The thing is I want to know what was so tempting in me to make him do what he did. I can't find a good reason for a man who is deeply admired and respected by a certain someone to jeopardize all that and for what? For a couple of days of a fake romance!
Why would he do something like that?
Why would he consciously choose to move from the trusted and respected zone to the hated and despised zone?
I didn't see us happening. I saw him coming yet I depended on my defense mechanisms to deal with him. He got past the defenses. I don't really know how he did it, but one day there weren't "us" and then it just happened.
I didn't see him leaving. I was skeptic, scared and kept shaking the gift life threw at me to make sure it wasn't a bomb. Finally I gave in and I was happy.
I was finally safe and then it blew up and he left.
I am ruined beyond fixing. I am too broken to be loved. It is usually fine. It is usually ok to be that ruined and that broken. But today is one of those days when this isn't really ok. And I am not really fine.
I am ruined beyond fixing and too broken to be "loved" and it is not really ok!