September 10, 2012

One Last Time ... Again

She Said:

You know I have always wanted a serious relationship. I didn't want to know that much men. I wanted to marry my 1st guy. But he left me. Then came another one who left me too. Every time I thought it will be the last time. And every time they left because I wanted it to be serious and they were never "serious" enough.

I didn't want to know as much men. I didn't want to have a first or a last. I just wanted to have one man. But no man wanted me to be "the" one woman.

Maybe I should change perspective.

Maybe I should take the fling as long as I am always offered "flingship"

Or maybe I should redefine seriousness because my seriousness led me to no where.

But I don't want a fling. I get nothing but "flings". I don't want a fling. I want something stable. I want no worries. I want to take something for granted. I don't want to worry about how stupid I am. Or how anything I am doing might turn him off. I don't want to worry whether or not he thinks I am entertaining. I don't want to fear being complicated. I don't need to pretend being shallow or deep.

I want to be myself, I want to be safe and I want it to last long enough for it to be a fact of life not something I am not sure whether or not is real.

I don't want a fling.

But maybe I should give him a try. One last time.

The day I quit him is the day I will quit love ... forever.

One last time ... then I quit.

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