April 10, 2008

The Proofs of Love

The other night during one of HH’s sessions to brainwash me he said he loves me to an extent that I could never understand. I said I guess I loved him more. He paused for a moment and replied “you will never know” and after a longer pause he said “you can never know”.
What he said that night seemed to be an answer for a question that have always popped into my mind. People have always said they loved me, but I couldn’t ever find a proof for that love. Maybe I couldn’t because love is undefined and it is not easy to proof something that is foggily defined.
People have always said it is something that you would feel. Which is true to a point as feelings might fail us sometimes. Feelings are good up to the point our minds give in. and yet again the question will rise, if that really love? How would anyone tell?
The answer was on my bathroom shelf. I have always reached for the same shampoo; I loved the way it smelled. People tried convincing me that other brands might be better for my hair, but I just loved my shampoo so that’s why I have always preferred it. So the answer my bathroom shelf gave me was “love is preference”. Love is when you prefer something/ someone over anything else regardless how good it really is. You prefer it for a reason that is good enough for you. I took the shelf’s answer and went to dine with a friend. And though I am still following a diet I couldn’t resist trying the cheesecake. That cheesecake cave me another answer, love is when you enjoy while compromising. I had to walk back home to burn those extra calories. That cheesecake was worth every step I walked. I didn’t mind sacrificing effort and time. So love is in sacrifice and compromise. So now it was in preference, sacrifice and compromise. I looked around me and saw how my sister have gone through all my moods and managed surfing my waves. No one else would have tolerated my ups and downs. Not on a daily basis not when these moods change every other minute. The answer my sister gave me was love is in tolerance and co-existing.
So, till now love is made of preference, sacrifice, compromise and tolerance. I looked at my dad’s version of love, while he keeps forgiving. I listened to a distant relative saying that my mother was on her bed, battling cancer and literally dying. My mother didn’t ask our relative to pray for her. She asked her to pray for her husband and little kids. For my mother we were her priority. She’d put us ahead of her own interest. So love isn’t only preference it is also when you put someone as a priority. It is not only in sacrifice, tolerance and compromise. It is also when you forgive. It is when fresh starts are always an option.
When my brother and sister got me a new cell phone in my birthday, when they gave the new gold bracelet, when Essam called to listen to me crying for an hour after Brad’s disappearance, when Sameh blames me for the stupid things I do, when Roka keeps calling to get me out of the cave, when Fatma always remember and always know. And when Safaa bought me the earrings I wanted and when she said that she wants me to know that she loves me more than any of the creepy men in my life and she will always be around regardless how far she might be going. These are all proofs of love. They all drew a smile on my face when I thought the whole world is against me. They have gave me the confidence others deprived me from. The all reached a hand when they thought I might be falling. They proved love without letting me even wonder. They didn’t say a word. They said it all when they said nothing at all.
They have done this all without expecting a return. They did it for love.
So next time you say you love me, think twice. I need no words. Love is something best said when no words are spoken.


Thanks my friends for always proving that I was right when I said, love resides elsewhere.


Anonymous said...

Dear Shimaa,
I really really liked this post, it's very nicely constructed.
now, obviously girls I'm on your side
i guess I'm trying to make up for old guilt..!!
I love you he said and to a level you cant understand..?!!!
what a load of crab..
that's a man way of Buying time, claiming that the other party doesn't grasp his shallow definition of the so called love.
now the problem with a guy like this, you are smart and need proof of love, I totally agree with you.
proof of love in our society is not complicated unless players wants it to be.
it's as simple as asking for you hand and taking the matter beyond I love you to an extent that is not understandable?!
will make it understandable big boy, love entails serious propositions and marriage.. yes that's right marriage.
we are not her in life to live a long boring Indian movie that speaks of love with no end in sight.
i just like this post very much.

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Mahmood
That very man who said he loves me more than what I can ever realize was the man who taught me the very first lesson about men and women when he said "A girl falls from her ears". He taught me that a woman's heart is in her ears. All what a man has to do it to talk, keep talking and never stop. Women buys the sweet words, women surrender and it takes a woman too long to believe that words are cheap. It takes a woman a good quality heart breaks to know that she is too precious to be baught just by simple words. It might take a woman a life time to learn to be deaf.
The thing is, I don't usually take a proposal as a proof of love. In our society a proposal could be a proof of common interest. As marriage in our society isn't usually used as a public declaration of love.
I guess, personally speaking I will never know. I have seen them all, those who proposed and those who didn't. And nothing changed about them, they all flew away. It is only words, words were all what they had.

God! I think I need serious therapy *LOL*

Have a great day

Anonymous said...

You are OK Shimaa,
I didn't mean that love is only proved by proposals, i just thought it's an indication of seriousness not just having a free ride.
nice words are nice for women and men but what follows is really the important thing to crown the relationship and make it worthy, whatever that means.
the thing is are you having a great spring so far? stay clear from mo3akasat*LOL*

Shimaa Gamal said...

Mahmood :) I am finding my way to enjoy the spring. I just enjoyed a nice sand storm a couple of days ago and I guess I should be expecting more :)
But seriously, I don't think I hate it that much though el gaw mesh badee3 :) but it is still the season of my favorite flowers and I discovered it is the season of kittens :) {shoft adeeny tele3t mn el nas elly fakra el makrona betetzer3 wel kittens beytla3o mn el ard zay el potatoes *LOL}
As for el mo3akasat :) don't worry, mashya fi zigzag :) I need an expert to follow my trace :)

Have a great day

someone in life said...

Hi Shimaa

Actually I have read most of your posts but with no comment . Till this post and other one about the other woman . I felt these two posts touched me so much . May be it is first time to think deeply who really loves me ? who even after a long time still improving his love through a call , support or even a help in a critical time. I felt a deep sad that the man who I have ever loved ,he never thought to offer anything even care.I feet shit but it is hear affairs. Kind Regards

Sherif said...

I like the way you feel things .. and rather the very touching examples you harness to conduct your idea. I really enjoy your method of writing.

The whole thing might be briefed in one word " Altruism"

Does it give a meaning to you ? it's what Kasber gave as a title to her blog

" Always .. the Others"

When you always see nothing but the other .. you're in love ..

The opposite is true .. when somebody always places you in line before him .. he simply loves you ..

Does it take so much effort to know ?

Anonymous said...

we cant see love we cant catch love but we can see proves for love.

it is a nice post Shimaa.


Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Someone in Life
I know exactly how you feel. I know how it feels when you discover that the person who have been longing for isn’t longing for you. The thing is we sometimes ignore the signs. We keep seeking a proof while things are already clear. If someone really loves you he will never let you wonder. If only our feelings stop failing us.
Thanks for the comment.
Best Regards

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Sherif
It is not supposed to take so much effort to know. But things get confusing, because sometimes you could never test a promise of putting you ahead of anything and anyone else including one’s self. Unselfishness is a promise to be tested over time. Some of us might be lucky enough to know if it is ever true. But sometimes we are not always lucky and here pops the question. How to test a promise? How to ever know it is true?
I really like the way your comments make my mind buzz
Your’s Shimaa
I didn’t forget my promise of commenting on your comment on the harassment post. I am just a bit off mood and I need to have my fully functional mind to work on that comment. So please don’t get bored and stay tuned

Shimaa Gamal said...

Omar :)
I really missed reading your comments.
menawar :)

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

my sweetest shimaa

first: i love this post... in simple words, and reality-based examples you defined love... the classical meaning of love... the true meaning of love...

but... dont you see that all the examples has nothing to do with a man-woman relation?

i use to think that love is love... and nothing but love... but ... i end up knowing the bitter fact that love has different categories ... love of others... and love of him

the love of freinds, family, things, matters has nothing to do with the love of him... cause simply the love show its ugly face when it is between a man and a woman ... due to the rise of NEEDS that has to be satisfied

the love of others cheers you
the love of him feeds you

the love of others has a back door, if things didnt go the way u wanna u can exit

but the love of him is a trap... where u can hardly get out of its claw

the love of others satisfies social need

but the love of him satisfies emotional spiritual and sexual needs

love of others doesnt carry anything of the selfishness and possessivness that u may have when loving him

i agree with you on the meaning of love... but this is a fairy tale love

a man's love is
preference: cause there is no one better than you to satisfy the current needs

sacrifice: he would give u some of his precious time, and dont be so optimistic and think you are a priority cause u r not

compromise: between you and another woman , or women

tolerence: he can tolerate all your silliness and craziness until he gets into your pants

forgiveness: when u do something he will keep forgiving until he doesnt need u... usually he get mad on silly things to have an issue...maybe cause he is too bored to be always blamed and forgiven

fresh starts are always and option: when he leaves u for another woman, and this woman was deaf and able to show him ma2amo :) ... so he is back to you with the dog eye look

this is love for men
men dont fall in love
men fall for their needs' satisfaction

no matter how sweet the words you hear, the result is always the same

:( i feel so sad...ma2horaaaaa

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Dear
You are absolutely right. I have been trying to get to know the proofs of love to relate the words they always say with my findings. I found out that love sometimes is a cheap word. I was never an absolute preference I have always been equal with other “types of shampoos”. They never minded trying me along with someone else. I was never a priority; someone or something else always came first. My mistakes were never forgiven. For them forgiveness have been always a one way road. I am supposed to forgive them and I am not allowed to make mistakes. They have tolerated a revised version of me as they didn’t really have the time to get to know the details. Fresh starts are always an option; apologies are even cheaper than the words of love.
I opted to know if any have ever loved me, and finally I discovered that I have never been loved. Which wasn’t a bad thing after all, it is always good to know the value of things. Now I know that men don’t value words neither the ones they say nor the ones said to them.
That makes us two “ma2hoora”
Any plans for sham el nessim?

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

u know what... i reached the same conclusion few weeks ago

i have never been loved... all the talk was for a reason... and that reason is not me


sham el nessim... home mainly... writing ... my first book, which i think u will like :)

Shimaa Gamal said...

I will be waiting for a signed copy.
Good luck my dear :)