April 04, 2008

For Those Who Don’t Care

Being the other woman was never an easy job. To be the other woman, a woman should posses a high degree of self confidence. To be the other woman, a woman should always have a strong belief in her man. She has always to be confident that no other woman could take her man off her. She has always to be confident that he has chosen her over the world and preferred her even when he was supposed to be taken. She has always to believe in him. She has always to believe that he is always true to her. And whatever he gives of reasons to justify putting her in the shades is real. To be the other woman, a woman should always be completely independent. Only an independent woman can live with the fact that the man she depends on isn’t really there for her when she needs him. Only an independent woman can keep a man satisfied by being needed and never ask that man to fulfill his promises. To be the other woman, a woman should always be courageous. A woman should always be ready to face the blames of friends, family, strangers and eventually her man. To be the other woman, a woman should be creative. A woman should always find a way to warm up her bed in the cold nights because her man is busy warming up someone else’s. A woman should always find a way to speak up her mind when there is no one to listen. A woman should always find a way to know how to wait without feeling abandoned.
To be the other, a woman should always be kind. A woman will be happy for her man’s happiness. A woman will be happy seeing her man’s children growing up. A woman should posses enough kindness to love these children as her own.
To be the other woman, a woman should always be tolerant. As being the other woman, hurt and loneliness will always be her only friends.
It was never easy to be the other woman. It was never easy to live with the fact that someone who says he loves you have chosen someone over you. It was never easy to live every day as a new day. It was never easy to go to bed wondering if he will ever call in the morning. It was never easy to be scared and he is the last to be put on the speed dial. It was never easy to know that hope was never an option. It was never easy to stay in the time you know he has already left.


Sherif said...

That's very impressive .. so deep that I was really affected.

In fact it raises several questions.

Does man really need any other woman?

And ,if all women understand this fact, why shouldn't they accept living all in lieu of leaving someone in the shadow?

The answer is selfishness ..
but the paradox would be whose selfishness ?

Is it man is selfish because he tends to have another woman ?

Or is it woman that wants man to be only hers ?

By the way, sometimes the other woman may turn out to be the only one he cares for ?

A wonderful and interesting post.

Anonymous said...

It's rather risky business to be the other woman, very risky i might add..
even if she turned out to be the only woman in very very rare cases.
for the man it's only exciting sex and hopefully he thinks you're fun to be with, but that's about it.
for the woman, she will miss out on the opportunity to meet guys that are prepared to commit and be exclusive or at least keep .
it's like playing Russian roullette, it's not worth it.

Shimaa Gamal said...

My Dear Sherif
I admit your comments always add depth to my thought-less thoughts. I have always wondered about that question, does men really need other women?
This question always led me to my war strategy analysis. The analysis that most people hated because I said life is like war. Both men and women get into this war with a target. They both seek security but each defines it in a different way. Though the definition of security had changed through time but the essence didn’t change since the cave time.
A woman will always seek one man. By instinct females are used to be approached by several males but only one of these males will be chosen to be the one because for females security is in the guarantee of the bond. For women security isn’t in feeling wanted once, it is on the constancy of the feeling. A woman feels of value when she knows that her man appreciate her constant presence in his life.
Men on the other hand feel of value when they feel needed. The more he is being needed and wanted the more he feels of himself as a worthy male. That’s why the war is never over for a man. like a peacock he will always spread his shiny colorful tail not only to make his female feel secured that she’s got him but also to attract as many other females as he can. The more females he attracts the more he feel secured. He is secured when he believes is a worthy, catchy male.
But that never meant that a man will ever get serious with any of the new females he attracts. He is satisfied by the process of attraction not the process of getting in a routine.
Actually in the other woman paradox I never found anyone guilty. Or maybe the guilt is divided evenly on the three parts. The man who didn’t stop at the attraction phase, the other woman who got attracted to a flagged peacock and the wife, who took the guarantee of the bond for granted.
I once had a conversation with a friend of mine. It was about men and cheating and I wondered how a woman can never spot the change in her man. How can a woman miss the trace of the enemy? A man will certainly change, either for the better or the worse (and mostly for the better) so why when a man changes for the better a woman will never wonder.
When I first knew Brad, I have always felt that there is a trace of a woman in his actions. My instinct never mistaken it, the only thing I was mistaken in was the source of that trace. I first thought it was the trace of the stalker, and when he denied it I took my worries to that stalker and asked her if she has ever felt that something is holding Brad back. She said she never felt a woman holding him back. So I caved and thought it was my paranoid nature. But unfortunately I was right. And that incident made me believe that a woman should never stop listening to her instinct. And that very incident proved my theory that a woman who can’t spot the trace of another woman on her man doesn’t deserve to mark that man as her territory. That woman has lost her war.
Men are selfish by definition, but women aren’t. The only reason a woman never think of sharing her man with someone else is that she knows that it was never possible to divide security. She knows that back in the cave time, when her man returned with a new woman that meant more mouths to feed, that meant less space to live in, and that meant one more opinion to be taken and she will lose her effective majority. Men are selfish because they will never share their gains. They mark their women as their territory and they can never think of sharing them with other men.
Anyway, I don’t think that the other woman will ever turn to be the only woman a man cares about. He cares about that other woman but at least in our community he will never take the step of taking her out of the shades. For many reasons which might lead me to an endless talk.
I know have been long but I can’t help the talkative mood.
Thanks for giving me the chance let all those buzzes out

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Mahmood
I am really feeling talkative this morning :) :)
I agree, choosing to be the other woman (if choice is an option) is entitled to a great amount of risk.
I personally believe that the other woman can never turn to be the only woman in a man’s life. It might be a probability but it doesn’t have a common chance to occur.
In our community, that other woman will be in the shades for as long as the man can have her. Till the wife finally get to know. A smart wife will dump that man. An Egyptian wife will make a scene and end up keeping the relation. The man will keep on his old habit of hunting. If he didn’t get back to his other woman he will search for another. I personally believe that to get to the stage of satisfaction of having someone else in a man’s life means that his relation with the wide lacks something important. To have a double steady relation is against the human nature. Men usually stop at the stage of flirting because as I said before it is the knowledge that he is worthy male that makes the difference. To take this relation a step further means that this man is missing something in his steady relation and this is not usually the fault of the wife. It is probably his fault because he couldn’t communicate his needs to the person who gave her life into his.
I agree, by choosing to be the other woman a woman will be missing many chances of real commitment. But this will lead us again to the nature of that other woman. Not all women can be the other women. I believe that sometimes to be the other woman a woman should be arrogant enough not to see the flags of the wife on a man’s head. Or may be that woman isn’t really searching for commitment. The other woman could be a silly romantic who really believes that men actually love the same way women do. And there always be the option that the man is hell of experienced to make a sane woman satisfied by so little of him.
Being the other woman is worthless, maybe. I even believe love is worthless if we had to put all we have in life on stake for it. Being the other woman is like placing bets on a dead horse. There is no chance that dead horse will ever win a race. He needs a miracle to get back to life and only then the odds are equal to win the race!!
I am sorry again for being long. But I can’t stop talking :)


LiL^OrioN said...

my mum was the other woman.

and astaghfirullah... the trials she had to go through. i think being in a polygamous family taught me one thing.

that men can never be satisfied with one woman.

i'm sorry for being so hard on men, but i've not met ANY man i can truly trust.

men are always wanting something better. for women, i think we're easily "satisfied".

there's a saying that's common in my community, "men have 9 brains, but 1 nafs (desire). and women have 9 nafs but 1 brain. but sadly, men are driven by that 1 nafs alone."

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

well i dont have much to add here, u said it all... just sherif comment caught my attention:

selfishness!! who is the selfish here?
a man who cannot be satisfied with one woman !!
or a woman who refuses to share her man with another ?? even if she knows that he is hers, and his wife is just some sort of social commitment

i think that it is the man who is selfish, and i am not saying this cause i am a feminist ... but cause it is true

mahmoud said one reason
by holding her destiny, she will loose chances for serious commitment... real love sometimes... she will grow up old alone, when he is busy with his children and grandchildren ... she would be blamed by toub el ard, and earn the title of 7'arabet el boyot , 7'atafet el regala...

a man would satisfy his emotional, sexual desires... without even noticing her needs for social respect

a woman will pay, and the man will enjoy his natural right

it is not worth it... and i challenge anyone who can argue my logic

about the post: a woman with these qualities, is a goddess, not just a woman ... and doesnt deserve to be in the hands of a normal human who doesnt know her value.

seems that i have caught the talkative virus from you :) but .... believe it or not, i am pushed by many to fall in this second woman hole... still keep my strength and not responding!!

i hope till the end

my regards

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello My Dear Egyptiana
I have been cornered in the shades for long to the extent that I personally believe that I was created to be a mistress not a wife *LOL*.
You are right men are selfish; the man is the only winner in such types of relation not only because of the good sex (good because it is supposed to be forbidden) or the dedicated emotions but mainly because he has a goddess at his disposal. The second woman is usually the every man’s dream. She comes with rights and no obligations. He has the right to manipulate and he isn’t even obligated to fulfill.
I hate dogs, I hate them more the more I get to know men.
Hat3mely eh fi sham el neseem :) :)