It is 2.15 am and I have been crying for an hour. My plan was to read myself to sleep but instead I ended up crying myself to sleep. I am still choking on tears. And I don't know whether or not I can sleep tonight.
Why I am crying? Probably I ran out of friends. Well, I have plenty of friends. But I don't feel any of them has been understanding me recently. They are annoying. They are annoying with all their advices and tips. With all their sympathy and empathy. They are annoying because they are cold.
I know it is anger talk, but I am lonely. And I feel trapped. And I can't see a point in living ... really.
I don't want to work. I don't want to get married. I don't want to have kids. I am not even doing the things I used to do. I barely read. I stopped blogging. It takes a miracle to get me out to do anything. I am always short tempered. I am picking on fights with everyone. And i am crying myself to sleep.
I am drained. I am drained. I have no energy to explain how or why. I don't want to explain. I am just drained. And I can't wish to die because I don't want to die. I want to live. Really, all what I want is to live. But there is no point in living.
And I am lonely.
I am drained.
And people are dense.
I ran out of means of "self recharging".
There is no point in living
yet I am breathing!
People are really too dense I prefer being alone.
People are too dense I stopped telling them things.
People are really dense, they can't keep their advices to their own.
I am lonely, I am drained and I am crying myself to sleep.
December 17, 2012
December 13, 2012
Four years ago I wrote that chances that we get an “Islamic republic of Egypt” are next to null. It was so clear that the fight to get an “Islamic Egypt” is peaking and I took the side of believing in Egyptians. I chose to believe a myth about “Egyptian Religion Tolerance” which is something we say but any of us know it wasn’t true all the time.
Four years ago anyone would tell you Egypt is heading into the unknown at full speed. In late 2009 everyone would sense 2010 will be the year of “change”. And it wasn’t till late 2010 when the Tunisians decided to take down Ben Ali when my "La Révolution en Rouge" worries became real.
Egypt was about to explode and I had nothing to do. I told everyone I know that what’s going to happen is wrong. I went into denial believing that we have responsible government who would listen and act to serve the people. I am calling it denial because I have been talking about the signs of lack of governance. I was in denial because I knew the state was failing yet I “hoped” they will step up to the situation.
And then it happened. The “revolution” happened. The change everyone knew will come and no one dared to stop or control. In my humble opinion what happened in Jan25 2011 wasn’t a revolution. It was more of a televised coup, a coup that many sold as a move in favor of the rule of law, equality, justice and supposedly other good things. It was nothing more a televised coup but people called it “public revolution” and theorized for the role of “innocent youth” and “un-politicized” masses.
Two years of theorizing for how “inspiring” the “peaceful revolution” was. Two years of circulating false readings to positions and political scene in the media and among “political elites”. Two years that got us to where we are now.
Where are we now?
At this very moment we are half step away from hell. Let me explain. Right now we have an “Islamist” president. A president who belongs to an “organization” that’s illegitimate, secret and armed! A president who took an oath to serve and protect a constitution then woke up one day deciding he won’t. A president who doesn’t respect law, and who said I am law and I am immune. A president who is now the executive, legislative and judiciary branches of state. A president who called his opposition traitors and sent the “militia” of his “secret” organization to kill them in front of his palace. a president who is fighting everything and everyone to get a constitution draft to referendum. A referendum that judges refused to supervise and the government has no idea how to organize.
A president who is doing his best so the people of Egypt submit to him and his organization. And whoever “thinks” this isn’t how things should be done has no place in this country.
This is where we are.
The televised coup succeed in being a “revolution” as it got rid of a said to be “autocratic” state and replaced it with an “autocratic” and “theocratic” one.
Right now, Egypt is being taken over by the “secret” organization. And I am not very optimistic about it.
The president with his “decree” attacked the “judiciary” and claimed it his. The judges are fighting for their independence. They are escalating into a full civil disobedience.
The referendum is still taking place, thought right now all signs show it will be rigged. Yet the “President” and his “organization” are still pushing to have it on time and one more time he issued more “God Powers” decrees to make the “referendum” happens.
The “president” and his “organization” are playing on time. They believe that people will give in to submission if held on to their places for long.
The “president” and his “organization” are playing the “sectarian” card. They are calling their opposition “Christians”. Not only they are threatening “minority rights” by their proposed constitution ( if we assumed Christians are a minority just for the sake of argument) but also they are calling in the majority to “act” on sectarian basis.
The “president” and his “organization” are also playing the “classes” card. They are calling their opposition “rich”. In a country with a troubled economy like Egypt and with no sign of improvement soon, they are calling for the poor to take things on their own hands. They are calling or maybe threatening a “hunger revolution” had the Egyptian didn’t submit to their will.
The judges are 1st, then will come the turn for the army and every other thing in what used to be called Egypt. The Islamists will take down the state one institution after the other, and will “Islamize” the society one law after the other. And whoever thinks differently, will have the “militias” to deal with him.
The point is, in order for them to take down Egypt they will have to take down lots of Egyptians in the way. They will happily do it. And as they do it, in theory they will lose which will make their fall inevitable.
But in theory too, we will all be dead by the time they fall.