April 29, 2008
Egyptian and Proud, are you?
He is a good friend of mine. We spend long time together talking about almost everything in life. We might represent different ideologies but these ideologies never contradicted. Everyone kept what he believes to himself, after all a bit of difference is always needed.
He is a Palestinian, which is something that I never noticed. For me he is an Egyptian as far as he lives here in Egypt. I am not a strong believer in the National Arabic Identity as I personally believe Arabism is a curse. The old Arabs kept fighting for over 40 years because of a camel in a famous war called “EL Basoos” (it was named after the camel). The Basoos war is an example for how the Arabs lived back then before Islam. They fought over nonsense. They were barbarians scattered through desert. It took them a miracle, a prophet and a strong religion to gather them. And what gathered them back then wasn’t the National Arabic Identity. What gathered them was the religion. I am a strong believer in history, and because of that history I know that all the calls for Arabism aren’t feasible, because those who call for an Arabic alley have picked the wrong gene to count on. So, for me Palestinians who have been living in Egypt are Egyptians, anyone who was born and/ or raised or even lived on the land of Egypt is an Egyptian.
Everything was fine, till the morning after Sham El Nessim. I was joking about the rituals and I asked him if he did his part as a father and taught his children the rituals. He replied that he doesn’t care about those rituals. And that he is doing his best to eliminate that celebration. And that all the rituals of the ancient Egyptians should be vanished. One thing led to the other and he started cursing the ancient Egyptians. I really couldn’t understand how can a person who claims he is Egyptian curse the creators of this country. How can an Egyptian be that disgraceful for the first civilization in the world? How can an Egyptian deny that his ancestors were the first to write, the first to put laws (we did simultaneously with the Mesopotamia guys), the first to embrace monotheism and the first to discover medicine and diagnose diseases. How can an Egyptian ever forget that in the darkest ages of time, Egypt was the first ever light to lead the world to what it has now. The Greeks spent years in Alexandria sipping the essence of civilization they inherited from the ancient Egyptians, they then lent their legacy to the Romans and then to the Arabs, and then back to Europe to build in the renaissance. How could anyone in the world deny this?
I know that Egypt is passing through a hell of a down time. Things are bad, things have been bad for quiet a while now, but does this ever mean that Egyptians should stop being proud of being Egyptians? Does this ever mean that Egyptians lost the gene that made them create history? Does this ever mean to have people cursing ancient Egyptians and calling that Egypt is just present and future? Is history is really nothing?
If anyone thinks that history never counts, they should first know the difference between history and past. Past is the sequence of incidents that happened and no one learn from. History is the events that happened for a reason. The reason is kept so that people learn. History is the record of learnt experiences. You can’t have present without history, you can never build future without history. What makes humans, humans is history. We are animals in every sense but we learn from our past. And through this learning process we build civilizations.
The fact that he claims that he is Egyptian in the time he shows all the kinds of disgrace to the Egyptian history really pissed me off. The fact that he curses the ancient Egyptians based on religion misconception pisses me off. The fact that he doesn’t show the least respect for the country he lives in pisses me off. He claims that he isn’t alone and there are a lot of Egyptians who care not about history and are sound members of the ancient Egyptians cursing club. How many of us are Egyptians and are not proud? How many of us are that sore? How many of us are happy giving away the little rituals we managed to preserve over centuries of misery? How many of us claim to be Egyptians in the time they really belong to no where?
Good God, I might hate that country sometimes but I love it to the core. It is the best place on this earth. Not because it is clean, I know it is dirty. Not because of the high standard of living, I know most of the Egyptians barely live. Not because of the kind nature of people, as this aspect is down grading so fast. But it is the best place on earth because it is my country. These people are the best people in the world because they are my people. But seems that we have imported too much of Canaan. Those who claim to be Egyptians but I doubt would ever do anything for this country.
I am Egyptian and I am proud. If you are not please find some other country to live in. Because you are the reason this country isn’t doing well.
The following song goes to all the Egyptians. Listen to Shadia and remember we have the gene.
April 26, 2008
Sleepless Thoughts: Waiting for Godot, He said he would come.
Before we start here are some little pieces of my mind
This is the first time I ever write something and think twice before posting it on my blog.
I can’t stop thinking that it was all about the stalker and when he learned that I have no relation with her now, he walked away as there is no use of me.
I am not that smart, but I am dump enough to do something to test if it was all about that thing. I can’t stop thinking that it was really all about it.
I have had troubles sleeping for a little more than a week now. I spend hours in bed trying to sleep, I suffer from different nightmares that ranges from cooking soup that turns to be insects to being lost in Alexandria trying to find my way in an old car driven by an old woman who can’t drive. I wake up early though. I struggle headaches all day and end up looping in a vicious circle of sleeping troubles. I even tried the old trick of reading a really boring book; Mars & Venus Starting over took its place back by my bedside. I never liked the book because I guess I am not ready to start over yet. To start over I have to acknowledge that something had come to an end. The book didn’t help, I couldn’t sleep and I started reading old magazines. Even the boring radio show failed to put me to sleep. I had the same ideas buzzing into my mind. I finally sleep when I am too tired to think to wake up in an hour suffocating from a dream.Every time I put my head to rest to the pillow I remember him. I remember how this pillow was his shoulder for many nights. I remember the day he said the friend was never there. I remember how happy I was and how scared I felt. I was happy that I had the man, even for a day, and I was scared that this will eventually lead to the end. I didn’t want to lose him, and I still can’t afford losing him, neither the friend nor the man. It was the whole package from day one. He was the man, and he was the friend.
Every time I go to sleep I remember him, I remember his words that I saved deep into my heart
“The way I think of you is not a friend, to me you are this 'woman' that keeps me thinking all the time of what life could have become with her. A woman whom I can only dare to guess how pretty she is and imagine how soft her skin is next to mine how 'home' she feels if I were her man, and inside her. How majestic it would be to make love to a woman I’m fully and harmoniously atoned to. When I’m all by myself, I sit somewhere nice and quiet with nice music filling the air and allow my self to picture you in a totally different frame. And perhaps now you can imagine why I gave up my long afternoon walks thinking it's because I have a better, sweeter, prettier load of thoughts that have already sealed my mind heart and soul. You belong to no frame; you belong to a man's arms. A man who loves you, like me.”
Every time I go to sleep I remember his words and can’t stop thinking that he might have left me because of them.
I can’t sleep because I miss him, and when I miss him I remember when he said that he misses me in a way that scares him.
He’d withdrawn for a reason. He is keeping himself away for something that I can’t know. Was it something I said? Perhaps something I did? Did I push my limits? Did I wish too far? Did I demand too much?
It’s been two weeks of an official staying low attitude. He said he feels blue. I tried to cheer him up, but that never seemed to help. I gave him the space he asked for, but I needed the friend. I was lonely, trapped and I wanted to talk it over. I wanted to check on him. I wanted to know when he will be leaving. I felt that won’t fall under pushing my limits. He once promised me that he will always be there whenever I needed him. Was it a mistake to take his promise for real? He accused me of plotting plans to ruin his relation with her. He blamed me for calling. He said I should have never called. He said I have always picked the wrong times. It wasn’t supposed to be a wrong time. It was morning when he usually gets up. It was morning and she has a life unlike me. She has a job unlike me. How would I ever know she is off? Why would it ever be wrong to call a friend and check on him? I was worried, and yes I missed him. I really missed him in a way that never scared me.
He left and he didn’t call. He didn’t even drop me a line to reply on my mails. And finally he replied, “I am fine, don’t worry :)”. After two weeks of staying low all what he had to say is “I am fine”. He didn’t even care to add what about you to that cold line. He didn’t even care to give an explanation for his attitude.
He left me all alone in the dilemma of figuring out, if that behavior is anyway related to the old pull away when he acted the same only to find out he’s got engaged. And if it was the case, does this mean he is finally married? Does this mean that his first mistake wasn’t really a mistake? Does that mean he is deliberately doing this? Does this mean he is consciously compromising my trusting system again? Does this mean that I have done one more mistake? Does this mean that I am cornered in the very same old corner but with no right to object? Is he really gone again? Why? He didn’t give a reason when he left in the first time, and there is no reason for him to leave again?
What did I do wrong? Sameh said that I might get attached; did he use the wrong tense? Am I already attached? Why he asked me to never answer Sameh’s question? Why did he say his heart was beating? I thought he was scared. But our hearts beat of different reasons. Was he anxious? Happy? Angry? Lying?!!
He is haunting me. His words are haunting me. His smile is haunting me. His voice is haunting me. He’s even haunting me in my dreams. I can’t sleep. I am up all night waiting for my Godot as he promised to never leave.
Sleep well my love
Sleep knowing that there are people out there whom love
Sleep like an angel, like I always imagine thee
Sleep soundedly, and show the world what a peaceful face is.
Sleep and let me lie down on my bed, gazing up at nonety, but in deep thoughts about you.
Sleep well, my love.
P.S.
A special thank you goes for my friend Tamer. Thanks for inspiring the title.
April 24, 2008
Current Thought - Sham El Nessim
The ancient Egyptians aren’t being called ancient for no reason. They were the first civilized nation in the world or at least they are competing on the first place with those guys on the Mesopotamia. Historians start recording the history of civilized Egypt from 3150 BC which was when King Narmer (aka Menes) unified the two kingdoms (upper and lower Egypt) under his ruling. Yet the essence of civilization could be traced back to year 5500 BC when the first community settled by the river Nile.
The Egyptians created a perfect model of civilization; they started by agriculture, cultivating corps with surplus, using this surplus in trade. They maintained a strong political system, a strong military and they were even the first in history to sign a peace treaty. They had a solid legal system, they created their own calendar and they were the first to embrace monotheism. They were the first to write (one of the things they are competing on with the Mesopotamia guys), they were the first to believe in the after life, and they practiced medicine with signs that they even performed surgery. Culture nourished in their time and they even celebrated feasts.
Most of the ancient Egyptians feasts were either related to their agriculture oriented life or religion based celebrations. One of these celebrations that is still known to that day is Sham El Nessim.
Sham El Nessim is almost the only ancient Egyptian feast that is still celebrated by the Egyptians. The ancient Egyptians used to celebrate that day as they believed it was the day the world was created. They celebrated the renewal of life each year. It was originally called Shamo. Shamo’s celebration could be traced back to the old kingdom or little earlier.
That day remained of sound importance in the life of Egyptians, in the time of Moses and after the ten plagues the Israelites were finally granted the permission of the Exodus. It was the day before the Egyptians were about to celebrate Shamo. And so Shamo and Passover came to a union. Another interesting union happened in the time of the Christ when Egypt was a province of Rome. The event of crucifixion took place in the time Jews were celebrating Passover and so both Abrahamic religions that the Egyptians new so far were related to Shamo in a way. Later on, when the Arabs brought Islam in Shamo was still part of the culture. Things changed, the Egyptian views about the creation of the world have changed but the celebration was still a part of the traditions. The Arabs amended El Nessim (which is fresh air in Arabic) as the word Shamo was similar to the Arabic word Sham (which means smelling), and so the old Egyptian holy feast changed to be the feast of smelling fresh air. The Egyptians though kept most of the old rituals or serving salted fish, lettuce and onions to their visitors and to themselves. Though no one could ever remember what does these symbols mean but they are still keeping the rituals. They even added cookies to the menu as cookies are the way Egyptians celebrate feasts and being the day following the Easter Sunday, the cookies of that feast is always on the menu.
The very pure Egyptian feast is the only proof that Egypt is still Egypt. I placed a bet a couple of days ago in a post that the chances of having an Egyptian Islamic state like Iran or Saudi Arabia are null. And my proof is Sham El Nessim. After around 5000 years of history Egyptians are still performing rituals that are related to their old Gods. They have changed the name added the other related feasts to the calendar but they never stopped celebrating it. After 5000 years, Egyptians are still keeping the secrets of salted fish, still eating onions and lettuce. They added the colorful eggs to their menu and the cookies or the Easter day.
I will know that Egypt is about to turn into an Islamic state monster when the Muslim radicals succeed in convincing Muslims that these rituals of celebrating Shamo is against Islam because Islam gave us two feasts to celebrate. And if at any given point of time my Christian neighbor stopped giving me the big plate of cookies. Egyptians make, now buy, cookies so that they can share in feasts. Whenever we stop exchanging those really bog plates of calories I will know it is about time to find another place to live.
So, my fellow Egyptians whether you like the salted fish or not there is no excuse to ever dump celebrating the day of creation. Because it is not the creation of life that we are celebrating but it is the creation of the oldest civilization in this world (forget about the Mesopotamia guys *wicked wink*)
The Egyptians created a perfect model of civilization; they started by agriculture, cultivating corps with surplus, using this surplus in trade. They maintained a strong political system, a strong military and they were even the first in history to sign a peace treaty. They had a solid legal system, they created their own calendar and they were the first to embrace monotheism. They were the first to write (one of the things they are competing on with the Mesopotamia guys), they were the first to believe in the after life, and they practiced medicine with signs that they even performed surgery. Culture nourished in their time and they even celebrated feasts.
Most of the ancient Egyptians feasts were either related to their agriculture oriented life or religion based celebrations. One of these celebrations that is still known to that day is Sham El Nessim.
Sham El Nessim is almost the only ancient Egyptian feast that is still celebrated by the Egyptians. The ancient Egyptians used to celebrate that day as they believed it was the day the world was created. They celebrated the renewal of life each year. It was originally called Shamo. Shamo’s celebration could be traced back to the old kingdom or little earlier.
That day remained of sound importance in the life of Egyptians, in the time of Moses and after the ten plagues the Israelites were finally granted the permission of the Exodus. It was the day before the Egyptians were about to celebrate Shamo. And so Shamo and Passover came to a union. Another interesting union happened in the time of the Christ when Egypt was a province of Rome. The event of crucifixion took place in the time Jews were celebrating Passover and so both Abrahamic religions that the Egyptians new so far were related to Shamo in a way. Later on, when the Arabs brought Islam in Shamo was still part of the culture. Things changed, the Egyptian views about the creation of the world have changed but the celebration was still a part of the traditions. The Arabs amended El Nessim (which is fresh air in Arabic) as the word Shamo was similar to the Arabic word Sham (which means smelling), and so the old Egyptian holy feast changed to be the feast of smelling fresh air. The Egyptians though kept most of the old rituals or serving salted fish, lettuce and onions to their visitors and to themselves. Though no one could ever remember what does these symbols mean but they are still keeping the rituals. They even added cookies to the menu as cookies are the way Egyptians celebrate feasts and being the day following the Easter Sunday, the cookies of that feast is always on the menu.
The very pure Egyptian feast is the only proof that Egypt is still Egypt. I placed a bet a couple of days ago in a post that the chances of having an Egyptian Islamic state like Iran or Saudi Arabia are null. And my proof is Sham El Nessim. After around 5000 years of history Egyptians are still performing rituals that are related to their old Gods. They have changed the name added the other related feasts to the calendar but they never stopped celebrating it. After 5000 years, Egyptians are still keeping the secrets of salted fish, still eating onions and lettuce. They added the colorful eggs to their menu and the cookies or the Easter day.
I will know that Egypt is about to turn into an Islamic state monster when the Muslim radicals succeed in convincing Muslims that these rituals of celebrating Shamo is against Islam because Islam gave us two feasts to celebrate. And if at any given point of time my Christian neighbor stopped giving me the big plate of cookies. Egyptians make, now buy, cookies so that they can share in feasts. Whenever we stop exchanging those really bog plates of calories I will know it is about time to find another place to live.
So, my fellow Egyptians whether you like the salted fish or not there is no excuse to ever dump celebrating the day of creation. Because it is not the creation of life that we are celebrating but it is the creation of the oldest civilization in this world (forget about the Mesopotamia guys *wicked wink*)
April 20, 2008
Happy Birthday Sameh
I have been thinking of something to write him in his birthday. I am talkative but sometimes words seem to dump me. Tomorrow my good friend will turn 33. And this means that I am too getting older. The good news is at least one of us is getting wiser and the other is doing enough stupid things for the rest of the generation.
I guess this will be your lucky year. May all wishes come true and may all my wishes to meet you soon come true.
Thanks for being there when others seem to forget.
Love, Always
Shimaa
April 19, 2008
April 18, 2008
Pages From a torn diary – The break up letter
This is an email that I sent to a friend of mine a week before quitting my job. I guess if any of my family ever read it, they would have understood many things. But as everyone else in my life, they never read.
Good Morning
Have you ever felt trapped, stuck in middle of no where, have you ever looked back to see that whatever happened to you had a pattern that goes from bad to worse, have you ever looked under your feet to find that you don't have ground under, have you ever looked forward to find nothing but vain? Have u ever been me?I have never felt worse, I can't find appreciation anywhere, even me, I can't even appreciate myself, so if I am of no use to the world, can I have a permission to die? Or may I just vanish, as if I never came to this life, can I be a plant, a fish, anything but me.I know I am wrong to wait for appreciation from anyone, but I just can’t, I feel so bad. I can't even find a shoulder to cry on.I am just a balloon. I don't even want to talk. I have nothing to say. I am so, so, so down, I am 100 kilometers under the ground or maybe they forgot me right inside the core.Why everyone is expecting me to adapt, or that I would simply keep hitting my head on the wall and that eventually I will manage to break the wall and maintain my head intact? Why I always have to be strong? And why I always have to manage, and why I can never have someone or something for granted?I have been saying that I can’t take more for long, when will anyone see the sign I am holding that I need support? I need help; I need things to go my way only once for a change, why I have to go the way others want, or the way things are?Am I asking for a miracle? Even if I am asking for one, don't I deserve one??
P.S.
This family circle is getting tight, I am suffocating.
Good Morning
Have you ever felt trapped, stuck in middle of no where, have you ever looked back to see that whatever happened to you had a pattern that goes from bad to worse, have you ever looked under your feet to find that you don't have ground under, have you ever looked forward to find nothing but vain? Have u ever been me?I have never felt worse, I can't find appreciation anywhere, even me, I can't even appreciate myself, so if I am of no use to the world, can I have a permission to die? Or may I just vanish, as if I never came to this life, can I be a plant, a fish, anything but me.I know I am wrong to wait for appreciation from anyone, but I just can’t, I feel so bad. I can't even find a shoulder to cry on.I am just a balloon. I don't even want to talk. I have nothing to say. I am so, so, so down, I am 100 kilometers under the ground or maybe they forgot me right inside the core.Why everyone is expecting me to adapt, or that I would simply keep hitting my head on the wall and that eventually I will manage to break the wall and maintain my head intact? Why I always have to be strong? And why I always have to manage, and why I can never have someone or something for granted?I have been saying that I can’t take more for long, when will anyone see the sign I am holding that I need support? I need help; I need things to go my way only once for a change, why I have to go the way others want, or the way things are?Am I asking for a miracle? Even if I am asking for one, don't I deserve one??
P.S.
This family circle is getting tight, I am suffocating.
A Series Of Pointless Posts -4- The Three Words
If I am to honestly describe myself in three words these words will be:
Arrogant
Self-Centered
Stupid
Arrogant
Self-Centered
Stupid
April 16, 2008
Absolutely Nonsense
What's Your Romantic Pattern?
My Result: Rags to Riches
But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: Feeling the need to get your due.
Have you or your partner been discriminated against? Have people done their best to keep you apart? People with the strength of character to pursue their loves despite obstacles and adversity often find themselves in this pattern.
In the film "Pretty in Pink", Molly Ringwald wins the heart of the rich preppy, while in the movie "16 Candles", tough-guy Judd Nelson craves the attention of pretty girl Ringwald.
April 15, 2008
Current Thought – Miss Havisham
Honestly I am not a Dickens fan. The only thing I like for Dickens is the tale of two cities, I never liked his semi-autobiographical writings. That’s why I never liked David Copperfield, Oliver Twist (though I love the musical) and great expectations. Maybe I hated them because I never understood such kinds of misery at early age. I never liked the theme of the early industrial revolution in England and I never understood how life can be so cruel to a person and then everything eventually ends up for the best.
Though I never liked any of Dickens’ miseries but yet I kept a character or a line engraved in my mind. I may not remember the plot of David Copperfield. For me he was just an orphan in a misery but the only thing I remember is a line where Mr. Barkis asks David to tell Miss Peggotty that he is willing.
It was Miss Havisham that got engraved in my mind out of Dickens’ great expectations, sitting in her chair, wearing her wedding gown and setting the time to the same day and the same hour. I remember that she got me scared when I was younger. She was completely out of this world. I couldn’t understand how someone would ever be willing to stop the time. At that time I wasn’t ever going to understand how life could ever be defined by a single tragic event.
The older I grew, the more I remembered Miss Havisham. The older I grow the more I wish I could stop the time. And the more I remember Miss Havisham the more I get scared. But this time not because she seems out of this world but because I am scared to end up like her an old cruel spinster who is blinded by rage and will end up burnt in her preferred solitude.
Just in case Miss Havisham’s ghost kept haunting me I will keep the candles away!!
The Best Start For The Day
My cousin sent me this joke. I am still feeling blue but this joke made me think about smiling
Enjoy
Enjoy
NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" You'll love the answer... The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" You'll love the answer... The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
April 14, 2008
Political Buzzes – 1
Chances to have an Islamic Republic of Egypt: NULL
Regardless how hard the Muslim Brotherhood are working, regardless how scared is the government and regardless the increasing hype of the radical Islamic preaching. The chances to see Egypt as an Islamic state like the case of Iran or Saudi Arabia are null.
What the Muslim Brotherhood and the government are missing is that the Islam the Egyptian Muslims embrace is the Egyptian Islam. Which is supposed to be Sunni but it is Sheie in the core that respects Christianity and still follows the pharos rituals. It is almost impossible to cage a diversified culture in a stiff ideology frame. Egyptian Christians on the other hand don’t differ from the Muslims. They embrace a religion that is a mix of different heritages. We Egyptians do it subconsciously. We just do it. We have been doing it for more than 5000 years. The only chance for such a dream to occur is to change the Egyptians. To have such a type of state the only way is to teach Egyptians to discriminate. They have been doing their best to do, but unfortunately misery ends up uniting them all.
Regardless how hard the Muslim Brotherhood are working, regardless how scared is the government and regardless the increasing hype of the radical Islamic preaching. The chances to see Egypt as an Islamic state like the case of Iran or Saudi Arabia are null.
What the Muslim Brotherhood and the government are missing is that the Islam the Egyptian Muslims embrace is the Egyptian Islam. Which is supposed to be Sunni but it is Sheie in the core that respects Christianity and still follows the pharos rituals. It is almost impossible to cage a diversified culture in a stiff ideology frame. Egyptian Christians on the other hand don’t differ from the Muslims. They embrace a religion that is a mix of different heritages. We Egyptians do it subconsciously. We just do it. We have been doing it for more than 5000 years. The only chance for such a dream to occur is to change the Egyptians. To have such a type of state the only way is to teach Egyptians to discriminate. They have been doing their best to do, but unfortunately misery ends up uniting them all.
April 13, 2008
April 10, 2008
The Proofs of Love
The other night during one of HH’s sessions to brainwash me he said he loves me to an extent that I could never understand. I said I guess I loved him more. He paused for a moment and replied “you will never know” and after a longer pause he said “you can never know”.
What he said that night seemed to be an answer for a question that have always popped into my mind. People have always said they loved me, but I couldn’t ever find a proof for that love. Maybe I couldn’t because love is undefined and it is not easy to proof something that is foggily defined.
People have always said it is something that you would feel. Which is true to a point as feelings might fail us sometimes. Feelings are good up to the point our minds give in. and yet again the question will rise, if that really love? How would anyone tell?
The answer was on my bathroom shelf. I have always reached for the same shampoo; I loved the way it smelled. People tried convincing me that other brands might be better for my hair, but I just loved my shampoo so that’s why I have always preferred it. So the answer my bathroom shelf gave me was “love is preference”. Love is when you prefer something/ someone over anything else regardless how good it really is. You prefer it for a reason that is good enough for you. I took the shelf’s answer and went to dine with a friend. And though I am still following a diet I couldn’t resist trying the cheesecake. That cheesecake cave me another answer, love is when you enjoy while compromising. I had to walk back home to burn those extra calories. That cheesecake was worth every step I walked. I didn’t mind sacrificing effort and time. So love is in sacrifice and compromise. So now it was in preference, sacrifice and compromise. I looked around me and saw how my sister have gone through all my moods and managed surfing my waves. No one else would have tolerated my ups and downs. Not on a daily basis not when these moods change every other minute. The answer my sister gave me was love is in tolerance and co-existing.
So, till now love is made of preference, sacrifice, compromise and tolerance. I looked at my dad’s version of love, while he keeps forgiving. I listened to a distant relative saying that my mother was on her bed, battling cancer and literally dying. My mother didn’t ask our relative to pray for her. She asked her to pray for her husband and little kids. For my mother we were her priority. She’d put us ahead of her own interest. So love isn’t only preference it is also when you put someone as a priority. It is not only in sacrifice, tolerance and compromise. It is also when you forgive. It is when fresh starts are always an option.
When my brother and sister got me a new cell phone in my birthday, when they gave the new gold bracelet, when Essam called to listen to me crying for an hour after Brad’s disappearance, when Sameh blames me for the stupid things I do, when Roka keeps calling to get me out of the cave, when Fatma always remember and always know. And when Safaa bought me the earrings I wanted and when she said that she wants me to know that she loves me more than any of the creepy men in my life and she will always be around regardless how far she might be going. These are all proofs of love. They all drew a smile on my face when I thought the whole world is against me. They have gave me the confidence others deprived me from. The all reached a hand when they thought I might be falling. They proved love without letting me even wonder. They didn’t say a word. They said it all when they said nothing at all.
They have done this all without expecting a return. They did it for love.
So next time you say you love me, think twice. I need no words. Love is something best said when no words are spoken.
P.S.
Thanks my friends for always proving that I was right when I said, love resides elsewhere.
April 06, 2008
An Egyptian scene: 1 – Sexual Harassment
Recently, my HH started being annoying in a different way. He has started to be worried about me because I go out alone a lot. He started to be pushy and always offering me a ride whenever he learns that I am alone on the street. He started telling me stories about girls who got raped. I didn’t pay attention neither to his stories nor to his worries. I have always doubted that these stories might be his fantasies. And his worries might be just another way to get a step closer to me. I didn’t pay attention because I believed it might be bad on the street but yet it is still safe.
As a girl in the Egyptian community my history with sexual harassment started as early as I started growing breasts. And as a girl in the Egyptian community my mother taught me to never listen to those dirty comments “bad people” will say. My mother told me whatever happens, keep on walking. It mostly worked fine with me. Even in the few times when I felt really scared I have always found someone appearing from nowhere as a guarding angel. I still remember that day when I was in my way back from school and a group of boys started forming a circle around me and from the blue a giant officer appeared, walked beside me as if he was my own bodyguard and when the boys where gone he was gone too.
As I grew older harassments started to get harsher. Instead of calling me beauty, some guys started calling me sexy. And from sexy they took it to sex. I know this might be shocking but Egyptian men don’t stop at the point of calling a woman a beauty or even sexy. They don’t stop at the point of complementing her body, or even describing that body in a dirty way. Our dear Egyptian sex-maniacs had taken this a step further and they actually say dirty things in a dirty way in public. (I can’t have proper words to describe such kinds of harassments but imagine a guy who is looking straight into your eyes and telling you how he would like to “DO” you)
I kept my mother’s advice and I kept ignoring. I even elaborated on this trick and I started walking in zigzags to avoid walking on the same side with men. I covered up and I actually walk like the Nazi army. I have a restrict policy about using public transportation “I DON’T USE IT”. And when I felt the circle is tightening and nothing really is working I stopped going out.
But as I said before, as an Egyptian female in the Egyptian community I knew the picture was bad but I still believed it was safe as those sex-maniacs never crossed the bad mouthing point. I admit that there were a couple of tries to touch but a couple of tries to touch out of thousands of dirty talks is a percentage that can be neglected.
Today my whole view about that Egyptian scene has changed. Today was just another day when I couldn’t find an excuse to keep at home and I had to go bring some stuff with my cousin. We did and we decided to walk for a while.(as far as I can remember it is not against constitution to go for a walk!) It was nice, only few harmless comments which Egyptian girls are well trained to ignore. Then something different happened. A guy who is 40-50 years old started following us. He started off the same way his siblings do. At first it was only words, dirty words that started getting dirtier. Then he started addressing me and asking me to do him things. So, I told my cousin to hurry up as I spotted a couple walking ahead of us and for me they were the safe shore. But when we started walking faster, he started walking faster. And I almost felt his dirty breath on my back. My cousin turned yellow and she started holding onto my hands. And she was a minute away of having a panic attack. At this very point I decided it was time to feed the beast inside me. I asked my cousin to stay where she is and I turned to face that guy. I yelled at him. He first stared at me with astonishment and trying to keep saying his dirty words asking me to do him dirty things so I took one step forward yelling at him. He ran and I started chasing him. He ran like a rat with his little tail. He stopped middle way re-thinking his position and I made myself clear by taking one more step forward and yelling one more time. And that was when he disappeared.
I got back to my scared cousin who was still in shock, not only because of what that man did but because of how I reacted. I told her that in such situations a girl should never get scared. Whenever in a similar situation always know that he is scared more than you are. He is just a thief who is trying to steal something. Treat him like a barking dog because he is one. And always keep on your way.
I knew the picture wasn’t that bad when I saw a car that stopped by and the driver kept an eye to check if we managed. I knew that the scene might have hope in the couple who were walking ahead of us. I would have felt safe if that car driver got off his car and acted the same way my giant officer guarding angel acted. But seems that back then I had a guarding angel because I was young and now I am old enough to guard myself.
I am fine, if any of you wondered. But I just can’t stop thinking about Egypt. I just can’t stop thinking about the future. We are really moving from worse to worst. This time I had the courage to yell and it was only one bad guy. What if there were two of them. What if it was a group? What were going to be my chances of winning?
There are multiple laws against sexual harassment in Egypt. But none is really effective because the sanctions are really lame. And the process of proving the harassment is almost impossible and humiliating. Not to mention that the woman might be exposed to other harassments from the law enforcers (yeah, bad people are everywhere).
I have been thinking of writing about my dreams for Egypt. I have always joked that I wanted to rule Egypt for three months and I can change Egypt completely if I ruled for a year. And I don’t think this is impossible. Because we can change Egypt if we put law into action, if we changed the laws and enforced them on every Egyptian without exception we will have a better Egypt. We can have Egypt free of sexual harassment if we put a law to punish whomever who sexually harass a woman by cutting off his penis. (Yes you have read it right)
My other cousin told me a nice story about the Ukrainians (ex soviets, God bless the old red giant). She was there on a business trip and she noticed that everyone pays the bus ticket promptly without a faire collector and as this is not the case back home she joked that if this was ever the case in Egypt the bus company would have went bankrupt because none was ever to pay. They replied, that they were used to do this since the WWII. As back then when all the men went to war, having someone to collect tickets in a bus was a luxury that the government couldn’t afford. So the rule was set, that whoever got into the bus pays. And if anyone to be caught without a ticket he will be punished. My cousin laughed and said and what’s new. He will simply pay the fine. They laughed and replied, no the punishment wasn’t a fine the punishment was a bullet.
I personally don’t believe that Egyptians will ever change by paying huge fines. Egypt won’t change if we placed people behind bars. We can only change Egypt if we punished those who break the rules by extreme punishments. Punishments that take place in public television to make sure everyone knows it is for real. If the word got spread on the street that whoever gets his penis out rubbing it asking a girl to fix him and sallow will be punished by cutting off this very little piece of meat, I am sure men will think twice.
If you really want to save Egypt, go to the extreme.
That was Shimaa Gamal reporting about one of the Egyptian scenes.
Over and Out
P.S.
I feel disgusted
As a girl in the Egyptian community my history with sexual harassment started as early as I started growing breasts. And as a girl in the Egyptian community my mother taught me to never listen to those dirty comments “bad people” will say. My mother told me whatever happens, keep on walking. It mostly worked fine with me. Even in the few times when I felt really scared I have always found someone appearing from nowhere as a guarding angel. I still remember that day when I was in my way back from school and a group of boys started forming a circle around me and from the blue a giant officer appeared, walked beside me as if he was my own bodyguard and when the boys where gone he was gone too.
As I grew older harassments started to get harsher. Instead of calling me beauty, some guys started calling me sexy. And from sexy they took it to sex. I know this might be shocking but Egyptian men don’t stop at the point of calling a woman a beauty or even sexy. They don’t stop at the point of complementing her body, or even describing that body in a dirty way. Our dear Egyptian sex-maniacs had taken this a step further and they actually say dirty things in a dirty way in public. (I can’t have proper words to describe such kinds of harassments but imagine a guy who is looking straight into your eyes and telling you how he would like to “DO” you)
I kept my mother’s advice and I kept ignoring. I even elaborated on this trick and I started walking in zigzags to avoid walking on the same side with men. I covered up and I actually walk like the Nazi army. I have a restrict policy about using public transportation “I DON’T USE IT”. And when I felt the circle is tightening and nothing really is working I stopped going out.
But as I said before, as an Egyptian female in the Egyptian community I knew the picture was bad but I still believed it was safe as those sex-maniacs never crossed the bad mouthing point. I admit that there were a couple of tries to touch but a couple of tries to touch out of thousands of dirty talks is a percentage that can be neglected.
Today my whole view about that Egyptian scene has changed. Today was just another day when I couldn’t find an excuse to keep at home and I had to go bring some stuff with my cousin. We did and we decided to walk for a while.(as far as I can remember it is not against constitution to go for a walk!) It was nice, only few harmless comments which Egyptian girls are well trained to ignore. Then something different happened. A guy who is 40-50 years old started following us. He started off the same way his siblings do. At first it was only words, dirty words that started getting dirtier. Then he started addressing me and asking me to do him things. So, I told my cousin to hurry up as I spotted a couple walking ahead of us and for me they were the safe shore. But when we started walking faster, he started walking faster. And I almost felt his dirty breath on my back. My cousin turned yellow and she started holding onto my hands. And she was a minute away of having a panic attack. At this very point I decided it was time to feed the beast inside me. I asked my cousin to stay where she is and I turned to face that guy. I yelled at him. He first stared at me with astonishment and trying to keep saying his dirty words asking me to do him dirty things so I took one step forward yelling at him. He ran and I started chasing him. He ran like a rat with his little tail. He stopped middle way re-thinking his position and I made myself clear by taking one more step forward and yelling one more time. And that was when he disappeared.
I got back to my scared cousin who was still in shock, not only because of what that man did but because of how I reacted. I told her that in such situations a girl should never get scared. Whenever in a similar situation always know that he is scared more than you are. He is just a thief who is trying to steal something. Treat him like a barking dog because he is one. And always keep on your way.
I knew the picture wasn’t that bad when I saw a car that stopped by and the driver kept an eye to check if we managed. I knew that the scene might have hope in the couple who were walking ahead of us. I would have felt safe if that car driver got off his car and acted the same way my giant officer guarding angel acted. But seems that back then I had a guarding angel because I was young and now I am old enough to guard myself.
I am fine, if any of you wondered. But I just can’t stop thinking about Egypt. I just can’t stop thinking about the future. We are really moving from worse to worst. This time I had the courage to yell and it was only one bad guy. What if there were two of them. What if it was a group? What were going to be my chances of winning?
There are multiple laws against sexual harassment in Egypt. But none is really effective because the sanctions are really lame. And the process of proving the harassment is almost impossible and humiliating. Not to mention that the woman might be exposed to other harassments from the law enforcers (yeah, bad people are everywhere).
I have been thinking of writing about my dreams for Egypt. I have always joked that I wanted to rule Egypt for three months and I can change Egypt completely if I ruled for a year. And I don’t think this is impossible. Because we can change Egypt if we put law into action, if we changed the laws and enforced them on every Egyptian without exception we will have a better Egypt. We can have Egypt free of sexual harassment if we put a law to punish whomever who sexually harass a woman by cutting off his penis. (Yes you have read it right)
My other cousin told me a nice story about the Ukrainians (ex soviets, God bless the old red giant). She was there on a business trip and she noticed that everyone pays the bus ticket promptly without a faire collector and as this is not the case back home she joked that if this was ever the case in Egypt the bus company would have went bankrupt because none was ever to pay. They replied, that they were used to do this since the WWII. As back then when all the men went to war, having someone to collect tickets in a bus was a luxury that the government couldn’t afford. So the rule was set, that whoever got into the bus pays. And if anyone to be caught without a ticket he will be punished. My cousin laughed and said and what’s new. He will simply pay the fine. They laughed and replied, no the punishment wasn’t a fine the punishment was a bullet.
I personally don’t believe that Egyptians will ever change by paying huge fines. Egypt won’t change if we placed people behind bars. We can only change Egypt if we punished those who break the rules by extreme punishments. Punishments that take place in public television to make sure everyone knows it is for real. If the word got spread on the street that whoever gets his penis out rubbing it asking a girl to fix him and sallow will be punished by cutting off this very little piece of meat, I am sure men will think twice.
If you really want to save Egypt, go to the extreme.
That was Shimaa Gamal reporting about one of the Egyptian scenes.
Over and Out
P.S.
I feel disgusted
April 04, 2008
For Those Who Don’t Care
Being the other woman was never an easy job. To be the other woman, a woman should posses a high degree of self confidence. To be the other woman, a woman should always have a strong belief in her man. She has always to be confident that no other woman could take her man off her. She has always to be confident that he has chosen her over the world and preferred her even when he was supposed to be taken. She has always to believe in him. She has always to believe that he is always true to her. And whatever he gives of reasons to justify putting her in the shades is real. To be the other woman, a woman should always be completely independent. Only an independent woman can live with the fact that the man she depends on isn’t really there for her when she needs him. Only an independent woman can keep a man satisfied by being needed and never ask that man to fulfill his promises. To be the other woman, a woman should always be courageous. A woman should always be ready to face the blames of friends, family, strangers and eventually her man. To be the other woman, a woman should be creative. A woman should always find a way to warm up her bed in the cold nights because her man is busy warming up someone else’s. A woman should always find a way to speak up her mind when there is no one to listen. A woman should always find a way to know how to wait without feeling abandoned.
To be the other, a woman should always be kind. A woman will be happy for her man’s happiness. A woman will be happy seeing her man’s children growing up. A woman should posses enough kindness to love these children as her own.
To be the other woman, a woman should always be tolerant. As being the other woman, hurt and loneliness will always be her only friends.
It was never easy to be the other woman. It was never easy to live with the fact that someone who says he loves you have chosen someone over you. It was never easy to live every day as a new day. It was never easy to go to bed wondering if he will ever call in the morning. It was never easy to be scared and he is the last to be put on the speed dial. It was never easy to know that hope was never an option. It was never easy to stay in the time you know he has already left.
April 03, 2008
April 02, 2008
To Warm Things Up
I have been trying to write something but I found out that it would be better if I warmed things up first with some quotes I liked
Enjoy
• [A] husband who can cook is not at all the same thing as a husband who can shop, prepare, and assemble ingredients, and clean up the mess after the great burst of creativity." Mary-Jo Fitzgerald, Marriage and the male animal
• Now non-Indian people think they know all about arranged marriages. 'So I hear that when you're born, the first thing your parents do is chose a nice girl for you to marry when you're old enough.' 'No, No! It doesn't work like that. Arranged marriages are more like going to a car show. Your dad lets you look at, and compare all the cars. 'Oh that one is nice. You would like that one, you like it? Ya, you are going to get that one.' - 'Don't I get to test drive it?' - 'No, not now, wait until you are married, then you can test drive it all you want. Russell Peters
• There's nothing a woman hates more than her fiancé’s best friend. He knows all the secrets she's going to spend the rest of her life trying to find out. Jeff Douglas line in the musical Brigadoon
• He's a wonderful first husband. ~ James Goldsmith, on his daughter Jemima's marriage to Imran Khan
• I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage. ~ Mohandas Gandhi
• Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings...and lawyers. ~ Richard Pryor
• Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, March, 1941
• On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. ~ Emma Goldman
• The concept of marriage must have been thought up by an unimaginative pig. ~ Albert Einstein
• There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. ~ Clint Eastwood
• Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: Ye who enter here leave all hope behind. ~ Emma Goldman
• You only know what happiness is once you're married. But then it's too late. ~ Peter Sellers
• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - Oscar Wilde
• The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde
• No one can consider themselves truly married until they understand every word their spouse is not saying. - Lord Mancroft
• A man is incomplete until he marries - then he is finished. - Unknown
• You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without. – Unknown
• Never marry someone whom you wouldn't want to be divorced from. – Unknown
• Marriage is like falling into a black hole, you only want to do it with someone that you can take a long ride with. - Unknown
Enjoy
• [A] husband who can cook is not at all the same thing as a husband who can shop, prepare, and assemble ingredients, and clean up the mess after the great burst of creativity." Mary-Jo Fitzgerald, Marriage and the male animal
• Now non-Indian people think they know all about arranged marriages. 'So I hear that when you're born, the first thing your parents do is chose a nice girl for you to marry when you're old enough.' 'No, No! It doesn't work like that. Arranged marriages are more like going to a car show. Your dad lets you look at, and compare all the cars. 'Oh that one is nice. You would like that one, you like it? Ya, you are going to get that one.' - 'Don't I get to test drive it?' - 'No, not now, wait until you are married, then you can test drive it all you want. Russell Peters
• There's nothing a woman hates more than her fiancé’s best friend. He knows all the secrets she's going to spend the rest of her life trying to find out. Jeff Douglas line in the musical Brigadoon
• He's a wonderful first husband. ~ James Goldsmith, on his daughter Jemima's marriage to Imran Khan
• I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage. ~ Mohandas Gandhi
• Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings...and lawyers. ~ Richard Pryor
• Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien, Letter to Michael Tolkien, March, 1941
• On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. ~ Emma Goldman
• The concept of marriage must have been thought up by an unimaginative pig. ~ Albert Einstein
• There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. ~ Clint Eastwood
• Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: Ye who enter here leave all hope behind. ~ Emma Goldman
• You only know what happiness is once you're married. But then it's too late. ~ Peter Sellers
• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - Oscar Wilde
• The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde
• No one can consider themselves truly married until they understand every word their spouse is not saying. - Lord Mancroft
• A man is incomplete until he marries - then he is finished. - Unknown
• You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without. – Unknown
• Never marry someone whom you wouldn't want to be divorced from. – Unknown
• Marriage is like falling into a black hole, you only want to do it with someone that you can take a long ride with. - Unknown
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