My Boat

 He overwhelms me, his love overwhelms me. 

The other day we had an argument. He wanted me to cut off a friend. He said he wasn't jealous and he just hates the guy and thinks I shouldn't be friends with him.

I refused. 

We moved on, or so I thought. 

Maybe he moved on, maybe he will get back to it later. 

But I stood there thinking of the right thing to do. I have always thought of my life as a small boat in a turbulent  sea. I have always looked for company for the journey, someone who can sail, perhaps swim. 

I have always thought of my life as a boat and then he comes and he offers me a shore.

He isn't going to sail my boat. He isn't going to tow my boat to his because his life isn't a boat in a turbulent sea. 

He is an island. 

He is rooted.

His love isn't raw like mine. 

Unlike me he isn't a force of nature.

We had an argument about a friend, and I realized that he offers a shore.

And the question is whether or not I am ready to leave the boat behind. Whether or not I am ready to quit the sea and brave the unknown of the land. 

He overwhelms me, his love is overwhelming and it isn't bad. it is overwhelmingly good. 

Liberation!

There is one thing about sex that makes or breaks relationships. Sex isn't something a girl "give" to a man. Sex is something you "share" with a man. Sex is just another thing you do because you want to do. It is like reading a book, watching a movie or eating a pizza. Sex is something you do because you want to do. And you decide sharing with something you like - just like reading a book or watching a movie - because you enjoy sharing it with them. You don't do it because you owe it to them, you don't do it because it is a prize or a sacrifice.

And in the same sense, they don't owe you anything in return. A man will have sex with you because he likes sex and likes you.

Acknowledging this will liberate you, your partner and your relationship.

Breathe the fresh air! 

On Wait

People come around. They will all eventually do. Those who argued your political views, those who disagreed with your opinions. They always come around. There is always a moment when they confess that you were right. There is always a day when they preach the things you preached. And they will want the things you wanted years before. They will eventually pursue the relationships they declined, they will show the love you desperately needed.

People will eventually come around, and all what you have to do is wait on them to do.

Yet wait is the most expensive option as life might not wait on you.

On Leaps of Faith (Again!)

There is a point in your life when you just stop "leaping", not out of fear or hesitance, But you stop taking leaps because you know better, you have been there and you have done that.

There is a point in your life where you can tell the difference between faith and delusion.

There is a point of your life when the only "wise" thing to do is to stop trying.

Will you do the wise thing and risk standing still, or will you keep moving on and take the "delusional" leap?

The Burden of Writing!

I have been writing all my life. When I started this blog it was a way to lighten the weight of the love life/ life drama.

Writing had been my therapist and my therapy.

Then my dream came true!

And finally I am writing and someone, somewhere is reading. Someone that I don't know of.

And that someone is judging me because I am the girl who wrote about the "Burden of Sex"!

Phew!

You can find the article here: http://www.dotmsr.com/ar/204/1/17954/#.U5YoyhnfrqA

On Consistency and the Forbidden Fruit

I am a virgin. Somehow this very personal detail has become a hot topic of discussion in the last couple of years. I have been repeatedly put in situations where I had to explain that I am a virgin and, for the time being, I don’t think I will ever be having sex outside marriage.

It all started out with a date. It was sometime in September 2011 when a nice, younger guy asked me out for coffee. He was full of life; it had been years since I was last asked out on a date; I needed life and he offered loads of it. He was a breath of fresh air … of hope. Yet, the guy was direct; he was in for a fling: good company and sex.

Before him I was used to the fact that men will always want sex but they tended to play lovers to get to it. Before him, none of my men doubted the “virgin” part. The “virgin” part was taken for granted. They all wanted sex, yet sex had always been off the table because duh! “I am a virgin”.

This guy was the 1st one to offer a strictly sexual relationship, no emotions attached. And I had to decide whether I was in or out.

And that was when my virginity started to be the topic to discuss.

In this part of the world girls are expected to be virgins as long as they are not married. Yet it is the 21st century, different levels of intimacy had become discreetly accepted. It all depends on your social level. The more you are exposed to “western culture” the more likely the circles you play are open-minded regarding sex. I am saying more likely because exposure doesn’t really grant open-mindedness in our society.

Sex is a taboo in this part of the world. People have been trying to break this taboo yet they have been failing … royally!

Needless to say that relationship failed, it never got started in the 1st place. He wanted sex; I couldn’t give him sex so it faded to a “you are someone that I used to know” type of thing.

He was the 1st but he wasn’t the last to suggest a sexual non-emotional relationship. As that relationship faded I met another guy. Someone that I deeply liked and I dare to say that I deeply loved. That guy was clear too. Marriage for him was off the table, but sex was the most important item on it.

That guy didn’t offer a fling-ship. He didn’t even offer a relationship. He offered nothing and that was somehow everything (Yeah! I am that pathetically in love with him). In his own words, our relationship has different aspects and one of them is sex. According to him sex is a pleasure that should be given and received within the context of exchanging pleasure only, nothing more.

Again my virginity became an issue. Yet, and because I am desperately in love with that guy I started to entertain the idea of sex. The pressure of love and other things got me to the point of thinking why won’t I have sex with him. Why would I want us to be married? After all, and religious reasons aside, marriage is nothing but an exclusive long-term relationship or at least it is what is supposed to be or how I think it is supposed to be. So if I can have the “long-term” and “exclusive” parts, again religion aside, maybe sex will be ok.

I didn’t really voice my ideas to the guy; we moved past the sex aspect of the relationship and kept the other aspects. To be more specific he moved past the sex aspect, apparently he either lost interest or maybe lost hope that I might one day come around what he once described as my obsolete idea about sex.

His move left me with more questions that were even doubled by the appearance of someone who showers me with too much “I love you’s” yet definitely believes that love isn’t love unless it is “consummated”.

Different men, different age groups, different backgrounds, different experiences and different settings yet all had one thing in common. They all wanted sex with a virgin whom they couldn’t really get why she is hanging on to her virginity that much.

Such offers usually leave me both flattered and offended.

Different super interesting men believe I am sexually attractive, this is flattering! The fact that I can’t see why they would get that much interested in me, along the fact that none of them ever offered a “decent relationship” is deeply offending.

Stuck between feeling flattered and offended my moral system gets shaken too deep to the point of clearly showing an inconsistency. Apparently there is a huge gap between what I believe is right, what I say I think is right and the right I actually do.

Is sex wrong?

Yes, No … Maybe! I don’t know.

I really don’t know. I believe it shouldn’t be wrong. Sex is natural. Desire shouldn’t be a sin. But things don’t seem to work in such simple ways in the complicated world we live in.

In this part of the world, the 1^st challenge that faces the “righteousness” of sex is religion. Sex is a sin that will get you safe and sound to hellfire. If you are a “believer” guilt will be the dominant feeling associated with whatever “sex” you decide to have outside what religion said it should be.

The 2^nd challenge that faces the righteousness of sex is social customs.  Sex is a social sin that will get you safe and sound to the “doomed group”.

Well, it depends mainly on your gender in this part of the world. The rule is, men are accepted to do lots of the social sins. They are men. Our society is seemed to be tailored to “protect” the virtue of women. I am not sure why but probably because men have no virtue to protect after all!

Anyhow, regardless that the society is more flexible accepting men who commit social sins you will still be labeled if you engaged in any form of sexual relationship outside wedlock. And unlike the religious reasons where you can work out a way with your God, the society doesn’t really forgive. And most importantly they won’t easily forget.

In this part of the world, where the individuals are more open-minded than the societies they live in, double measures become the norm. Consistency is really rare. People are used to doing what they don’t believe in, they preach what they can’t/ won’t do and more importantly judge others for doing what they secretly do.  

Sex and religion are two major fronts where you can touch the double lives and double measures epidemic spreading among almost everyone you know.

Religion for instance is supposed to be a relationship between you and the God you chose to worship. The details of such relationship are supposed to be personal. But somehow, whether or not you are a believer in God is a basic concern of the society. Everyone would want you to worship a certain God in a certain way. If you chose not to, you will have to pay a certain social cost, a cost that will depend on how grave the society thinks your sin is.

So people end up pretending. They pretend to be religious. They pretend to be socially right. They do whatever makes them “socially acceptable” while maintaining the things the society can’t really stomach a secret.

People stretch the boundaries of their personal freedoms while not having to confront the society.

One of those stretches is what the infamous HH once termed as “Virgin Sex”.

According to HH, and later all the generous men who offered me sexual relationships, I can enjoy a sexual relationship without really losing my virginity. For them, and perhaps for the society, a girl is a virgin as long as she didn’t engage in a penetrative vaginal intercourse.

So, many men and women in this part of the world agreed to engage in all forms of sexual activities outside wedlock as long as there isn’t vaginal penetration.

They pretend that the sex they have isn’t really sex as long as they don’t get caught.

The interesting part is that all those actively engaging in stretching their own personal boundaries are actively engaging in limiting others personal decisions by being part of the tight society measures.

A man who is open to having “virgin sex” with the girl he loves isn’t as open to the idea if the person involved is his sister. The same man who would pressure the girl he likes to jump from base one to three will advise his best friend to cut off the man she likes for doing the same with her.

A man who says that virginity isn’t really a factor to judge a girl will make a pass at every non virgin he knows.

It is duality and inconsistency everywhere.

And because of all the duality and inconsistency I can’t have sex out of wedlock. Not because I believe it is wrong. On the contrary, I believe it is my right and it is everyone’s right to live their life the way they want. I believe that it is my right to fall in love and to have sex and not to worry about social consequences.

I am at a point of my life where I open to compromise lots of the things I thought can’t be compromised. I am turning 34 in few weeks, and although marriage was never a goal of my life yet loneliness wasn’t one of those goals either.

I am open to considering relationships that are not the “happily ever after” type.

And there is two ways to do this. Either I confront the society with my decision and bear with the consequences or play by the duality rules like many are doing.

I don’t have enough courage to live my life the way I think I should be living it. Yet, I have lots of self respect not to let myself fall in the dual life/ double measures trap.

So, until a further notice I am keeping my virginity.

On that Crazy Happy Thought

In our golden days, Sameh had the nice habit of sending me happy thoughts to sleep. One night, he said that my happy thought is an eunuch. I don’t remember whether he explained the term to me, or he asked me to google it. What counts is, I didn’t really like the idea. Years later, I think Sameh was right. An eunuch could be the happy thought I really need.

An eunuch in short is a castrated slave. The idea was so cruel. I honestly couldn’t get past the cruelty of the concept. “A castrated slave” how would this be a happy thought.

Cruelty aside and principles aside, an eunuch could really be a happy thought for a single mid-aged “girl” like me. “A safe company of a man”, what else would a girl want?

You would get a man to help you, he is your slave. He doesn’t really have the choice to deny you anything you want. He is castrated, so you don’t run the risk of having him sexually offending you. 

Even better, historically speaking women used partially castrated slaves for sexual favors. “They got the flowers of marriage not its fruits”.

So, all the problems of a single mid-aged woman could simply be solved by having an eunuch.

Think of this: A man who would please you, without you having to beg. A man, with no strings (no pain) attached.

Sounds perfect?

But then it is inhumane. 

On Leaps of Faith

There is always a point in your life when your experiences tell you that you shouldn't be taking certain risks.

There is always a point in your life when you are on top of a mountain with no clear way back down and you know that you need to take a leap of faith.

There is always a point in your life when you step into darkness because you felt like trying the unnecessary risk instead of being trapped where ever you are.

There is always that point when you jump ....

Then you wake up on your crushed bones. Sometimes you heal and sometimes you just live with the pain.

Leaps of faith never really kill you, they only make you wish you were dead.


We never die ...

We live to tell the story ...

But one day hope will be overwhelming, your judgement will be clouded and you would see that jumping of the safety of the trap of your mountain is the wise thing to do.

One day you will trust the unknown enough to silence your experiences and the pain of the old crushed bones.

One day you will jump and you will wish you were dead.

But you will never die ... you will live.

You will always live ...

Unfortunately, your jump is never lethal. It is only deforming.

On a Side Note - 1

This might not have a future but it sure has a wonderful present.

One day at a time ... don't jump to conclusions.

Enjoy your present because there might not be a future anyway.

A Serious Question

Why would a man get interested in "sleeping" with a "certain" woman?

Why?

My Disney Princess

So last night, I asked my friends on twitter a question. Who is your favorite Disney princess and why?

I got some interesting answers. And instead of spamming the timelines of my friends with my answer I thought of sharing it here.

Belle is my favorite Disney princess. 

Let’s look at Belle, the young yet mature beyond her years. She is a book worm. She didn’t conform to her society’s expectations and she wished for an adventurous life. She is intelligent and brave. And when the time came she stepped up to save her father from the beast everyone feared.

Belle was a girl of character. She did what she believed should be done. And she loved that that no one else could possibly love. She had an eye that saw the good in the beast.

The love of her man didn’t make a princess out of her. It was through “their” mutual love to one another that both became prince and princess.

So, who is your favorite Disney princess and why?

On holding those lines …

There is a fact that most people ignore, the worst time of your life will always be the right now. Whatever bad you are going through won’t sound as bad later because somehow you will find a way. 

Somehow life will manage to throw you a bigger load of misery. And you know what, you will long for the good old days. The good old days that was never that good. Or you might be smart and long for tomorrow that your heart hopes will be better than the misery you are living today. But when tomorrow comes holding & failing all types of promises you realize there is always a catch. And life is in part misery as much as it is in part joy.

The point is, the worst of your times is always today. The best of your times is always today too.  

Deal with it!

Confessions – Is that much?

I have been trying to sugar coat my thoughts for a while. I have to admit that posting anything to this blog is turning to be a walk in a mine field. Whatever I write pisses someone off. I don’t like pissing the people I care about off, I am losing the skill of sugar coating and I don’t know how to walk in a mine field without having one exploding in my face.

Yet, this very thought needs to get out of my brain. I will take the chances and just do what I used to do. Spill it out and pretend it is to the void. Maybe, this time no mines will explode.

So, and without any further wasting of your precious time, I think by now most of you know that I have love problems.

Somehow, I was never lucky in love. As if I intentionally pick the wrong men. Because I am sure there are right men out there (Though right now my mind keeps telling me that they are all the same)

I used the term unlucky to try to spare you the long talk about how much of a loser I am, because as you know, I like to take all the blame. I don’t believe in luck. People make their own lucks. So when you are unlucky it simply means you are doing things wrong.

To cut a long story short, my men’s problem seemed to be marriage. All of them believed that I wanted to marry them. And the thought of marrying me was too scary.

They enjoyed the entertainment phase. I can be entertaining. But whenever the idea of a long-term/ serious relation appeared they simply disappeared.

Well, trying to walk a mile in their shoes. Maybe they had every right to be scared. I am scary! I am too much to be handled. I am emotionally messed up. Experts write articles to advise people to not to marry people like me.

Because, apparently, people like me are emotionally unhealthy. People like me will end up bringing all their issues into the relationship. And no sane person would like to marry into that!

But I won’t blame the wise people warning the human kind of emotionally crippled people. Because, you know, they have a point.

You can’t blame luck for your failures as much as you can’t blame wise people for stating the obvious.

But before I lose point and before you jump to the conclusion that I am just another girl who can’t find a husband.

This isn’t about how or why my men ran away from me because they assumed I wanted to marry them (which was true in most of the cases). It is more about the shape of the relationship I am currently looking for.

A friend once asked me couple of years ago what exactly do I need in a relationship. I said all what I need is safe company. I want a man who would spend part of his day communicating with me. Texting is fine, emails are ok, if he thought of calling this will be very good. A call every other week would be appreciated too.  Every now and then I would love to be dined and wined and an annual escape to enjoy total exclusivity.

There is also a level on intimacy that I would like to have fulfilled.

Safe company is all what I am asking for. And by safe I mean I want a guarantee that he will be there the next morning and that I don’t have to worry about other women or other things taking my place.

Just a level of commitment that tells me I am not just an entertainment. Is that much?

I didn’t ask for marriage. All what I asked for is, a daily communication of whatever sort, an occasional outing to enjoy the company and if possible a once a year one week vacation.

Nothing more …

Is that too much?

At Arm’s Length

Many years ago I had Brad on phone and Mohamed (the ex) called. I chose not to take that call and finish my call with Brad. Before that day Mohamed always had priority. Only family came before him. But that day I decided that Brad is more important.

I called him later and we had a fight over Brad. It wasn’t the first time. He fought about Brad since he knew about his presence in my life. He fought about every single male I had in my life. Friends, relatives, colleagues and potential dates. He was jealous. He said he loved me and he can’t see me with someone else. He wanted me to be his while he kept on with his plans to marry his cousin. The last thing he said in that call was when you need me you know how to find me. And we didn’t call ever again. Brad disappeared, then re-appeared and finally disappeared. I have been missing Mohamed ever since that day, needed just to hear his voice many times. But I didn’t call him.

I can tell you a long list of why I didn’t call him. All rational reasons but honestly the only reason I didn’t try to contact him is that I know him enough to know he won’t take me back easily. That he will make sure he punished me enough before taking me back. And again it will be his rules. I will have to be available as a full package and do with whatever he decides to give me. And I couldn’t do this to myself. I just couldn’t take the idea of being blamed for trying to do the same thing he did to me. I couldn’t take the idea that he has the right to have a wife while I am the one who has to compromise to be with the man she loves. If he loved me too he should have compromised for me. I felt I deserved that much. I felt I deserved to be the woman he introduces to everyone. Not the one with no right to call unless no one is around.

It took me years to get with Mohamed to that point. It took me years to be unable to play with his rules. Brad actually helped. He was the voice that told me how magnificent I was. I felt good and capable of breaking the link with Mohamed. It wasn’t as painful. I was angry. I was deeply angry and heartbroken and I had that nice guy telling me all the nice things. So I hung up the phone and I never called him back.

I didn’t try to hunt Brad when he disappeared for the 2^nd time. I don’t know if I ever loved Brad. I once told a friend that I loved him. But I am not sure. I am passing through a phase of being unable of deciding why I did certain things. I am not sure. And I can’t tell whether the things I have done were right or wrong and consequently I can’t tell now whether the things I am doing are right or wrong.

Then there was that guy. I can tell I loved him. And I played it cool. I waited and I waited. I gave all the hints. I made all the signs. Everyone noticed but him. I had two choices to walk away or to stay and wait for a little more. One night I wrote him a message “I love you” but instead of sending it I saved it to drafts. I wasn’t ready to deal with the aftermath so I waited.

 I waited till an incident happened and I got crazy. And to cut a long story short. I lost the guy. He is with someone else now. And I can’t walk away. He never knew I loved him. At least I never told him directly I did. I wasn’t ready to deal with the aftermath. So, I preferred to play with his rules. To be kept at his arm’s length. I preferred that he gets to enjoy the full package and I settle for whatever he has to offer. 

I wasn’t ready to lose him. I wasn’t ready to call him and say I love you I don’t want you to be with other women. I wasn’t ready to lose him. I am still not ready to lose him. I can’t live without him. I have tried to replace him with everything but nothing fits. A friend once told me that my love for the guy is more a companionship. Another friend told me that it is logical that I don’t like any of the men people try to set me up with because I already found the perfect company, that’s him.

 Maybe they are right. I told you before I am going through the “can’t tell” phase. So maybe it was just the joy of companionship. Maybe it is that he is the type of company I wanted for the journey I settled and didn’t check other options. Maybe the love was for the company not the person, I can’t really tell.

But what I can tell right now is that I am doing something that I would have told anyone is wrong to be done. I am comparing that guy with someone else unintentionally sometimes and intentionally in other times. I am taking decisions with the new guy based on how the reactions with that guy were. I know them better than thinking they both will give the same reactions. I am aware that I have been mixing and probably punishing each of them for the other’s mistakes. I know that I pulled away my hand once and didn’t touch one of them because the other hates to be touched. I know how different they are. 

But I know one thing. Both will never take the step to meet me half way. Or maybe I am wrong. I can’t tell. Maybe only one of them wasn’t able to do this. And that I should stop comparing because maybe the other one will meet me half way. Because I was able to tell that one that I love him and that I want a relationship not just whatever we have. Maybe, he will get past his many reasons (that I am sure all valid and rational) that make it more convenient for him to keep me at arm’s length. Maybe he will come around.

And if he didn’t … I don’t know but it is just unfair to be kept at arm’s length. But what if this is as good as it gets? The worse is what if they keep you at arm’s length because they know that this is as good as it gets. That you have never done better. That it is a long history of being kept at arm’s length. And it is ok to do so to you.

What if the idea of missing you is better than the idea of being with you? Isn’t it all about that? You stick to a person because you can’t lose them?

What if this is as good as it gets? The best you can have is to be at arm’s length from the person you love and want for life. Arm’s length is near enough but yet too far from where you want to be. Will you settle for the best you can have or try to find the best you think you deserve even if you can’t tell whether or not you deserve better than the best you have already earned?

Am I making any sense?

Where are we now?

There is a joke about a man who was asked about the secret of the success of his marriage. He replied that he made a deal with his wife. That major decisions are his job & she gets to do all the minor decisions and that was the last decision he made.

The joke might not be funny. It is sort of funny but I think it holds more philosophy than it was intended to do. Or maybe it is just my mood that makes me see philosophy in such a shallow joke.

What constitutes a major decision? We were all introduced to the “starbucks” decisions in the legendary movie “You have got mail”. It is a series of insignificant decisions that lead to a cup of coffee. A process that makes you feel accomplished but yet not life changing (threatening) in anyway.

So, if the type of coffee you drink to start your day isn’t a major decision what could a major decision be?

Education is a life changing decision which makes it “major”, so is career, marriage, having kids or finding a new place to live. Break ups & investments too. The first that comes to your mind when you think of a major decision is probably a crossroads where you have to decide a turn that will decide your destination. Minor decisions are supposed to be the ones we take down the chosen road just to get over obstacles to get to the destination.

Life changing crossroads is supposed to be clear. You are probably confused while deciding, else you wouldn’t have known that you are at a crossroads. Or even you wouldn’t have felt how “major” the decision is.

Between you & me I think “major” decisions are over rated. It is easy to take a major decision regardless how hard it seem to be. After all & out of being confused a person will do what they will over think all the options, will ask for opinions & will eventually take a calculated step into risk. Crossroads decision might feel hard but they are the clearest decisions you can make. You pick a road, that simple. You decide a destination that you know you want, regardless that knowing what you “really” want is a challenge & a major decision in itself.

You know what do I believe are “major” decisions? It is the decisions we take on the go. The ones we don’t think about. The ones that we think are taken to serve “major” decisions already made in previous crossroads.

Those “minor” decisions are taken without taking risk into account, like when you go order sushi & end up in ER. Your lunch of choice would lead to putting an end to your story. And such minor decision would consequently lead to more minor decisions that could be “Life changing”  in so many ways.

Every step of the way is a crossroads. Every step could change our lives. Even the steps we take thinking will lead to the destination we set at the beginning of the journey might turn to be taking us to somewhere we never knew existed.

Every step of the way is a life changing decision. Even your morning coffee. 

Drafts, Page 1

I did the right thing. I chose what seemed the right thing at the right moment of time. But the outcome of all these rights is just wrong.

I did the right thing ... But the right thing was wrong.

But ... He is just not that into you!

I am reading "He is just not that into you". And the book is hilarious but painful because the joke though so funny but it is on me. I have been sharing quotes and I will be sharing more quotes. But there is a certain quote that I’d rather share again here along the comment I got from one of my friends. Then I have a little comment on that comment. This could be added to what I have written here before.

The quote was:

I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves—we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of—and I say this with a lot of love—is how not attracted to you he is!

– He is just not that into you

My friend commented:

Stop reading this boookkkk :) :)

Well women should really see the positive side.

1) The guy lied to her to not make her feel bad so he cares

2) God saved her from getting into a forced relation

3) She got to keep the guy around and hunt for another one.

And because I am still under the influence of the book and the idea that led me to write the inevitable post I can’t see anything positive in that.

1- Because when the guy uses the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” card he cares but not really about the girl. He cares more about his loss of her company. Guys get lonely too, and girl friends are good cushion till they find the girl of their dreams. Girl friends are as good as girlfriends but with no sex unless off course the guy managed to talk her into friends with benefits. And this is a completely different story. The point is, he cares but not only for the girl. He cares for himself more.

2- There is nothing like a forced relationship. Off course the friend who would care too much about the feelings of his poor girl friend might give in to her pressure. Which is rare, no man would give in to pressure to be in a relationship but let’s play along. Let’s assume he will be drunk, sedated or desperate and will give her a chance. He is still won’t be into her and he will still get out of that relationship. It won’t happen until he wants it.

3- Getting to keep the guy around isn’t really a positive thing. It is emotionally draining. It could work for a man, because that’s what men do. But it won’t work for a girl because she won’t be able to hunt for a new guy as long as she wants that guy. Her hunt is over. Unlike men who keep hunting for preys by instinct whether or not they are in a relationship.

The thing that most men forget is that women take time to decide. Unlike men who decide from the 1^st 10 minutes in a date whether or not they want a relationship with that person. It takes women a while to decide. Unless the guy is so off, a woman needs a couple of dates to decide and even after that she will keep asking around her girl friends whether or not the guy ticked enough items on the good guy list. It will take a woman a significant amount of time to know that it is ok to be with a certain guy. It takes a woman, with history, a significant amount of time to take down the guards and trust.

That’s why the whole falling for friends thing. Because the woman has enough time to test, re-test and see things with the guy. They probably have lots in common that’s why they became friends in the 1^st place. Unlike the guys women usually fall for who are completely appalling. And friends are safe to be around, that sense of safety contributes to the falling to the friend syndrome.

But then comes the challenge, should a woman stick to the friend after he plays the relationship would ruin our friendship card or should she simply cut him off.

This is the real question that most women face at a certain moment of their life. Should she play along and see the positive side my friend listed in his comment or should she walk away. Because the truth is, she lost the friend anyway.

Didn’t I tell you before, it is Inevitable!

Abracadabra

So each of us is like a magician, with a bag of tricks. You meet a person and you start pulling one trick after the other, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. But once in a while you meet one person and all your tricks fail.

And you are left with the question will your tricks ever work on anyone again.

Once in a while you meet the one person who shakes your belief in your own magic. And you find yourself holding back from doing the one thing you know how to do because you are not sure it will ever work again.

To Whom it may Concern!

Let's assume that the long sincere talks, the intimate coffees and the full of fun dinners are of substance enough to make this a relationship and take it from there!

Random Thoughts - II

Because it is one of the reasons why I am too lazy to blog here is a collection of my answer to the infamous Facebook question “what’s on your mind?”

· Emptiness is potential. An empty glass is better than the full in the sense you can fill it with whatever you want or even keep it empty. Emptiness represents unlimited choices, in the time full is really as good as it gets!

· Here is the thing; the problem was never the bread. The problem has always been the cheese. And I really can't tell how this would put things in perspective but I certainly believe it does.

· Hope, people, is the second worst thing on your heart. It comes next to smoking and right before French Fries. It will eventually kill you but it doesn't come with a warning.

· Life is worse than our worst nightmares! People will tell you that the best is yet to come, reality check it isn't really the best that will come you just become denser and the things you thought are bad won't feel the same. If a thicker skin is considered a good thing, it is the only best you will get!

· There is always two ways to look at a thing. Like when you lose something you love. You can be bitter for losing it or just be grateful for having it in the first place. Life is a loan and so is everything in it. So, it is not really a loss, it is merely a repayment.

· أخطر الجهل ، جهل العالم

· Our most precious things in life come at no cost not because they are cheap but because they are simply "Priceless"

· Shimaa Gamal is a gold fish in a shark tank

· Always, always be ahead of things. Celebrate as early as you remember and apologize as soon as you do the mistake. Life is too short to wait for the right time ... And if you are still waiting for the right time, congratulations you have wasted your life

· If there is one thing to tell you before I die it will be eat your salad. It is more important than your steak. It might be dull, not your favorite but it is what you really need. Eat your salad!

· Shimaa Gamal is so sad to declare that everyone is a Hitler in disguise. We all are waiting for a chance!

· In the spirits of mother's day I'd like to tell all the parents out there to not be afraid of messing up their children. Always remember that you are the person you are because your parents messed up with you in a way. And there are no strict proof that there is a relation between parents' mistakes and the number of rapists and serial killers out there. Even creating a new Jack the ripper might be an accomplishment!

· Life is too short to be wasted eating flavorless ice-cream!

· تبدأ المشكلة ، فى معظم الأحيان ، حين يكون الكلام للجارة و تكون البعيدة بالفعل حمارة . و كما قيل لكل داء دواء يستطب به إلا الحماقة أعيت من يداويها

· A little bit of butter makes your life better!

· Shimaa Gamal would like to think of herself as a natural long distance runner who wins her race(s) by a trademark last minute sprint!

· كل واحد فى مصر بيطلع زى أبوه ، إبن الدكتور بيطلع دكتور ، إبن المهندس بيطلع مهندس و إبن المحامى يطلع محامى و من البديهى إن إبن الريس يطلع ريس مدام جاب مجموع . و أنا من موقعى هذا بقول إن المشكلة فى مكتب التنسيق و قواعد القبول بالكلية الجوية . الإمتحان لازم يجيى فى مستوى الطالب الناصح و بلاش يحبكّوا قوى على الطياريين علشان إبن الطيار يطلع طيار و نخلص من الفيلم الهندى اللى عايشينه ده

· اللعنة على الإير تايم

· Men are like accessories, they are not essential for the "look" but they can make it or break it. So you either do it right or forget about the whole thing!

· Regardless how eye catching the scenery of the valley is, the shining signs promising a better end up the hill would tempt everyone to move. The temptation is so big that most people skip the disclaimer written on each sign in really small letters warning that there is no way back. You can always jump off the hill but you can never turn back!

· Here is the thing, things aren't becoming oddly dull. They are bright as they have always been. It is just that I am realizing that things don't shine by nature, they barely reflect my enthusiasm. And that's one thing that I can't afford anymore.

· The more white you wear under your white shirt the more transparent it will be. I don't know how this is supposed to put things in perspective but beige is called nude for a reason it is your only way out of a not so appealing see through look! So whenever in doubt, go beige!

· العمى عمى القلوب و الضلمة ضلمة عقول و الإحساس نعمة لا يستحقها لا دول و لا دول