January 31, 2014

The Death of the Fairytale

I have always wanted a fairytale. Deep inside me there is a little girl who is waiting for her prince charming.  Deep down I believe in true love. I believe that love conquers all.

With every relationship a part of me looked for the fairytale. I waited for my men to come around. I wanted them to choose me.  I believed our love will conquer all.

It just didn’t happen but I didn’t really care. I kept believing in magic, I kept the little girl and her fairytale alive regardless what I really said.

Then I met him!

He didn’t believe in magic. He repeatedly said that our problem is that I hate reality while he is real. He spoke facts. He said that life had no fairytales.
For the 1st time I thought maybe I should let go of the fairytale. Maybe love doesn’t really conquer all. 

He left proving once again that love isn’t enough. That there is no prince charming who would conquer all to be beside his princess.

But that wasn’t what killed the fairytale. What really deprived me from my belief in magic is the fact that he left to get back to his ex wife.

He left to be with what he repeatedly described as an obnoxious woman.

The excuse he has been giving to the world is “I am doing it for my daughter”.

But what he is really doing is that he is pretending to be happily in love with the mother.
He is giving the little kid a proof that love conquers all. His is giving her a fairytale. Her father and mother who got divorced for years are getting back together.

A prince charming is coming around for his princess.

The man who never believed in magic is turning into a magician. The man who said he doesn’t want his kid to believe in fairytales is making a fairytale come to true to please the little girl. The man who said I live in my dreams while he is nothing but reality stole my fairytale and gave it to them.

My fairytale is dead.

January 21, 2014

Day in/ Day out

The point is I don't want to do any of the things I am doing.

I didn't want to do any of the things I have done.

But I have to keep doing. I have to keep trying. I have to move on. Because moving on is what rational people do.

Yet I don't want to. I didn't want it to end.

I wanted days with him. I wanted years of us sharing a bed, a couch, a cup of coffee, a book, a bath and a full life.

I wanted to have heated sex and discussions.

I wanted lots of things ... for the very 1st time in my life I knew what i wanted exactly.

But I have to move on. I have to keep doing all the things I don't want to do. I have to stay busy. I have to keep trying.

This is what rational people do!