The Day I Grew A Penis

I know that the title might be a bit offensive to the reader. But I couldn’t find a better expression. I am a female, a woman as my men call me. I am supposed to be sensitive, emotional, caring, indecisive by definition, and relationship consistent by attitude.
Some how, through the course of my life, I started losing some of my womanly traits and I started acquiring what Brad calls the penis. Though known for being talkative, I started preferring silence in many cases. I started to be decisive, initiative and solution oriented instead of being whining oriented. But the thing that proved the existence of the penis was my recent relationship orientation. I have started to develop the flagging attitude, the possession obsession behavior.
I am trying to flag someone that I know isn’t mine and I have no interest in, just for the fun of flagging someone. I am obsessed by possessing someone I know I will never posses just for the sake of marking territory. I am enjoying grey tones and never take a relation into a white or black square.
Only a man, because of the hunter instinct, will pursue a woman who he knows belongs to someone else. Only a man will hunt a prey for the sake of sport. Only a man will mark any free territory as his and will try to claim others too.
I can’t find a valid reason for a woman to hunt. I can’t find a valid reason for a woman to mark territory. I can’t find a valid reason for a woman to dump the beautifulness of being a woman and acquire the worst in a male.
I don’t know how, where and why I developed that new attitude. The only answer was what Brad bravely said. Congratulations YOU MUST BE HAVING A PENIS :( :( :( :(

The French Mood

I am in the mood for french, I am always in the mood for good music but I am only in the mood for french songs when I am in a certain state of mind.

This song reminds me of something sweet, it was the theme song playing in my mind as I walked up my way to cloud nine.

Enjoy :)

P.S.

I am currently wondering, what did she do that I didn't do? What does she have that I don't? What would she offer that I won't? I am just wondering. Or may be SHE is!!!!

Anyway, to be hated for what I am is far better than being loved for what I am not ...

Secret Wishes

My aunt insists that I should speak well of my wishes inorder for them to become true. She believes that I should write them down and keep them in a place where I see them everyday and say a little prayer :)

Actually she have mentioned something about lighting a candle for a Brazilian Saint :) which is the only thing I intentionally dropped :)

Anyway, only for my aunt's sake here I am writing down my wishes, in the only place I am checking daily. I will let the prayers part for those who read this post and again I intentionally dropped saint Antonio's candle. After all I am not that desparate :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

P.S.

I am not gonna write my wishes, I am just writing the initials :)

It is a puzzle that I hope no one can solve

S, E, I, M, H

Dark Secrets – 1

I have to admit that I find it easier not to take decisions regarding my relationships. I prefer to be rejected than deciding to reject someone.
Rejection spares me the risk of deciding to commit. I really don’t know how people decide to commit. How can anyone give up freedom for uncertainty?

Picture: Fear of the unknow open door www.artbywicks.com

On Unconscious Love & Illusionary Optimism

Miss Egyptiana Wrote:

First time to know that optimism can be illusionary!!!I think it is a positive energy that help in doing things
-------
of course love is a conscious act... love electrify your body, occupy your mind, chain your soul ... how you cant notice all of this


My dearest Egyptiana

I guess illusionary optimism and unconscious love are related to a great extent.
Illusionary optimism is a case where the person loses the sense of reality. The person will act as if he owns the whole world. Illusionary optimism is directly related to the unexplained state of the heart (AKA Love). As love sometimes, again sometimes not always, can be a big source of diversion. A person in love will usually miss the little details. Love work wonders with the mind. Happiness can be misleading sometimes. While in love a person can pursue things that aren’t meant to be. He will try unlocking a closed door while having a window wide open. The faith that this closed door can be opened is an illusionary optimism.
As for love, it can be an unconscious act. It is not always the case but sometimes, we fall in love without even noticing. We wake up one day to feel the buzz moving with our blood stream. You will never remember when or where but you will definitely know that you are in love.

The extreme case will be, someone feeling the buzz of love and temporarily enjoying the status of illusionary optimism but without consciously identifying the source, i.e. the person who caused it.

If you are looking for a confession, recently I have noticed that I am passing through a peak of an illusionary optimism curve that led me to the conclusion that I, knowing the person I am, might be in love. Along came the question, who is the lucky person.
I have looked through my list of ex’s, friends, potential boyfriends and any male subject around me but I couldn’t consciously locate that person.
I feel the buzz, I own the world but I don’t know who’s caused this case.

Any idea :) ?!!!


P.S.
I see a high wave coming to shore :) my next wave crash will be a tsunami, so watch out ;)

Sister ... Sister

Ladies and Gentlemen I have news to share. Finally my sister got married. We have been struggling with time to meet our targets and finish all the “to do’s” before the wedding day. Finally we did it.
That was what I wrote in her guest book.



My dearest Heba & Hany
I have always said that love is the answer. But I can’t mislead you. Because life isn’t always as merry as we wish it to be. Hard times exist. There will come times where you will wonder if you have made the right choices, there will come times when you wonder why you fell in love in the first place and there will come time when the little things will lose their meaning. Love won’t be your answer; love will be the question both of you has to answer. Love is your test, and love is your salvation.

My dearest KoKi
I want you to remember everything that you have gone through, the good times and the bad times. Remember the faces that came into and out of your life. Remember every single moment. You will find that in better and in worse there was only one person who kept you company. YOURSELF.
So my dear, keep this in your mind, only YOU can do. You are up to everything. You have done it before, and you will keep doing it to the end of days.

Love you always
Shimaa

P.S.
Remember when I said there will always be You for You. Next comes ME : ) : ) : )
I will always be there for you.

With all the best of luck
May God grant you a happily ever after life

Current Thought - Random

Illusionary optimism: illusionary optimism is a rare case where the person experiences the feeling of possessing the world at his hands. Usually this person will see the full half of an empty cup, a typical behavior is a persisting attitude pursuing an impossible thing wearing mottos like impossible is nothing. If not treated properly this condition could lead to severe episodes of depression. Treatment is usually simple; to separate the subject from the source of the illusionary optimism, which is in most cases an unexplainable state of the heart (AKA love).

Consciousness: Is love a conscious act, or is it an unconscious thing? Can someone be in love without being aware of the feeling or the person?


Superficiality: how can we define a superficial person or a superficial act?

Going Home

This song goes to a really old friend ...

Je Suis Malade

Only Dalida can make me cry listening to this song

Little Things - 1

Little things that make my day :)

1- The SMS tone, announcing that Sameh has sent me a message.
2- Essam
3- Sameh’s Name on my Inbox
4- A new comment on my blog
5- A new country on my counter.
6- Breakfast out with someone dear
7- A good talk with Brad
8- Good food
9- Ahly winnings
10- My good friend Amany, who believes in me. She believes that I have the strength to make the world a better place.

P.S.
I know I haven't wrote anything of value for a while now, but I am really too busy and can't find time to write.