October 15, 2017

Tired

I am tired of being depressed. Really tired of all the anger, all the sadness and all the suicidal thoughts.
I am tired of the constant feeling that I should die.

I am tired.

October 08, 2017

That Kid

So, I was seeing a guy. A younger guy. I nickname him the kid. He suddenly acted weird. The weirdest part is that he started acting weird when I felt that I want to get him things.
I never give my men presents. Usually they make up fights to avoid giving me gifts in special occassions. And I sort of have a rule of never giving a man a gift out of the blue.
Anyway, I wanted to give the kid a watch. And I was thinking to give it to him without waiting for an occassion because I thought we wouldn't last till valentine's day or his birthday.
But the kid surprised me. We didnt even last for a couple of days after that thought.

I really don't know what went wrong and why.

He doesn't deserve a post. But I thought of writing about it anyway.

I was going to give him a watch. 

October 07, 2017

Status Update

I Spent most of the last month praying that I'd die. I couldn't deal with pressures of life, I was faced repeatedly with how meaningless this life is and how futile is to trust others regardless how close they are.
I spent good amount of my days crying and my nights plotting plans to kill myself.

I had a rough month that doesn't seem to be clearing soon. I am tired, still partially praying to die. But I postponed the plans to kill myself. I still can't get myself to do it. Apparently I still want to live.

I want to live. But I am fed up with life's plot twists.