Lately I have been telling everyone that I want to be locked in a white room. I need some time to reflect on the little things that have been occupying my mind for the last couple of months.
I need to be locked in a place where there is no sound, no pressure, and no tensed souls. I need a moment alone to enjoy the company of myself.
This white room is my closest idea to the cleansing ritual as my need for a cleansing ritual never included the need to burn little mementos to get over the painful events, I usually know that I am clean when this little things find their way to the shades (expect for that one time when I threw Brad’s roses, it was an important decision if I wanted to keep the friend).
I kept planning an escape, or to be more honest I kept hoping for an escape in the time my father had other plans. He was planning his idea of cleansing, Omra.
I have to admit that I wasn’t as excited as everyone should be. For many reasons, first because it is just another vacation with my family and we happen not to share the same vacation standards. So basically it won’t be as fun as I want it to be. The second reason is that I had plans for a different company to such a spiritual journey. It is not that I hate my current company, but that I had something else in mind. Third is the fact that I didn’t choose the timing. I am not sure that it is the proper time for me to go pay God a visit. For me the timing is like when you go visit an old friend that you have had a recent conflict with, not that I have a conflict with God but that I have had different episodes of impatience. I wanted to long for the visit; I didn’t want to be anxious about it.
Anyway, I will be off for a couple of weeks. I am still a believer that God knows best, so maybe Omra is the white room that I have been longing for. People have been telling me that it will be a new start, which is the reason behind my frustration. I don’t like change; at least I don’t like change that I know nothing about.I am not the type of person who smiles proposing a toast to ends and new beginnings, but I will let go with the flow as God always knows best.
I will miss you all and I will remember you in my prayers. See you in a couple of weeks.