December 07, 2008

Current Thought - Children

I never thought of having children. I am few months away from being thirty and it seems that my biological clock isn’t really working. I still didn’t get the urge of being a mother. And regardless how hard I try the longest time I can spend with a child is two hours.
Recently I have been spending more time around children. Nothing of my choice but it happens that most of the people I know got married and got kids. So their children became part of the package. The time I spend with my friends and their kids makes me appreciate my single status more.
I am not sure if I am a mother material, the same way I am not sure if I am a marriage material. I don’t know what makes a mother material. Motherhood is tricky on many levels. It starts way before getting married. I believe women should plan their motherhood early in their life. First by being healthy, we waste our health on many levels believing that our bodies belong to us. But the truth is, our bodies belong to our unborn children. Next comes choosing the father. Most women forget that factor while choosing a partner. We look for many things, we fall for different people and the least we think of is if they will ever be good fathers.
And when we eventually get married we just get pregnant because this is how things are done. Pregnancy is unplanned decision. There is even a common saying in Egypt, “that child was a mistake”. We are all children of mistakes. Our mothers and fathers never planned the time of having us. They just got us because this is how people get babies. Even after pregnancy the myths control the mother. A woman will probably believe old wives sayings rather than believing her doctor. A mother won’t put a delivery plan. The default option is natural delivery and a c-section only if there were complications. I rarely hear of women who opt for c-section because if it was her decision she would take lots of criticism.
When the baby is born, they would probably react as things occur. No one gets ready ahead. Out of the people I know only a couple invested some time reading about raising children and children psychology. Only few read about what to expect as their children grow. And only these few are the ones who thought of the principles they would raise their children on.
Only these few earned being mothers. The rest are those who give their children different complexes.
I am not sure if I will ever be a mother, I still didn’t plan it anyway. But if I ever to be a mother I think there is one thing that I want to teach my children. I want to teach them that anything isn’t right because everyone is doing it. An action can be wrong though it is widely accepted as right. I want to teach my children to believe in the right things they do even if they are the only ones who are doing it. I want to teach them the story of the little boy called Ibrahim who rejected the Gods his people worshiped and followed his instinct to truth.
I will teach them to stick to what they feel is right even if it was against my own beliefs.

What would you teach your children?


kochia said...

(`'·.¸ (`'·.¸*¤* ¸.·'´) ¸.·'´)
♥*** happy feast ***♥
(¸.·'´ (¸.·'´*¤* `'·.¸) `'·.¸)

Sherif said...

I'll sure teach them to follow me .. not Shimaa ..


When you're a mother, soon inshallah, you'll have a whole different perspective ..

Shimaa Gamal said...

My Dearest Sherif
Do you think I will really change my mind if I ever became a mother :))
I really hope if I ever became a mother not to end up locking my children up in a cage :)

I hope you enjoyed ur vacation

LiL^OrioN said...

lock up in a cage? haha!! you're cute. actually, somehow, it does. i've seen many people change after marriage, change after having children.

hehe. i want to teach my kids to know Islam from the very beginning, but not in an enforcing and "drive-it-down-your-throat" manner. there's just too much emphasizing but not much thinking nowdays. =S

jessyz said...

This post made me smile. I never liked children, I had a 15 minute limit. When I got married I had this strange but very certain feeling that I wanted to have my husband's children and was sure he would be a great father. I got pregnant in a planned/unplanned sort of way, but I guess deep down I did want it at the time I got pregnant. As for my baby I believe even though I sometimes see her as an extension of myself she is also herself and should learn to become who she wants to be. My friends make fun of me because I always let her eat what she wants when she wants it, I do give her healthy options though. I've read every book I could find from the start of the pregnancy and I am still reading. I also made the decision to follow attachment parenting. Wow, that was a long comment, but it is because I totally agree with you. Children are a gift and a miracle and we should honor that by giving them the best in life (not material things) but the best teachings a parent can give is the best gift of all.

Cesario said...

Unfortunately, in Egypt we get into college because that's the way it should be, we get a job, because that's the way it should be, get married, because that's the way it should and so on and so on.

If you ask anyone they do anything, you won't get a convincing answer. I mean, when you're preparing a lousy presentation, you have to have an objective, doesn't LIFE deserve the same?

It's a hopeless case.

Shimaa Gamal said...

@ Haz
Believe me sometimes I find it so tempting to lock up hyper-active children in cages. I know it doesn't sound human but what they do isn't human either :))))

I really hope there is a way to teach our children Islam without pushing it down thier throats. You know pushing things this way lead our children to grow up in doubt and take longer to accept what's written.
Inshallah you will have great kids and you will be a great mother.

Shimaa Gamal said...

@ Jessy
Your comment reminded me of a pleasant feeling. It is the feeling that a certain man desrves to be the father of your children. The feeling of longing to have a part of this man growing into you to bring to the world someone that will eternally hold both your signatures :)

Inshallah your daughter will grow up to be a fine woman and she inturn will be a great mother having you as her model.

You can't imagine how her being an extension to you touched my heart. Can you imagine how we are to our parents :) I mean there are definitly things that the one can never know until he is a parent himself.

May God bless you and your family

Shimaa Gamal said...

@ Cesario
First I am so happy you are back to the surface of the earth :) I hope your mood is better now. And plz don't just hide when you plan to do leave a note :)

I agree that Egypt is a hopeless case. Actually it is hopeless because we are expected to follow the corwd regardless what this crowd is really doing. I remember that even in "Thanwya Ama" exams they would ommit a question if the majority answered it wrong. Just because the majority did it wrong someone believes that it is rightful to deprive those who answered it right from the marks they deserve.