April 29, 2007

Crush!!




He came out of the blues, I didn’t see him coming. Now I remember how I liked the way he writes. Now I can recall few times I kept holding myself from contacting him. I can sure remember how I reacted for the first private message I received from him. I remember re-reading it a couple of times. I remember I couldn’t come up with a reply, he was nice and I wanted to be as formal as I can be. I guess it was a cold reply.
We started with a set of differences and a couple of commonalities and we ended with a base of similar interests and a twist of personal differences.
I didn’t see him coming, was busy fighting myself over the ex’s and was busy fighting the ex’s over myself. And in between swords and bullets, in between blood and darkness I saw him smiling, waving at me and giving me a hand. I didn’t look around I just smiled back and took his hand. I forgot that I had a battle waiting for me, I forgot that I had unfinished business to deal with. I forgot I had a history of abusing relations, vicious circles of no relation relations.
I am not expecting much from him, a friend taught me to always expect a little so that I will be happy with whatever I end up having.
I am expecting nothing from him, deep inside me I know we came from two different worlds, I know that we only met because our roads crossed at a certain point, and that will never mean that we can share a road.
I want to lose the background fights, to kiss the ex fights goodbye, I wished I could meet him as fresh as new.
I asked him, where have you been? I have been waiting for you for ages. Or do you think if we met earlier we weren’t going to really meet? He answered; if we met earlier we weren’t going to really meet. I said, I am blessed I finally found you. He smiled and said the pleasure is mine.

I lived too long in circles that I just discovered I have lost the way out in process. I want to break my circular prison, the infinite loop of abusing, to put the war down. I want to settle for a piece of peace. I see nothing but darkness, I smell nothing but blood.

2 comments:

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

within battles we usually fight with our minds, but our hearts look for salvation ... it comes in the form of a person, an event, a trip ..

but what i fear the most is hide in the arms of the danger to take your breath ...

expect the worst ... pls expect the worst

Shimaa Gamal said...

Dear Miss Egyptiana
I am not expecting anything, not even the worst because if I expected the worst and things turned good it might give me fake hope, and if I expected something good out of it, it will probably end bad.
Thanks for the advice, I am keeping it,just in case I caught myself hoping and expecting, in that case I will always expect the worst ..
Thanks again