March 28, 2007

The First Date

I have known him for 5 years. For some 5 years might sound a small time, for others it might be like forever. But for us, those five years were a complete history.
They were 5 years of misery & 5 years of happiness. They were 5 years of honesty & 5 years of deception. They were 5 years of brain wash.
I started these 5 years with blind trust, and I think I am still blind, but I lost the trust in process.
When he asked to meet me, I kept maneuvering, for months. He promised he will make this one different. In all the 5 years and with all our history, we never had a decent date. It was always on a rush, either me being on a rush, or him being on a rush. We used to meet between our schedules, as transportation. And it always ended badly. Each time, we end up fighting, over what I expect and what he wants. We never had a decent date.
He promises me everything, and my experience taught me not to trust him in anything, he can be honest sometimes, but I can’t trust his honesty any more.
I kept maneuvering, till the risk taker in me decided that this risk is essential to assess he credibility. I can’t keep assuming he is a liar without a test, and I can’t start building the broken bridge of trust without test.
So I decided to go, with my rules. He chose a quite place and I didn’t question his choice. I can’t deny I was scared, I don’t know if he noticed me shaking, he complemented me, as he always does.
He said he now remember how beautiful I am, how much he loves my eyes.
I discovered that though I thought I know him, I acted like a teenager in her 1st date.
There was silence, long pauses and little laughs. I guess I was boring, but he was so nice. He talked about the future, and I love it when he does. I love when he talks about tomorrow, and mentions me.
I don’t know how my first date went, but I got back home happy. That he didn’t fail the test. I respect a man’s intelligence, and patience in a hunting game.
I love his French, and I love the song that was playing, “Adieu Mon Pays”, I barely understand French, and I barely understood it, but I have always liked it.

That was my first date. I am not sure if there are more to come, he said there will be forever for us to spend together. I am not sure about forever, but I decided just to enjoy today, and the feeling of my first date.

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