February 16, 2017

On Freedom

Freedom is a scary thing. 

People never think of freedom in terms of responsibility. 

Freedom is a scary thing. 

February 14, 2017

A Valentine's Day Thought

When Daddy died all my men kept their distance. No one showed up. They offered "remote" support. In fact they offer "text" condolences and disappeared.
I waited for them to show up, I needed them to show up. Yet they left me alone.

My friends on the other hand showed up
 Each and every one of them. Even those I have lost contact with for ages, and those I barely know. I was showered with love.
While the men I gave all my love to denied me a little in return.

One of them later on told me that he didn't come because he thought i might not be able to act wisely. He feared that i might have cried in his arms or something like that. He feared we/ he would have needed to explain why of all other people I chose his arms to cry in.

I didn't cry in anyone's arms.

And I was showered with love he couldn't afford giving me. 

February 10, 2017


Last night I cried myself to sleep. I wasn't lonely, I stopped feeling lonely. I cried because life was way unbearable. And I couldn't find ways to deal with it.
I had a squence of nightmares, he was there and all my insecurities was there too.

I am alone. It is ok, but sometimes life is way too unbearable.