May 14, 2008

Something to Break the Ice

That was the best I could do to break the ice between my urges to write and the things holding me from writing

  • Sameh hates my complicated life. That makes us two. I don’t know why in my quest for a simple life I end up complicating everything in hand. I don’t know why our simplest wishes are always the hardest to have. All what I wanted is to do the things I love to do. I wanted to skip people and live in a selective solitude where only the things I want are allowed in. I wanted to have the privilege of occasionally enjoying exercising my emotions with someone I can trust will be there the next morning. Why leading the simple life is always so complicated.

  • I can’t fight the need to lock myself in an empty white room. I want to be locked in a place full of light and cleanness.

  • It is really amazing how sometimes I fail to understand the basic concepts I fight for. I worship my “me” time. I cherish the personal space but yet I constantly fail to understand the other’s spaces. I keep moaning that people don’t respect my morning pause. I won’t stop complaining about those who can’t understand my occasional need to connect with my secret place within. I know that I need time to think things over alone yet I can never stop nagging when someone is off to his cave.

  • Too much pressure should kill me but unfortunately I don’t die. I don’t know if that is of the good fortunes of the world or that it is an old curse but I just don’t die.
    Everyone is trying to convince me that my best interest is doing things the way the want. My father, HH, my friends and even the maid believes that I should do the things her way because my best interest is what she thinks. Hello world! thanks for being so much concerned but I kinda prefer ruining my life my way and if you think I would ever cave of pressure I guess it is about time to get your plan B off your drawers because today I decided not to cave.

  • HH said he thinks I am selfish, he said that though I am selfish but yet he loves this very trait about me. I wondered what made him think I am selfish; he said that everything in this life is always about me. He said that I seldom integrate others in my sentences.
    I never denied being self centered but the thing is it’s always been about me. Even that very long session of brainwash was eventually about me. I could sure integrate others in that sentence, as he was the others and the brainwash was mainly about how he would like to be integrated into me! In a second thought, I prefer being self-centered to being centered by HH!

  • Today I decided not to cave, but I am not sure about tomorrow. The white flag seems to be an appealing option. I would put the arms and let go with whatever flow available. Just in case anyone cared, tell ‘em that I would have led a wonderful life, I would have done the things I have wanted, I would have changed but unfortunately I failed.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay

You would have led a wonderful life, You would have done the things You have wanted, You would have change.


:)
Nice post

O.H

Shimaa Gamal said...

Omar
I missed your comments, welcome back :)

Sherif said...

Shimaa

You just need to be a little bit extravert .. you are an ambivert as obvious from the previous handwriting analysis .. still you need to use your other part.

Incorporating with people will help mixing your soul with other different colors.

I believe you need it .. you are internally focused .. you live inside .. why not try to analyse other people ?

Maybe through this quest you'll explore more pearls of yourself ..

Sometimes we need to look through the window ..rather than looking to the mirror .. am I right?

I wish you all the best

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Sherif

You maybe right, I guess I need to get out of my shell and explore the world. I have been locked inside for quiet sometime now.
I am trying to find the window, or maybe I am trying to find what I believe is the proper window, there are many windows around but I am too lazy to try them out. I guess I have to stop searching and just do it.

You are right, I had enough looking to the mirror. It is window time.

Thanks for the advice :)

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

at a certain point of my life, i had to stop fighting... to put down my sword... and breath

some call it surrender... but i call it truce...

it is ok if u live the others way ... when u r bored, just to catch your breath... then draw your sword again

but dont get use of it... keep ur self hidden... so do your swword... breath... and then fight back

Shimaa Gamal said...

Egyptiana
I really like how you always get how I really feel.