May 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Insomniac

When I started blogging I never thought that I am opening a new window on a new world. I never thought that anyone would ever read this nonsense except Sameh. But my scream found its way to some people’s hearts. I met some really interesting persons. And I made a set of new wonderful friends.
One of them is Insomniac. It is her birthday and she’s been waiting for something extraordinary to happen so, if you happen to read these lines wish her a happy birthday, something extraordinary and all the luck in the world. She deserves it and she needs it to get her closure.

Happy birthday my friend may God bless all your days

This is the blackforest you said you love ;)

May 30, 2008

Current Thought: On Signs

Falling in love is like being trapped in quicksand. The harder you resist the faster you drown. Like quicksand love is an innocent trap. There is nothing specific that would warn you that this pile of sand is highly viscous and might suck you down. And like quicksand you don’t know how lethal that trap could be till you are down to your neck. The best practice when you get trapped in quicksand is to stand still and give as much signs as you can asking for help. Signs though should be implicit because any sudden movement will complicate the situation. When you fall in the innocent trap of love signs are everything both partners have. Each gives a sign, implicit in a try to keep things simple but eventually this could be the problem because you are not waving but drowning.

May 22, 2008

10 Things That You Might Not Know About Me

I was tagged by my dear friend Egyptiana, my very first tag and it is not as easy as it might seem. It might seem simple “write 10 things about you” but it isn’t as simple when you discover that you have exposed the tiniest bits about yourself in a blog. You know me inside out; Arrogant, self-centered, stupid, romantic, curious and extremely jealous these are probably the things you know about me, here are the 10 things you might not know.
  1. I tease to test waters. If I have an idea I won’t directly pose it. I will usually joke about that idea or tease to test reactions. So, if I ever teased about something that seemed out of this world there is a high probability that I am checking reactions and testing feasibility. Those of you who agreed on the 40 years deal, I guess now you know I wasn’t in the least kidding *wicked wink*
  2. When I say no, I don’t usually mean it. I will probably say no because it is the safer option. If I ever said no, try posing the issue again you might be surprised by the result.
  3. I am not that patient as I might seem to be. I am a persisting person, I might keep at doing something till what might seem to be forever but I will always lose interest one step before accomplishing this thing. I am not patient I am just slow.
  4. I find bald men attractive in a way.
  5. I wanted to be a spy.
  6. I am a serious day dreamer. That’s why I say I am lonely when people are around. I feel lonely when I can’t find the chance to escape reality and live in my own world.
  7. I take decisions according to what I call the ping pong approach. I live with each decision; act as if I have taken it then flip to the other in a back and forth mechanism similar to the ping pong ball. That’s why it might take me too long to decide simple things (add this to being slow in number 3). I take long because it takes long to live a choice and foresee where it will eventually lead you. Imagine doing this back and forth like a ping pong ball and you will understand why I always end up choosing something that wasn’t previously planned!
  8. I will always prefer knowing little about everything than knowing everything about only one thing. I am a” know it all” kind of person. Something related to my curiosity and arrogance.
  9. I am single most of the time, but I can’t live without someone around to feed the queen with praise. I can never say no to a good flirt, and I don’t consider flirting cheating. I am a really high maintenance person, and I make sure I am always maintained!
  10. I have fruitful conversation with things, I introduce myself to cats in the streets, to the birds on my window and I ask the plant if she would like to be watered today. I am pure insanity in a woman’s body.

I thought I would never make it to 10 but I have done it. It was fun too.

Now, if you are reading this and you like to do it consider yourself tagged :)

I would like to know 10 things that no one knows about Insomniac, Nourita, Mohaly, Askandarani & Haz if they would like to share some of their not so explored sides.


These are the 10 things no one knows about Insomniac

These are the 10 things no one knows about Nourita

These are the 10 things no one knows about Haz

Quote of The Day

I'm not a genius. I'm just a tremendous bundle of experience.

May 17, 2008

Uncommon Sense

Someone sent me an email telling me that KSA had banned some sites that they believe are hurting Islam. The Saudi authorities banned the Saudis from viewing these sites along many others. The email was to warn people like me from these sites and to praise the KSA decision.
I would never understand such logic. I don’t know how they are helping the image of Islam or Muslims by this ban. I don’t know how by banning them they are stopping what they believed as sources of spreading wrong ideas about Islam. I can never understand how the action of banning any website could do any good to the poor Saudi people unless the Saudi authorities mean to create a population of either super hackers or super dumps?!

A caller called on of those Fatwa programs on an Egyptian satellite channels. The caller had a question, or in fact the caller needed a justification and a clearance to divorce his wife of twenty years. The reason the caller gave was that his wife isn’t as sexually active as she used to be twenty years ago. Seems that the poor woman is fighting menopause, or maybe she is just fed up of his selfish technique so she isn’t as much into it as she used to be. The caller didn’t call to ask for help, or to ask for guidance to solve what seems to be a recent problem as he explained, the caller wanted the one giving the Fatwa to tell him to go divorce his wife and marry someone else. The caller didn’t complain that his wife was a bad wife, he didn’t complain that his wife is a bad mother, the caller’s problem was a sexual problem, the caller’s problem is a recent problem that might be a temporary problem, the caller didn’t seek help from a therapist or a doctor, the caller called to legitimize his desires of dumping the old meat and marrying a fresher one.
The problem is, one of the hosts of the show who is a male off course said the Islam gives that man the right to marry someone else to save this caller from Fitna.
So, finally I got to know that the religion I praise is all about legitimizing sex. Says who? Says that crazy caller and that crazy guy giving Fatwa.

These two incidents is dedicated to everyone who thinks that those who give Islam a bad name are crazy, ignorant westerners. If you are looking for those who give Islam a bad name look inside. Thanks to the efforts of KSA authorities and the Sex Fatwa on Dream TV.
The guy who said common sense isn’t that common was absolutely right; I bet he lived in the Arab world.

May 14, 2008

Something to Break the Ice

That was the best I could do to break the ice between my urges to write and the things holding me from writing

  • Sameh hates my complicated life. That makes us two. I don’t know why in my quest for a simple life I end up complicating everything in hand. I don’t know why our simplest wishes are always the hardest to have. All what I wanted is to do the things I love to do. I wanted to skip people and live in a selective solitude where only the things I want are allowed in. I wanted to have the privilege of occasionally enjoying exercising my emotions with someone I can trust will be there the next morning. Why leading the simple life is always so complicated.

  • I can’t fight the need to lock myself in an empty white room. I want to be locked in a place full of light and cleanness.

  • It is really amazing how sometimes I fail to understand the basic concepts I fight for. I worship my “me” time. I cherish the personal space but yet I constantly fail to understand the other’s spaces. I keep moaning that people don’t respect my morning pause. I won’t stop complaining about those who can’t understand my occasional need to connect with my secret place within. I know that I need time to think things over alone yet I can never stop nagging when someone is off to his cave.

  • Too much pressure should kill me but unfortunately I don’t die. I don’t know if that is of the good fortunes of the world or that it is an old curse but I just don’t die.
    Everyone is trying to convince me that my best interest is doing things the way the want. My father, HH, my friends and even the maid believes that I should do the things her way because my best interest is what she thinks. Hello world! thanks for being so much concerned but I kinda prefer ruining my life my way and if you think I would ever cave of pressure I guess it is about time to get your plan B off your drawers because today I decided not to cave.

  • HH said he thinks I am selfish, he said that though I am selfish but yet he loves this very trait about me. I wondered what made him think I am selfish; he said that everything in this life is always about me. He said that I seldom integrate others in my sentences.
    I never denied being self centered but the thing is it’s always been about me. Even that very long session of brainwash was eventually about me. I could sure integrate others in that sentence, as he was the others and the brainwash was mainly about how he would like to be integrated into me! In a second thought, I prefer being self-centered to being centered by HH!

  • Today I decided not to cave, but I am not sure about tomorrow. The white flag seems to be an appealing option. I would put the arms and let go with whatever flow available. Just in case anyone cared, tell ‘em that I would have led a wonderful life, I would have done the things I have wanted, I would have changed but unfortunately I failed.

May 13, 2008

The Urge to Write!!

I just have the urge to write but I can’t find some peace to do. I have the urge to spill toxic ideas out of my heart but I can’t find a moment to connect with myself. I have the urge to speak, but something is holding me back. I feel deprived of inspiration. I don’t feel empty, I am full of buzzes but I can’t relate those buzzes to words. I have been thinking and my thoughts are suffocating me. I have been thinking and it is sucking the time out of my life.
I just want to write, I don’t know what’s missing. I have the ideas, I have the urge and I am dead tired of being trapped in the dark cage!

May 10, 2008

But I don’t take biscuits out of people’s cupboards!!

I never thought that the way I write my “T’s”, “M’s”, “O’s” and “Y’s” could really give me away. (I thought my theory about the “H” & the “I” would do. Those two parallel lines connected with another intersecting line. The same trio, but what makes the difference is the angle of view or tilting if that matters! *Crazyyy*)

Anyway, these are the results of a quiz I took
here. If you have some spare time, try it. it is funny and mostly true.

Shimaa is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Shimaa will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Shimaa an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too ”far out.” She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Shimaa is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Shimaa is a ”middle-of-the-roader,” politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue. People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Shimaa doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others. Shimaa is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs. Shimaa is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past. Shimaa has a quick, investigative, creative mind and sharp mental abilities. When a new project comes along she is incredibly curious and will investigate it immediately. Most projects interest her initially, then her pace slows and she has to take a more thoughtful look at things and investigate all aspects. Shimaa will probably take on more projects than she can realistically handle, she has to slow down, and it is then that she decides which projects have priority and her full creativity comes into play. Shimaa often goes into a slower mode. This renders her more creative have a longer memory and assembles facts in a logical way. This ultimately means that any project she took on finishes a lot faster than when she started it. Shimaa needs to know that goals are not out of reach, she is very practical and enjoys anticipating and planning. This down-to-earth attitude is typical of people who are planners and she displays all the signs of a person with normal self-esteem. This usually means that she is successful in her ventures. She is not a great risk-taker, preferring to set her goals just high enough to reach even though she is sure she can achieve anything she sets her mind on. If she encounters a bad situation she does have the self-confidence to withdraw from it. Even though her confidence could be better, she perceives herself in a very positive manner. Shimaa strives for success, but is constantly disappointed. She works harder than most people, but just before attaining her goal something comes along to disrupt her success. She will often start a second project before the previous one is completed. This often means the first project remains unfinished. Shimaa has a huge feeling of dejection and often feels she needs a better challenge than the project she is currently working on. This feeling of dejection is reflected in her failures in both work and personal relationships. Anyone who is in a relationship with Shimaa must treat her in a very special way or the relationship will fail. If she tried to improve this negative trait her life would dramatically improve. Shimaa fills up an entire sheet of paper with writing; there are no gaps, spaces or margins whatsoever. This gives an indication of Shimaa’s attitude towards relationships and their personal world. Shimaa has an extremely aggressive personality and she lacks respect towards other people, their space or their property. Shimaa is the type of person who will walk into someone’s house, open a cupboard and take a packet of biscuits! Shimaa likes to portray herself with this behavior as assertive as she is able to prove that she can get what she wants. However, it is often perceived by others as very disagreeable. When she was much younger Shimaa had no fear of getting into trouble, she was and is a rule breaker. Maybe it’s time to grow up.

May 05, 2008

The Things I Couldn’t Say

I couldn’t say no, I am not stupid as you said I am. I was just scared, putting pieces of a puzzle together to know what went wrong. I couldn’t say “you are not helping”, I couldn’t say “stop, you are hurting me”, I couldn’t say a word to explain why I am always scared. I couldn’t say that I was scared because he might never come back, I couldn’t say I was scared that he is flipping away, I couldn’t say that it might not be about him. It is about me, it is about that I never knew how people fight and never run. It is about I know that caves have backdoors. How could I know that he will come back? How could I know he is still there, busy minding his own business and that it has nothing to do with me. How could I kill the worries in the time I know I am part of the things that’s keeping him off. How could I know that what I am having is just phobic episode?
I couldn’t say I wouldn’t have written what I wrote if you called as you used to do. I couldn’t say that he would have called, not to talk but to say goodbye. I couldn’t say that I know he knew I was waiting for him to call. I couldn’t say that I knew he wouldn’t call to punish me. I couldn’t say that the mere idea that he believed I didn’t deserve the phone call is the thing that made me sleepless. I couldn’t say that in the middle of arguing that he is in the middle of the BUSH with no signal he forgot to answer the question if the number is still the same. I couldn’t say why you are putting me under the “ANYONE” category. I couldn’t say “Shut up”, I couldn’t say “I LOVE YOU” when I felt like saying it. I couldn’t say “I MISS YOU” when it was everything I had to say.
I couldn’t say “I love you, I miss you and it hurt”; I couldn’t say “what if I am crazy isn’t there anything to even it out?”
I couldn’t say because I have NO RIGHT to say. I couldn’t say because it would have worsened things. I couldn’t say because I was scared to say then lose him for the things I said. I couldn’t say for the same reasons I am thinking twice while writing this ranting as he call it and for the very same reason I thought twice before posting the earlier ranting that pissed him off. I couldn’t say because if I said it will piss him off. I couldn’t say because I am scared he will take this as an enough reason to cut me off.
I couldn’t say because I can’t say!!

Do What The Music Say!

May 04, 2008