July 14, 2014

Back to Drama!

So he died!

The man who gave me the most overwhelming year and a half in my life just died. One minute he was here and the other he was gone.

A month later, I still check his social media accounts the 1st thing in the morning as I have used to do for the last year and half.

Part of me is still waiting for him. I miss him in so many ways that I don't think anyone would get. And I am not really able to express.

I miss him ... He is dead.

No one comes back from the dead.

Before meeting him, I was living life one day at a time. I lost believing in "tomorrow". The past was full of pain the present was unbearable and consequently the future promised nothing less than what they had to offer.

Then he gave me a job, a chance and almost a daily dose of communication. Half the way of the project I was working on I started to realise that I have lost my attitude towards life.

I have been doing something that I love, and I have been working with someone who appreciates the little things I notice and make sure to let me know he has noticed me efforts and the points I bring onto the project.

Life was perfect. Even when I lost the man I loved like no one else. Life was still "liveable".

By the end of that project he gave me the best surprise in my life. He asked me to write to his new online newspaper. He said I am talented and I had something to say. He said that my blogs have good content.

He was who he was. What he said that night was one of the biggest confidence boosts I ever got in my whole life.

For a while after that, everything in my life seemed ok. All the pain, the broken hearts, the disappointments, the failures ... everything seemed ok because all of these added up to that moment of pure joy.

If it weren't for the pain, the heartbreaks and the disappointments I wasn't going to ever meet him.

He came into my life and suddenly .. It was full of meaning.

It was ok ...

I got published.

I had/ have a line of men waiting on me to say yes (still to sex but it didn't sound as bad because I was published!)

Life was perfect. I was happy. And I didn't want to hide it. Because I have been sad for God knows how many years.

Then he died ...

I am still published ... I still have the long line of men waiting on me to say yes (still for sex) some are ex's and some are new but it isn't ok anymore.

The long line of horny men isn't ok anyone. The yes or no aren't ideas that I would happily entertain as I think about the new article I am writing.

It isn't ok. It was never ok!

My life is made of wait and temporary fixes.

I have been waiting all my life for things. I have been persisting to get things done.

I have been living on temporary fixes till something happens.

If you can't find a good job, do whatever job you can find till something happens.

If your lover can't be the man you want him to be, do whatever till he comes around.

If you can't find someone to love you, do with whoever pretends he loves you while all what he wants is to jump into your pants.

Work, Wait and Persist! You will eventually do it!

Guess what?

He died!

The man you "love" is married!

And the best you can score of men are whores!

No comments: