December 29, 2007

Episodes of Loneliness (2 )– The “H” Syndrome


He was always the choice of coincidence as he was always the best alternate plan. He is always the choice of pressure as he is always available. He was the choice of the little girl and he is the “Christopher Columbus” of the woman. He was the first and he is the last and he was always in-between.
Things started with him, he was the first point in the first circle. Things always end with him as he is the iteration condition, the only point of tangency between the interrelated circles that form my life.
He was the choice of the little girl as he always looked like prince charming. He was tall, he was fit and he had such a marvelous French accent. He smelled good, dressed good and acted with manners. He was smart, ambitious and an engineer. He was everything the little girl wished for.
He was the choice of coincidence as he was the only available alternative. He met the prince charming definition at the time no one else was even close to the standard. He was th e best escape plan for the little girl. She wanted a fairy tale. And a fairy tale he promised. He was her first. He was her first liar. He was her first scam. He was her first devil, her first kiss, and her first bite of the forbidden fruit.
He is my famous “H”. He is the shadow that darkened my life. He is my sin that was never forgiven. He is the rock, the river and the stream. He is the vicious cursed maze that took over my life one spring day. I got in and I couldn’t find my way out. I am cursed to move in circles that start with him and end with him. He is the executioner and it is my blood that keeps me attached to him.
Ever since I have known him 5 years ago I have always ended with him. I have left him once then again then fell in love then got back to him then back to love ending by falling back into his awaiting hands, then off to a new light that passed by too fast to find myself again in his ruthless hands.
He was always my choice of pressure as he has always been my happy pill. He always knew how to make me feel wanted, how to make me feel beautiful and how to play the right sexy buttons on me. He had always known his way. He got a picture of my mind engraved on the back of his hand. He walks in, knowing all the right places. He knows how to manipulate the soul and deceive the mind.
I never knew how to fight his influence. I never knew how to keep him off. Regardless how hard I try, I always end up lonely. And regardless how hard I try I always end up with him.
I am lonely and he was my only choice. I am lonely and I can’t let him go. I have lived too long in the dark; I have lost my way to the shinning sun.

I can’t breathe. I can’t think.



2 comments:

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

new human species has been found... the spiderman ... not the one like on TV.

but a true human spider, with all the spider attitude... drug the victim, drag them to the web, glue them to their increasing magnetic field

and life diminish to be only the web.

do victims stand hope... yes but requires immortal godly heroic strenght ... like in the ancient greek mythologies ...

i cant's think
i cant breath
i suffered the same
how ugly it made me feel ... how dirty ... how unreasonable... everything is so dark ... like in film negative

.............................
no comment!

Shimaa Gamal said...

A Godly heroic strength .. Amen!!