June 08, 2008

Reflections on An Absurd Dialogue

Me 1: Don’t you think I have gone too far in the last couple of years?

Me 2: Far into the same circle you mean?

Me 1: No, far into how I deal with life. I stopped selling myself short at least not in a way that I am aware of. An improvement I guess

Me 2: May be, but don’t you think you are selling your self short to him?

Me 1: At least I didn’t tell him, I didn’t tell anyone back then and I won’t tell anyone ever. I am keeping it inside. I plotted the perfect lie and I sticking to it.

Me 2: You know that woman at the college the other day has figured you out in one minute.

Me 1: She didn’t mean my life; she meant the stupid masters degree.

Me 2: But what she said is absolutely true. The problem was never that you can’t find a good point for your research but the problem is that you never knew the aim of having such a thing. She was right. You don’t know what you want.

Me 1: No, I know exactly what I want.

Me 2: Which is?
Me 1: The fact that I don’t share the things I want with everyone, even with you, doesn’t mean that I really don’t want anything. Even if we hypothetically admitted that I want nothing, this will be something that I want and the hypothesis will be initially false.

Me 2: Welcome Miss Philosophical nonsense. This is what I have been talking about. You never knew what you really wanted. You never knew what you really wanted from yourself and you never knew what you really wanted from them.

Me 1: C’mon, at least I knew what I wanted from HIM.

Me 2: Ah, HIM? And?

Me 1: Remember, I told him and look what happened. A MESS

Me 2: But that MESS didn’t stop you from repeating the same mistake.

Me 1: And this is exactly what I have been talking about. I didn’t tell him and this is what I call a positive change. I hid it even from myself and this is what I call an improvement.

Me 2: Frankly, do you think it would ever be going to work. Assuming that you have communicated what you really had in mind and it was sound for him?

Me 1: I’ve never thought of it that way. The only thing I thought of back then was how to minimize the pain. Because I knew it will eventually come.

Me 2: You are way too ruined. You are beyond fixing girl. Yet, I really like what you said about sometimes the only way to say I love you is to say goodbye.

Me 1: Yeah, it was intended to HIM. Everyone read it, liked it but you know HIM. He never cares.

Me 2: He is too way beyond fixing. By the way your detachment technique sucks. And your quicksand analogy is true. I think it is better if you stopped fighting. Just keep holding your position and for God’s sake stop listening to Robbie Williams’ something stupid because you will eventually be as stupid as the song.

Me 1: But …

Me 2: No Buts, time to bug Sameh. Nighty Nighty


8 comments:

insomniac said...

one thing!

i have been obssessing about that song too... only the sinatra version :)

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

oh!
i hate self dialogs ... i dont remember when was the last time i had such a conversation with the ME

a week ago... maybe yesterday ... the ME... reveals what you are trying to hide ... you think you can hide anything from her ??

she knows all

"Miss Philosophical nonsense" that reminds me of :) u know ... ME ... lol

philosophy is the wall we hide behind ... to hide our weaknesses...are we that desperate to prove we are right ... even if we know deep down inside that we are wrong?

my coolest regards :) it is hot enough outside ... how is the AC and the Sinus :) have you seen yesterday's storm?

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Insomniac :)
I have noticed that we share the same taste of musis, add this to the list of commonalities ;)

P.S.
Thanks for filling in the blanks ;)

Shimaa Gamal said...

My Dear Miss Egyptiana
I really missed your comments :) It seems that your book has been taking you away. I hope everything is going good my dear.
Last night's storm almost saffocated me :(

That self dialogue was a really long one, this is just an abstract :) Actually it is a continous one :) We, me & me, often invite others to the conversations too which is so much fun :)
I hope you have a cool day too :) Seems that this summer will be the longest and the hottest in years

ana ga3an said...

Emm really wondering is it applicable to comment in English
And another thing why u r posting in English
I know it’s a personal issue but just curiosity
But really it’s very interesting to find an Egyptian blogging in foreign language
With this kind of feelings and amazing sense
best regards

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Ga3an
It is really a pleasure to see your name on my blog. I have been following your blog for sometime.
Thank you very much for your nice words I am really flattered.
The reason I blog in English is that sometimes the ideas come in English and mostly because when it comes to personal issue I like to hide behind a language barrier. I blog in Arabic too though not as much as I do in English.

I am really pleased with your visit and I hope you would come back again.

If you have time you could visit my arabic blog http://shimaa-in-arabic.blogspot.com

Best Regards

Sherif said...

Me and me is not the correct test to check what is really me ..!!

It's probably me and you .. cause you'll eventually deal with facts ..

And the fact is always that " The truth is not what you perceive .. it is what others perceive"

What I feel from "Miss Philosophical nonsense" and even the title of your corner " Thoughts of the thoughtless" is a touch of fear .. at least this is my impression ..

You're a little bit scared of the results .. your destination is always the best of it .. but yet you're not quite sure .. and here comes the problem because this best is not clearly identified .. I want to be succesful .. but I don't know whether I should choose this way .. or the other one ..

There is no one hundred percent guarantee for a perfect thing .. and hence .. it is better to decide when the difference wouldn't be so critical..

I wish you all the best .. look out of the window .. don't live inside for long .. you're smart and marvellous ..

Shimaa Gamal said...

My Dear Sherif
Calling me smart and marvelous adds tons of arrogance to my super arrogant character. I am really flattered thank you.
You are right, I am might not be a courageous character, I am not into risk and that’s what makes me a sort of hesitant.
Miss philosophical nonsense is the little thing in me that always twist the facts to suit what my laid back nature feels like doing. But the case is that I am not scared of the results, I can’t really see a worthy option. Or at least this is what Miss philosophical nonsense say.
I really want to stop living inside, but some how I can’t find a window. I thought there are plenty of windows but I don’t know why I can’t find any.
Any suggestions? :)
P.S.
I sent you and email and I am still waiting for the rest of the model.