At Least Out Loud I Won't Say It

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no

You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh

It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh

You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad

No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no

Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love

This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love

You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love

You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it

Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love

Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

RTP

So, Insomniac posted something about men's need to polygamy, the discussion got drifted to men's sex drive vs women's sex drive.
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My Day on the Couch

I woke up to a really weird mood. It is not bad. But it is not good. I woke suffering from an indifference state. I wasn’t indifferent about the world. I was indifferent about myself.

I had a strange dream that started in our old balcony and ended in Bucharest! (This might be the reason for the mood but who knows). I just didn’t feel like doing anything so I decided to surrender to the headache and the heat (almost 40 degrees in Cairo). I turned on the TV and it was movie time.

First it was Mr. Deeds, a good old romantic comedy where everything work for the best. Then Meg Ryan’s French Kiss. I knew that this mood can’t be a good one as I happily sat to watch that very same movie for the second time in less than 24 hours.
The movie is about Kate who was happily coupled with Charlie. Who had to leave to Paris in business but Kate who was too scared to get into a plane (another girl losing a man to a phobia) couldn’t go with him. So in Pairs, Charlie falls for a French Goddess called Juliet who didn’t lack the confidence and had a better taste of fashion. After breaking up with Kate over phone, she got over her phobia (sigh, there are others who are as slow as me) got into a plane, crossed the Atlantic with one aim “get Charlie back”.
The plot puts a French thief in Kate’s way. She was in a place where everything might happen and that guy made sure it did. In Kate’s words, the moment she laid foot on that plane everything she spent all her adult life trying not to happen occurred. She was lost in a foreign country, she lost her passport, her money, along with her two nationalities and she was searching for a man who dumped her. But though everything seemed too bad, it wasn’t really that bad as she learnt that there is no country that can be safe, no company that can be granted and shit does happen. All we can do it to get prepared.

It wasn’t my first time to watch the movie but last night, just before I got tucked to Bucharest with a little child, the only thing that got my attention of the movie was a line by Juliet (the cutie with the little dress and little phobias) in reply to Kate’s accusations of stealing Charlie’s heart the cutie said that she didn’t steal anything that didn’t want to be stolen (ouch!)
{Note to Brad, see ;) someone is applying the same logic}

Today, as I laid back enjoying the re-run this line wasn’t the only thing to grab my attention, it was something Kate did (and no it isn’t related to how to get over a phobia). In the middle of her quest, she called back home. She was crying and telling her mother that she is going to get him back and she is going to make him love her and she will do her best to make him happy.
I guess that this line did what the coffee failed to do this morning, it rang too many bells and I was finally awake. I was like “God, I am not the only stupid in that world. There is another one!”
That woman was crying her heart out for a man, who deliberately hurt her. That woman believed that getting him back is possible and is the only way to make things good again. That woman committed the sin of believing that we can MAKE people fall in love with us. That woman really wanted to make a happy man happy, for heaven’s sake he dumped her to be happy how she could make him happy by getting him back.

I guess what woke me up wasn’t the bells reminding how stupid I was, but the bells reminding me that this is how we, women, are. Sometimes we are just too blinded to see the obvious things. Our emotions push us to believe that impossible is achievable, which might be true but not with men.

On her own, she was going to fail to get him back. But she was lucky enough to have a French consultant who laid some perfect plan that put Charlie back in bed with her. (Note to self: my romance counselor should be a man). As Kate danced with Charlie that night he said that she was her but yet nothing like her. She was shinning, and he said why it wasn’t he the one who made her shine. (More bells are ringing, I am almost deaf)
Later in bed, Kate faced Charlie that 12 hours ago all what he wanted was Juliet. He said that he was too scared to marry her; she replied that he wasn’t that scared marrying Juliet. She said that the next morning she will be the same old her. She is the one who wanted the home and the family. The one who would plant some roots and watch them grow. On that bed Kate discovered that what she really wanted wasn’t the man who made her cross an ocean and cry her heart out. He was the only thing she found while being lost. (Cliché!)

It wasn’t that bad spending those hours on the couch. I learnt that I wasn’t alone. And there are other stupid people committing my very same mistakes. I proved that men really know when you are shinning because of another man’s light even before you could know it. (But they have troubles admitting it depending on the situation) And one more time, a whole movie is based on my idea that everything happens for the best.
Isn’t life beautiful! I want to live in a movie *you know the expression*

Voulez Vous Dancer Avec Moi?

Hold me close and hold me fast
The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me heaven sighs
And tho I close my eyes
I see la vie en rose

When you press me to your heart
I’m in a world apart
A world where roses bloom

And when you speak...angels sing from above
Everyday words seem...to turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me
And life will always be
La vie en rose

Just for Fun: The Secret List

In his latest posts Mohaly posed two interesting questions the first was about the reason that makes a woman accept a proposal and the second was intended for men about if a woman should propose to the someone she thinks is her ONE.
Actually, I tried to be as diplomat as I could be and answered the question intended for women, though I believe the true experience that needed to be shared was my exceptional expertise in the proposing area.
Till now, none of the male readers answered the question, but regardless how they will ever answer it, my advice is NEVER PROPOSE.
I don’t know why I remembered Ross of the famous F.R.I.E.N.D.S telling Phoebe that he enjoyed proposing. And how disastrous was the result of Phoebe trying to make up what she messed up when her boyfriend proposed by proposing back to him. So regardless what men will say, girls please keep the humiliation for the more experienced gender. They were born immunized against rejection.
As you must know by now, I am the type of person who keeps teasing about almost anything and everything. So probably I will never be serious while proposing, or at least none could ever tell if I am really serious or it is just another joke.
So here we go, I will unleash the secret list and I will confess when I was serious and when I was joking (from the highest number of proposals to the least)

Number 1 is: I bet most of you will expect a familiar name. Brad, HH, MMIB, or any of the initials I ever mentioned in my venting for the last year. But the surprise is the first on the list of proposals in my cousin. He is almost ten years younger than me. I keep teasing him about getting married and I keep telling him that we are engaged. This one is one of my genuine jokes. I was never serious and I will never be.

Number 2 is: the second is, Sameh. My good friend Sameh happens to be the second on that secret list. And as he is a dedicated reader I won’t tell if it was a joke or I ever was serious, as I am not planning to stop teasing him soon about it. *Here I am teasing him gain*

Number 3: here comes the ex’s, MMIB comes third on that list. The first time I proposed I did it by mistake. Actually I was saying something else and instead the word marriage was spilled out of my mouth. I kept apologizing but he actually believed it was a nice spill. I proposed later once as a tease and once as stating a fact.

Number 4: Essam, another good friend of mine. I always tease him about getting married instead of the unstable love lives we both have. This is always a joke, though the 40 years deal wasn’t a joke. *wicked wink*

Number 5: MH, one of the ex’s. I proposed once and for all. It was when he was about to leave to the USA to pursue his PhD and a friend of mine advised me to pose marriage. I did and his reaction was “But you never mentioned commitment?!” sorry buddy, my fault.

Number 6: last but not least Mr Xx (aka Brad) actually I didn’t propose till recently as we were talking about how I keep teasing people about marriage and as I never proposed to him I found it a necessity to ask one of my major crushes if he would like to have me as a wife, he promised me a surprising answer and he was up to it, he agreed. If only it wasn’t a joke *wicked wink*

So, I guess 6 isn’t a number. Especially if half the number are silly jokes. It is amazing that HH isn’t on the list, but I just discovered that I never proposed to the man, he is the one who keeps proposing. I might share one of my answers to one these proposals one day.

Anyway, as Ross said proposing could be fun and it is really addictive. But it is not really effective. If you really like the man wait until he gets over his insecurities and take the step. If you don’t or if you are as crazy as me just do it, you will love the reactions. It is actually one of the ways to test how experienced is your guy * another wicked wink *

Anyway if you are male, single, smart and cute will you marry me* LOooOL*

The Truth About Coffee & Tea

I am definitely not a coffee girl. I don’t over consummate coffee though I believe it is essential to start off the day with a little dose of caffeine disguised in a cup of coffee & milk. I enjoy coffee not only for its awakening effect but because of its uniqueness. Wishing to be unique myself I look high at coffee as whenever coffee is around other scents and tastes faint. Coffee has such a presence, for me it is a perfect woman brewed into a cup.
Yet I would always prefer tea. I love how sensitive it can be. Just like me, it should always be handled with care. As the slightest things could really change how it tastes. This sensitivity though might sound a turn off but yet it is one of the best things about tea. It is what makes each cup a different experience. With sugar, with mints, little milk or even lemon, honey, saffron and cardamom or the holy earl-grey. Each is a door to a different heaven. Each is a secret way to a different world.

As coffee is a woman, man is a cup of tea. Black, white or even green they are all tea that got flavored with different exposures to different experiences. Just like tea some are mild, some are wild and every other day you come across a perfect balance. And just like tea, you can keep adding flavors that keep mixing to enhance your enjoyment in a way.
The perfect cup will always be the one that you know will always draw a smile on your face. The one you wake up longing for, the one that makes the afternoon perfect and the one that grants a good night sleep. The perfect cup is the sanctuary that keeps you off the world when things unexpectedly happen. The perfect cup will neither be wild nor mild, what makes it perfect is that regardless what is added it always seems to be the thing you asked for.

A Series of Pointless Posts: Movie Hunt

I am really not good with names, which is a really bad thing, it is not only that I never remember the names of the books or the songs or the celebrities but also I always forget the names of the people I used to be friends with at a certain point of time. Actually I have a non-stick memory, which is a good thing sometimes.
Anyway, I have been searching for a movie that I can remember neither its name nor the name of who starred it. All what I can remember is a line and some of the plot. It was about a man and a woman who met and got married, then got divorced and they kept meeting and re-marrying after each divorce for four times and when one of the man’s friends asked him why her. He smiled and said she just fits!

His Prayer in Her Sacred Temple

Ripped from many pages saying “I Love You”

Sex-machine bombshell femininity fountain non-stop erotica ball emptier, grace, beauty … all these things strike my mind when I remember You.
You seem like bursting out with feminine raw sexual power ready to erupt and wipe-out cities and villages.

Violent display of chiseled woman chassis. Daring core magnetism to taboo. Warnings of a resilient encounter with sex's soaring pleasures. Arabian night-ish silhouette defining a woman in flesh and bones as sweet as honey as soft as butter.
Breasts like distant hills men would crawl to summit. Flawless powerful thighs shrouded with virgin milky skin built to be wrap masculine waists. Arms and shoulders carved out of infinity to match what would be a mesmerizing woman's tentacles. A pair of mile-long legs, sturdy with stream like effortless outlines, a clone of timeless Roman pillars, and in between them lies a dogmatic everlasting mystery many would sacrifice their lives for.

A paradox of a paralleled existence, one would enter into a dimension-less world, once tasted the juicy folds of delicate skin, that form the tunnel of love's entrance to lustful passion. Lips as poisonous as the ancient Serpent, baring a diabolical smile inviting the strongest of all men to surrender their arms, and enter willingly into the realms of submission.
For the eyes that have mesmerized hordes of men, is unmatched even by Medusa. Time stops once stared into them, so does one's heart, for their magic attraction would out power any efforts in vain, and would rip men's hearts out of their chests, only to be owned by she whom must be obeyed.

Hmm ...no. Words cannot describe you. They cannot do you any justice. The battle is uneven; my words are overwhelmed by what my eyes behold. I died during battle, but at least, I died trying.

Drowned in your lust,

Another Look Inside

That's Lucky!!

CC to the World!

I don’t really know where I should begin. If I said that I am not good with words probably you won’t believe me. I might be good with words when it comes to twisting facts into philosophical abstracts. I might be good at describing my silly feelings to people who won’t really care about it, or maybe I only pour my heart out to those who won’t relate. I felt muted when you asked me that question yet again. Who am I? Remember a little more than a year ago you asked me that very same question. I remember I felt exactly the same. I felt ideas rushing into my head and none could be turned into words. Not because I can’t find an answer but because I can’t afford answering such a question. I couldn’t afford answering it back then and I still can’t afford answering it now.
I can’t afford answering it because I am not sure if it is the right thing to do. So please this is my heart speaking, don’t pay much attention the only intension of this is to pour of the silly talk of a heart.
Whenever I close my eyes I see you. I see us in different situations. I see us in a kitchen cooking. I see us watching stars. I have always imagined those rides on the bicycle. I can close my eyes and see a long road surrounded by trees. It is daylight but it is shady because of the trees. Sometimes I am riding behind you and other times I infront of you. In both cases I know that this is the man I have been sleeping on his shoulder for the last year. I know he is my companion. He isn’t just the friend. It is deeper than friendship though friendship is already deep. And unlike sea it is warmer when you get deeper into the heart. I close my eyes and know exactly that this is what I have always wanted. You and I down a sunny yet shady road against the odds of time, places, people and even us.
I close my eyes and I know I am holding tight onto the man. I close my eyes and I know that I have everything I would need in that world. I close my eyes and I see my little heaven. I close my eyes and I know that the days to come will always be my better days and the only thing that would make them better is you.
Every night, I close my eyes and call your name. I keep telling you my stories. I say the things I would never dare telling you. I tell you how and why my heart ached today. I tell you what lies I told and why. I tell you that I have promised myself to never get hurt again. I tell you that I just can’t say it out loud. I can’t admit that I have had things in mind. I tell you that I have always wished that I was different that I have known from the very beginning that you would hate all those little things that makes me “me”. I knew you would have hated the extra use of hands in my talks; you would hate my repetitive falls into the dark well. I knew you would have hated my tendency to depend, my excessive leaning and my constant need for affection. I knew you would hate my weakness. I knew you spot the shell I hide behind. I knew that I didn’t deserve that heaven I longed for because I failed to change. I knew it will always be her, any other her, who would be less demanding, more confident. I knew that “she”, any she, will be a better option because she will be easier to shape. She won’t be having the heritage of 5000 years of being Egyptian. I knew that the other will always be a more appealing option because her heart won’t keep failing her.
I just knew. I know myself. I might not know you for long but I just knew. I knew that I am not what you needed though you are just what I need. I knew that being the person I am, I might not cleverly handle you. I saw points where we will both hurt each other. I will hurt you by my constant self-centered attitude. I knew you will hurt me because at times you would want me to take care of myself. I knew that I have been too ruined to be fixed. I knew you won’t give me the only thing I needed to be fixed, belief. I knew that the package isn’t that appealing to you.
I thought that time would fix it, the dreamy me told the silly me to let everything to time. And that in a couple of years maybe you would eventually discover the buried treasure and only then you would take the moving hands, the P’s, the complicated family, the broken heart, the scared soul along with the loud voice. But destiny didn’t give me as much time; in the time I have been dreaming about the uncertain future you have had other plans. And I found out that probably after these couple of years I thought you would need to discover if there deep under the layers of shit lays a shinning diamond that deserves to endure some shit. I found out that these couple of years will be all the time you would need to get deeply involved with someone else. Who is doing her “bestest” to keep you maintained. Someone who deserves to enjoy the sunset drives, the shopping sprees, the cooking, and the dreams.
Didn’t I tell you, I am just slow!
I am not sure what I am trying to say here. And I am not sure if whatever I am saying is making any sense. I don’t even know if I have answered the question.
You said you are not capable of love, so I decided to ask our common friend “wikipedia”, I found that unfortunately you are as someone called Zick Rubin said that love is constituted of three factors; attachment, caring and intimacy, The same three things that ties you to your “One”. So you are capable of love. Though I prefer what that other guy John Major said, the best sort of relationship involves both pints (of beer) and sex; a suboptimal relationship has only beer or sex; but love is what is left in the relationship once beer and sex are removed.
I don’t know if writing this was a good idea. And I am not sure if I didn’t act in an extra womanly way. You know when you ask a woman a direct question and she starts twisting things and use metaphors. Just in case you wondered, my direct answer will be you are you, my man with all the faces that the word could bear.

I am still not good with words. I could keep writing pages and I would never find a way to say what I really want to say.
Now my heart is done saying some of the little things it was keeping.

Yours
Shimaa

===========================================================
He asked me what made me want to share this with the whole world, I answered that maybe if I did it will feel fine.
I have been keeping hiding something, something that he once described as my love to someone that I don’t want to get attached to.
I thought that sharing some of the troubles buried in the little heart would make this troubles go away. Maybe this will dry the water that binds the quicksand.
I don’t know why I am sharing this with the world. I will just do it maybe the world will tell me why did I.

The Blog Readability Test

What Level of Education is Required to Understand Your Blog?

Movie Reviews

Guilty As Charged

This picture seems to be haunting me. There is a debate about FGM in Egypt. As always the Egyptians are still debating how to legalize a crime against humanity.

This picture kept haunting me, not only in every blog I visited but in my dreams too.

I would like each of you to dare look on the eyes of this girl. I want each of you to take a thorough look at the man in the corner of this picture. I want you to see the determination of that woman holding the prey. I want you to see those helping hands.

Could anyone tell me why we keep killing the future of Egypt?

Inspiration :)

I have a nice online friend named Haz. She is from Singapore. I met her through my blog. She's listing me in her sources of inspirations. The first time I saw my name on her list I was too happy that I kept telling everyone that someone somewhere thinks that my nonsense is inspiring.
She is a really nice and interesting girl. She is indeed a real source of inspiration.
Today as I was visiting her blog, I found that she's changed the background song to a really nice song. About a teacher who killed the talent inside a little boy.
The boy was painting flowers in different colors and the teacher wanted him to paint them in red and green because this is how flowers have al
ways been seen

The little boy sings, there are so many colors in a rainbow, so many colors in a morning sun, so many colors in a flower and I see everyone.

And here I am singing, There are soooo mannnyyy colooorss in a rainboww, sooo manyyy colors in a morning sun and sooo many colors in a flower. I KNOW everyone :)
There is always a need to see things in a way that isn't always the way they have been seen.

Thanks Haz :) One more time you make my day :)

Reflections on An Absurd Dialogue

Me 1: Don’t you think I have gone too far in the last couple of years?

Me 2: Far into the same circle you mean?

Me 1: No, far into how I deal with life. I stopped selling myself short at least not in a way that I am aware of. An improvement I guess

Me 2: May be, but don’t you think you are selling your self short to him?

Me 1: At least I didn’t tell him, I didn’t tell anyone back then and I won’t tell anyone ever. I am keeping it inside. I plotted the perfect lie and I sticking to it.

Me 2: You know that woman at the college the other day has figured you out in one minute.

Me 1: She didn’t mean my life; she meant the stupid masters degree.

Me 2: But what she said is absolutely true. The problem was never that you can’t find a good point for your research but the problem is that you never knew the aim of having such a thing. She was right. You don’t know what you want.

Me 1: No, I know exactly what I want.

Me 2: Which is?
Me 1: The fact that I don’t share the things I want with everyone, even with you, doesn’t mean that I really don’t want anything. Even if we hypothetically admitted that I want nothing, this will be something that I want and the hypothesis will be initially false.

Me 2: Welcome Miss Philosophical nonsense. This is what I have been talking about. You never knew what you really wanted. You never knew what you really wanted from yourself and you never knew what you really wanted from them.

Me 1: C’mon, at least I knew what I wanted from HIM.

Me 2: Ah, HIM? And?

Me 1: Remember, I told him and look what happened. A MESS

Me 2: But that MESS didn’t stop you from repeating the same mistake.

Me 1: And this is exactly what I have been talking about. I didn’t tell him and this is what I call a positive change. I hid it even from myself and this is what I call an improvement.

Me 2: Frankly, do you think it would ever be going to work. Assuming that you have communicated what you really had in mind and it was sound for him?

Me 1: I’ve never thought of it that way. The only thing I thought of back then was how to minimize the pain. Because I knew it will eventually come.

Me 2: You are way too ruined. You are beyond fixing girl. Yet, I really like what you said about sometimes the only way to say I love you is to say goodbye.

Me 1: Yeah, it was intended to HIM. Everyone read it, liked it but you know HIM. He never cares.

Me 2: He is too way beyond fixing. By the way your detachment technique sucks. And your quicksand analogy is true. I think it is better if you stopped fighting. Just keep holding your position and for God’s sake stop listening to Robbie Williams’ something stupid because you will eventually be as stupid as the song.

Me 1: But …

Me 2: No Buts, time to bug Sameh. Nighty Nighty

Political Buzzes 2 – The New Islamic Empire

A lot of people seem to be selling the dream of Islamic/ Arab unity on basis that this will be the road of putting Muslims ahead of other nations and consequently ruling the world by creating the new Islamic Empire.
I was going through some old mails and I read an article that was circulated 2 years ago. The article was about the Islamic come back and how the Muslim world is being changed because Islamists are winning more ground on their countries and this might be a sign of an Islamic come back.
I can’t agree with such calls, because forming such a nation that will inherit the light of civilization from the current possessors needs more than the good willing of a dreamer and the political rising of some radicals.
The dream of having a giant united Islamic state that resembles what ruled the world once is completely unfeasible because of the very same argument that article used to warn/ celebrate the Islamic come back. The noticeable rising of radical Muslims is a sign that Islam is going through a major crisis as extremes and extremists have no place in that world.
The calls for reviving the old kingdom are absolutely infeasible because the old kingdom died and the heritage was moved to other enlightened nations. Time moves forward and so does nations. The calls for dragging the whole world back in time in a hope the dead will rise from death will result in nothing but darkness. And in the war of darkness and light, light always win because it takes as small as a match to pave a way in a very dark tunnel.

P.S.
I could never understand those who try to put Islam as a political aim. Islam is a religion not a political party. Islam is a faith not a nationality. And Muslims doesn’t need to be united in a giant religion based state. Who said that God ordered us to form a state? Or who said that God promised Muslims the politics of the world for as far as I remember God promised anyone who believed heaven. I never knew that the road to heaven is through political wars.

The Others Aren't Always True!

It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to anything. - > Albert Einstein's teacher to his father, 1895

This is a good joke :)

What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man?You can enjoy all but the head.

What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man? They are both said to be intelligent but no one can prove it.

What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man?They both get hot in 15 seconds.

Why can't a man be both good looking and intelligent? Because that would make him a woman.

Why is the man's brain the size of a peanut?Because it is swollen.

Why are batteries better than man?Batteries have at least one positive end.

Why does it take a million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because sperms are males and they refuse to ask for directions.

Why is the male intelligence worth more than the female?It is more rare.

What do you call an attractive, intelligent and sensitive man?A rumor

A Wish For A Miracle

If you could wish for a miracle, what will you wish for?
I wish …

I wish Adam and Eve never ate the fruit.

This is a Happy Thought :)