June 16, 2016

Pages from a Torn Diary - Betrayal

When "H" broke up with me I was in so much pain. One day I will be able to reflect on why H was that painful. After all, he was nothing but an ordinary man. Just another story. Yet, his story left me sore, too sore it still hurts today.

Anyway, so amid the pain I got a phone call from a friend. I knew that friend had feelings for me. I knew about his feelings not only because I felt it but because he told me more than once about those feelings.

Me and him were never going to happen or work. So I repeatedly told him that we'd better stay friends.

But he had the habit of calling whenever he sensed from the things I wrote that I am not feeling ok. So he called after H. And I was crying, I used to cry all the time after H.

Anyway, he comforted me and listened as a good friend would do. Then he reopened the subject of "us". I replied that I am broken and I will be using him if I said yes. He said, no. One day you will know that I am the one using you and not the oppositte.

I gave him a try.

It was a one time sort of date. He then pulled back. I needed emotional support, and he wasn't ready to give any. He acted just like any of the other men I had in my life. He wanted to be available only when he wanted to be available.

I was really disappointed in what he did but instead of blaming him I downgraded him from the friend status to the someone I used to know status.

He betrayed me.

And this is the point. We go through phases of our lives when we are vulnerable to different types of predators. We build defenses to keep the devils away. Friends are supposed to be one of our lines of defenses. So when he allowed himself to "use" a clear weakness. When he allowed himself to offer things that he has no plans to fulfill just to get me to do something I wouldn't have done if I weren't in that emotional state, he did nothing but betraying me.

We are not supposed to betray people's trust. We are not supposed to exploit our friends' vulnerabilities.

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