4 years and counting

It's been 4 years since I posted my very first Hello World here.

Hello again :)

Nice to meet you world :)

Dear (Insert a long list here)

Because sometimes you are completely out of words and a gesture is worth a thousand of them ...

A Perfect Triangle

He is my soul-mate

I am not his ... She is!

X & Y – An Unlikely Scenario

X (Narrating) : It was a completely out of character move for both of us. It just happened. As wrong as it might sound but I think it was supposed to happen long time ago.

Yes, we are together now and, again, as wrong as this might sound. It is the best-est thing I, we, did in a while.

Y (Narrating): I watch him sleep. We sure make love and everything. We watch television, we discuss books and he handles my pillow thoughts first hand. But the best part is when he fall asleep right beside me and I just watch him sleep.

Yes, we are together now. It just happened. And as wrong as it might sound it is just the best-est thing I, he, did in a life-time.

Who cares about tomorrow, we are living in the now. I watch him sleep and this is all what matters.

Thursday Thoughts: People are like Shoes!

This is part of Jessy’s brilliant initiative for sharing random thoughts on Thursday. She is hostinga blog link party each Thursday on her blog. Keep the thoughts going!

Here is the thought, people are just like shoes. Some of them are pretty and you love them instantly but will torture you every time you wear them. Some of them are comfy but don’t always look good. Some of them are just ok. You wear them as you need them. And only one every once in a while prove to be the perfect pair. It looks good, feels good and goes with almost everything you wear.

Find that pair!

Thursday's Thought - The Future of Computers

This post is part of Jessy's Blog Link Party. Spread the word, spread the thoughts.

Remember the movie 2010? Growing up it was one of the sci-fi movies promising lots of technological miracles in the 21^st century. I still remember that talking computer Hal, and how it knew who is using it and was able of carrying rational conversation. This doesn’t surprise me now. Computers can talk, and can tell who is using them by lots of means now. What surprises me that the 21^st century is here and we don’t have human like robots with emotions as depicted in many sci-fi prophecies. Instead of having the slave robots, we got a telecommunications revolution. Maybe we didn’t get the holograms that make us almost touch our loved ones who live on other planets. But we can video chat with our loved ones across the ocean. We can cut time and distance and enjoy things our parents didn’t dare to dream of doing when they were our age.

But it always makes me wonder, what’s next? Telecommunications made the “where” almost irrelevant. Maybe now it is time to beat the “when”. We overcame distance and location but we still have the problem of time. If the next step managed to overcome time, this is will be a huge leap for humanity. I can’t even imagine how life would be if time was a factor that you can beat.

I can’t wait till the ease of human interactions on the internet finds its way to real life. Imagine being able to search your memory with a human google application or to socially interact with people as easy as you do on facebook.

Forget about robots, what do you think will be the next life changing technological revolution?

What If?

So what if you let someone to cool down and come back and they never did?

What if they cooled down but still never came back?

How long can personal history last in such a battle?Is it how long that matters or how deep?

What if they came back to nothing?

What if there was magic in the world?

What if you realized you owe your life to someone, would you leave? Perhaps thank 'em for it?

What if they saved you without intending, or even noticing? Will you stay?

What if there wasn’t magic in the world and there was nothing to come back to, will you ever cool down?

What if I am not who I am, and you are not who you are, were we going to even meet? What if we are not when we are now, would you tell me what I have been telling you all those years?

What if you can?! ... Will you ever do?

What if?

Thursday Thoughts Party

One more time Jessy comes with a brilliant idea, it is the Thursday Thoughts and she is having a blog link party every Thursday and all bloggers are invited.

So, let's have fun thinking :)

Here is the invitation:

I am having a Blog Link Party every Thursday. You can write anything you like and link up. Here's an example of last week's post http://www.chocolatemintsinajar.com/blog/2010/10/thursdays-thought-join-in-with-your-thoughts/ . I usually have these ideas that would never make sense as a post but are quirky and interesting on their own and I feel like sharing anyways.

The idea is that there are some awesome blogs out there but it is not always easy to find them.

I'd love it if you could join me every Thursday. You don't have to post on Thursday but the link tool will be up on Thursday on my blog.

If you have any comments or ideas or input let me know.

If you know other blogs that are awesome as well feel free to invite them too.

Best Regards,

Jessyz

The Inevitable

After a certain age, people will start talking you into the virtue of friendships over relationships. After a certain set of experiences you know that losing a friend is always harder than losing a lover maybe because we grow up knowing that love, in most times, don’t last. But friendships are supposed to be for life.

Friends are those who take you the way you are, mostly because you do the same. It is mutual, once one of the parties fall out of it, it just fades. You will try as hard as the other would have tried to keep you. You never get to the point of selflessness to keep a friend, because after all a real friend won’t let you do it. A real friend will always meet you midway.

So we keep our friends as friends and look for relationships outside, because supposedly friendships are meant to last and it is always a bad idea to look for a relationship among your friends. Because this will mean you will lose the friend when you lose the lover.

You play it safe. And it will work. And it will last. But it will only last till a relationship is on the horizon and you won’t have a place in your friend’s life. And after being on the top of priorities, you start becoming in the tail of them. And one day you will wake up as a person he/ she used to know.

Regardless the reasons, which by the way will always be strong and valid, you will eventually lose the friend.

The worst about it will always be that you are the only one who will feel the pain of loss. Unlike breaking up with a lover which in most cases is painful for the two sides regardless how right the decision is. A friend leaving you behind for a relationship is never painful for him/ her.

You won’t even be missed.

So don’t play it safe. Lose the friend for love or whatever risk when you feel like it, because you are losing him/ her anyway.

Update your Feeds

Hello

So, I have been playing around and I think I changed the feed URL

So, kindly update your RSS feed readers with the new link

http://feeds.feedburner.com/shimaagamal

I am also thinking of a blog new look :)

Let's see where boredom will take me :)

To Whom it may Concern!

Let's assume that the long sincere talks, the intimate coffees and the full of fun dinners are of substance enough to make this a relationship and take it from there!

X and Y - One more time

My Dearest X

So here is the thing. The problem was never that things were in my head. The problem was never that I have always been right.

The problem is I have always known I am right, and just hoped it was in my head.

That's why I kept turning a blind eye and accepting lame excuses.

It was never that I might be wrong ...

I am almost never wrong ...

I just wanted "you" to be right ...

And you know you never were ... and you never will be!

Your's Truly,

Y

Completely Personal and Utterly Nonsense

A couple of months ago, I had a very nice conversation with my favorite ex of all time “HH”. About the things I’d rather be doing at that given point of time.

Well, before telling you about the details of that conversation I should first tell you about my year. This year I turned 31. And for the 1^st time in those 31 years I can proudly say that I have completely wasted a year. And it is not related to how I was designed to only see imperfections. I really wasted this year. I can’t remember I learned a new thing, I can’t remember that I have done something that I wanted. If there is one achievement in this whole year it will be that I kept breathing. I held on to life. I didn’t listen to the voices telling me that it isn’t really worth it. I survived nights of heavy breathing and I had faith to wake up in the time all what I really wanted is eternal sleeping.

The thing with being in that place when holding on to life is the biggest of all achievements is that people can’t understand you. No one would see how breathing, as simple as it sounds, could be a real challenge. They will start getting their magical solutions out of the clichés closet. Go out, get a new job, have a new hobby, shopping and the rest of the long list of what people believe are mood fixers.

But the thing is, it is not a mood. It is somewhere deep. Let me try to explain. I had a bad year; well I am having a bad year. And that was preceded by many bad years. A bad year was never a problem; a bad life is what every human should expect. No one said life is a piece of cake. Life is a tough journey up a very steep hill. But we keep going up for a reason. Every now and then we get things that motivate us to keep on the journey we discovered was lame when it was too late to go back.

But sometimes, for some people, and in this very case me. You get trapped in a place where there are no ways either up or down the hill. You can always try paving a new road, but you will eventually get to understand that regardless how hard you try and how successful you will get, the road you will pave won’t get you longer than two steps ahead. Then you will get back to the trap of nowhere to go. And in many cases after paving the road and walking the two steps you earned you find that they actually led you to where you started and the effort was actually a complete waste of time and energy. And that you will have to try again, and re-trust your now so un-trustable instincts and resources to pave a new road and risk ending up at the very same place again.

For some, this is the joy of life. Actually, even if there is no joy in it, it is how life goes. We don’t get to choose. But it is just exhausting and shopping, eating, new jobs and whatever the people tell you to do to get out of that corner won’t work. At a point all these fix tricks will be a burden too. People themselves will be a burden because you will have to wear a content face while they are around because without that face you will get the lectures, and sometimes the sympathy which both aren’t what you need. What you really need is your two steps up the hill. The two steps you deserve after working your best. Regardless that some people will keep telling you that you should try harder and whatever you are doing isn’t good enough because others are doing more. And because others are doing more and your best is never enough you end up in that place, trapped midway with no sign of direction. And there holding on to life is the best you can do. The greatest of all achievements after realizing that even holding onto life is a waste of energy and time.

So, I was talking with my favorite ex about my bad year. I didn’t tell him exactly that I am barely holding onto life and taking it one day at a time. But I told him that I want a little miracle to move me my two steps up the hill with no strings attached. And I told him about the things I’d rather be doing now. I’d rather be able to drive my car instead of my irrational fear of driving. I’d rather be dating a handsome man, someone who isn’t fat, bald and is sure intellectually interesting. I’d rather be in a relationship with a man who genuinely loves me instead of those who marginally loved me along other things.

I’d rather be entertained than being entertaining. I’d rather get back to finish my master’s degree and even I’d rather please my dad and get back to work.

But the question is will any of these make me happy. The real question should be, am I unhappy?

The answer is simple, regardless how unhappy my words are. I am a happy person. I am flexible enough to get satisfaction from little things. Let it be a smile from a stranger or a complement from an old friend. Little things make me happy. And because of the abundance of those little things I am a really happy person. And doing the things that I’d rather be doing won’t make me any happier. On the contrary many of them come with either guilt built-in or unbearable level of stress and complications. I am better off and happier without all the things I said I’d rather be doing.

Actually the reason behind thinking of these things I’d rather be doing was that I met someone new. He is completely different, maybe representing every opposite thing I stand for. Yet, we got along. One of the main reasons we got along easily is that our differences will never actually meet. The beauty of virtual relations is that everything is in hypothesis and for people who think arguments is a hobby hypothesis is really all what you need.

So my new virtual friend, and because he is completely not me, got me thinking about lots of things. One of these things was am I impressive? Actually it wasn’t completely him; it was a sequence of events that made me wonder whether or not I am impressive.

Let me confess something, I am not really a typical girl. I know that I look like millions of girls and I am sure millions might be smarter than me. But I am not typical. Things go in different paths in my mind and I know it. I just don’t confess it because people will think that I am either arrogant or stupid. But I believe that I am sort of untypical.

And being untypical should make me interesting. And interesting could easily lead to impressive. But I don’t seem to impress anyone. I don’t seem to be showing how untypical I am, and even the worse is that you might get the chance to deal 1^st hand with how untypical my mind can get and still that won’t interest you or in the least impress you.

I am sure that psychology has a term to describe a person who is self-centered and with huge ego issues. And that term will fit me best. But this is the way I am.

So back to being impressive, the things I told my ex that I’d rather be doing were the things I believe will make people see me more interesting. The fact that I don’t drive though having a car makes people see me as a coward, lazy and incapable person. Maybe if I was driving like everyone else I would have been more interesting.

Dating the intellectually interesting, un-fat, un-bald guy will make me more interesting too. And will make me impressive for many people. Actually getting a chance to date that guy means I am already interesting and impressive.

Work seems to be a huge issue for everyone. It is not important how I think, or what I believe. For people it is more important if I work for a multinational, international with whatever catchy name organization. Nothing else matters.

So according to the list of things I said I’d rather be doing to be interesting means I should be driving a nice car, I should have a job with a catchy name and I should be coupled up with someone who people will think is interesting and impressive too.

And then will come the question, does this make me impressive?

And the more important question why the Shimaa who is writing this isn’t interesting and impressive?

Why I should be doing things that I don’t really want to do, to get to people who won’t see whatever I am already doing?!

And then here we are back on the favorite square zero, all things said and all things done. My best is never enough, and I would have tried harder yet my hardest is never hard enough. I put myself out there knowing that there is no guarantee to have my two steps up the hill. But I try. And I proudly fail. And there is no shame in failure. And that’s why I try again and again but never with the same enthusiasm because a part of me is always lost in each trial.

There should be more to life than failing. There should be more to life than trying and falling back where you started. There should be magic. There should be rewards more than a stranger’s smile and a hidden complement. There should be more. Because if there isn’t more, I don’t know how long I can keep holding onto life. If there isn’t magic, it isn’t really worth living.

Quote of the Day

I trusted you, loved you, and you betrayed me ...

Confessions - 6

I can get over bad memories ... It is good memories that hurt me the most!

Burn the Quran Day - Correction

I got a comment correcting the Sarah Palin twitter account. So this Sarrah Palin in the previous post isn't the one hoping to run for US presidency.

The real Sarah Palin could be found here

http://twitter.com/sarahpalinusa

and here latest tweet was Koran Burning Is Insensitive, Unnecessary; Pastor Jones, Please Stand Down

My apologies for reacting on the spur of the moment without double checking the real Sarah Palin account

Burn the Quran Day

I got a comment correcting the Sarah Palin twitter account. So this Sarrah Palin in the post isn't the one hoping to run for US presidency.

The real Sarah Palin could be found here

http://twitter.com/sarahpalinusa

and here latest tweet was Koran Burning Is Insensitive, Unnecessary; Pastor Jones, Please Stand Down

My apologies for mixing the persons, yet it is still a big mistake to try to provoke the so emotional Muslim population with such actions.

The post is still true for those representing the ideology in that tweet.

=====================================

So, it is all over the news. Some lunatic decided to become a celebrity by attacking Islam!

Apparently it is the thing to do these days. If you want to make it to the headlines attack Islam.

What's really more provoking is what the Sarrah Palin just tweeted

@SarrahPalinU5A I don't really understand how we are going to send a message to Al-Qaeda by burning a Korean this weekend, but I'm still totally on board!

Not only that she is stupid enough to think that burning the holy book of all Muslims will send some sort of a message to Al-Qaeda. And not only that she is stupid enough to believe that Muslims will feel ok about burning their holy book and that won't provoke them to support Al-Qaeda and any similar movements who would use violence to stop Mrs Palin and her alikes from insulting our beliefs.

But she can't even form a sentence, she is going to burn a Korean! to send a message to Al-Qaeda!

And she is stupid enough to admit is she aboard anyway ...

Isn't she and all what she represents beautiful?! *insert swear word here*

But when the US interests start burning down I don't want the Americans to blame Muslims. They should blame Palin. Because she was smart enough to be aboard the one thing that will make every Muslim angry anyway.

I didn't imagine the world could tolerate such amount of stupidity and ignorance ... well in a second thought it tolerated Bush II but I never thought there is someone who could beat him!

Confessions - 5

It is not what you do that breaks my heart. It is what you don't do.

Random Thoughts - II

Because it is one of the reasons why I am too lazy to blog here is a collection of my answer to the infamous Facebook question “what’s on your mind?”

· Emptiness is potential. An empty glass is better than the full in the sense you can fill it with whatever you want or even keep it empty. Emptiness represents unlimited choices, in the time full is really as good as it gets!

· Here is the thing; the problem was never the bread. The problem has always been the cheese. And I really can't tell how this would put things in perspective but I certainly believe it does.

· Hope, people, is the second worst thing on your heart. It comes next to smoking and right before French Fries. It will eventually kill you but it doesn't come with a warning.

· Life is worse than our worst nightmares! People will tell you that the best is yet to come, reality check it isn't really the best that will come you just become denser and the things you thought are bad won't feel the same. If a thicker skin is considered a good thing, it is the only best you will get!

· There is always two ways to look at a thing. Like when you lose something you love. You can be bitter for losing it or just be grateful for having it in the first place. Life is a loan and so is everything in it. So, it is not really a loss, it is merely a repayment.

· أخطر الجهل ، جهل العالم

· Our most precious things in life come at no cost not because they are cheap but because they are simply "Priceless"

· Shimaa Gamal is a gold fish in a shark tank

· Always, always be ahead of things. Celebrate as early as you remember and apologize as soon as you do the mistake. Life is too short to wait for the right time ... And if you are still waiting for the right time, congratulations you have wasted your life

· If there is one thing to tell you before I die it will be eat your salad. It is more important than your steak. It might be dull, not your favorite but it is what you really need. Eat your salad!

· Shimaa Gamal is so sad to declare that everyone is a Hitler in disguise. We all are waiting for a chance!

· In the spirits of mother's day I'd like to tell all the parents out there to not be afraid of messing up their children. Always remember that you are the person you are because your parents messed up with you in a way. And there are no strict proof that there is a relation between parents' mistakes and the number of rapists and serial killers out there. Even creating a new Jack the ripper might be an accomplishment!

· Life is too short to be wasted eating flavorless ice-cream!

· تبدأ المشكلة ، فى معظم الأحيان ، حين يكون الكلام للجارة و تكون البعيدة بالفعل حمارة . و كما قيل لكل داء دواء يستطب به إلا الحماقة أعيت من يداويها

· A little bit of butter makes your life better!

· Shimaa Gamal would like to think of herself as a natural long distance runner who wins her race(s) by a trademark last minute sprint!

· كل واحد فى مصر بيطلع زى أبوه ، إبن الدكتور بيطلع دكتور ، إبن المهندس بيطلع مهندس و إبن المحامى يطلع محامى و من البديهى إن إبن الريس يطلع ريس مدام جاب مجموع . و أنا من موقعى هذا بقول إن المشكلة فى مكتب التنسيق و قواعد القبول بالكلية الجوية . الإمتحان لازم يجيى فى مستوى الطالب الناصح و بلاش يحبكّوا قوى على الطياريين علشان إبن الطيار يطلع طيار و نخلص من الفيلم الهندى اللى عايشينه ده

· اللعنة على الإير تايم

· Men are like accessories, they are not essential for the "look" but they can make it or break it. So you either do it right or forget about the whole thing!

· Regardless how eye catching the scenery of the valley is, the shining signs promising a better end up the hill would tempt everyone to move. The temptation is so big that most people skip the disclaimer written on each sign in really small letters warning that there is no way back. You can always jump off the hill but you can never turn back!

· Here is the thing, things aren't becoming oddly dull. They are bright as they have always been. It is just that I am realizing that things don't shine by nature, they barely reflect my enthusiasm. And that's one thing that I can't afford anymore.

· The more white you wear under your white shirt the more transparent it will be. I don't know how this is supposed to put things in perspective but beige is called nude for a reason it is your only way out of a not so appealing see through look! So whenever in doubt, go beige!

· العمى عمى القلوب و الضلمة ضلمة عقول و الإحساس نعمة لا يستحقها لا دول و لا دول

Confessions – 4

Sometimes I don’t like what I see in the mirror. But it is what I like what makes me really depressed!

More of Me - Bold if true Tag

I stole this from ze2red if you liked it consider yourself tagged.

I don't know if this will reveal more about me, but at least it is a sort of reminder :) Just in case my long pauses made you forget who I am ;)

I am a cuddler

I am a morning person.

I am an only child.

I am currently in my pajamas.

I am currently pregnant.

I am currently single.

I am currently suffering from a broken heart.

I am left handed.

I am married.

I am addicted to my myspace.

I am online 24/7, even as an away message.

I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.

I bite my nails.

I can be paranoid at times.

I don’t like anyone.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy jazz music.

I enjoy smoothies.

I enjoy talking on the phone.

I have a car.

I have bathed someone

I have changed a diaper

I have a screen name

I smoked cigarettes.

Got so drunk you passed out.

I wondered about your sexuality.

I used a coloring book over age 12.

I overdosed.

I have been on the Honor Roll.

I Smoked weed.

I Dealt drugs.

Done hard drugs

I have a cell phone.

I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.

I have a hidden talent

I have a lot to learn

I have a pet.

I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl

I have all my grandparents

I have at least one brother

I have been to another country

I have been told that I am smart

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor

I have or had broken a bone

I have Caller I.D. on my phone.

I have changed a diaper

I have changed a lot over the past year.

I have done something illegal.

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color (actually never saw my hair!)

I have had major/minor surgery.

I have killed another person

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have mood swings

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

I have rejected someone before.

I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I have seen the television show The O.C.

I like Shakespeare.

I like the taste of blood.

I love to cook.

I like to sing.

I love Michael Jackson

I love sleeping.

I love to play computer games.

I love to shop.

I miss someone right now.

I own 100 CDs or more

I own and use a library card

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I strongly dislike math

I watch soap operas on a regular basis.

I will try almost anything once.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would classify myself as ghetto.

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

I am currently wearing socks.

I am tired.

I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.

I have had/have a broken heart

I graduated High School.

I smoked cigarettes.

I rode every ride at an amusement park.

I collected something really stupid.

I have gone to a rock concert.

I helped someone.

I have gone fishing.

I watched four movies in one night.

I have gone long periods of time without sleep.

I lied to someone.

I have been dumped.

I failed a class.

I have taken a college level course.

I have been in a car accident.

I have been in a tornado.

I watched someone die.

I have been to a funeral.

I burned myself. (Accidentally)

I ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced.

I cried myself to sleep.

I spent over $200 in one day.

I have flown on a plane.

I cheated on someone.

I have been cheated on.

I have written a 10 page letter.

I have gone skiing.

Been sailing.

Cut yourself.

Had a best friend.

Lost someone you loved.

Shoplifted something.

Been to jail.

Had detention.

Skipped school.

Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.

Gone to a different country.

Dropped out of school.

Been in a mental hospital.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.

Had an online diary.

Fired a gun.

Gambled in a casino.

Had a yard sale.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Gone to sea world.

Attempted suicide.

Voted for Pop Idol

Written poetry.

Read more than 20 books a year.

Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you couldn’t have.

Had surgery.

Had stitches.

Taken a taxi.

Seen the Washington Monument.

Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.

Had a drug or alcohol problem.

Been in a fist fight.

Suffered any form of abuse.

Had a hamster.

Petted a wild animal.

Used a credit card.

Gone surfing in California.

Dyed your hair.

Got a tattoo.

Had something pierced.

Got straight A’s.

Your parents sent you to a shrink.

Been handcuffed.

Known someone with HIV or AIDS.

Taken pictures with a webcam.

Started a fire.

Had a party while your parents weren’t home.

Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.