Episodes of Loneliness - (1) Boredom

I am a moody person, I move in waves. Sometimes I am high, sometimes I am down but I am always bored. i am bored when I am happy, I am bored when I am sad, I am bored when I am enjoying my time, and I am bored when I am bored. I always scream that I am bored without a specific reason to cause that boredom. The vacation was amazing and yet I wanted to come back home to escape my boredom, and when I got back home I found out that I didn’t lose that feeling of boredom. I am even more bored writing these lines right now.
I know the answers for all the questions lay deep inside us so here I am trying to figure out the reason for my endless boredom.
If boredom is a mere reflection for anger so what is causing that anger. What am I angry from? Why I am angry?
Am I angry from myself? Am I angry from my family? Am I angry from my friends? Am I angry from my subsequent lovers? Am I angry from the community? Am I angry from the whole world?
Actually I can’t find a suitable answer; I am a girl who has it all. I have a wonderful family, a bunch of good friends; and the community puts me up the social staircase. So that leaves me with myself. Why am I angry from me?
I am angry because of my successive failures, my persistence to re-try each time I fail, I am angry because I never lose hope. I am angry because something inside me always believes that things will eventually go my way. I am angry because of the circles I move in. I am always starting from square zero and I am always ending there. I am angry because I am static in a moving world.
I am angry because I have to go with different faces, a face for the family, a face for the lovers, a face for the friends, a face for work and a face for fights. I am angry because I don’t know who I am anymore. Am I the girl or the woman? Am I the angel or the devil? Am I am the boss or I am just being bossed all the time?
I am angry because I do the things that I have to do and no one cares about what I want to do. I am angry because the things I want to do are out of reach. I am angry because others have to decide what I am going to have. I am angry because I just can’t keep working while everyone is cheering. I am angry because I can’t keep giving while everyone is happy receiving. I am angry because I really need to see things going my way for a change. I need to go to bed taking something or someone for granted. I am angry because for me life is marked as unsafe zone.
I am just angry and I can’t find a way out of that anger. I am bored of all this anger. I am bored of being myself. I am bored, simply bored.