October 22, 2015

Random Messages - 4

Dear him

In case you ever wondered what happened and why did I have to leave the way I did. 

I couldn't tolerate how you treat me anymore. And it isn't how you treat me, treat me in general. It is how you treat the female in me.

My dear, you are demeaning!

Everything you do, everything you say and every way you try to fix what the things you said & did, is demeaning. 

You panic! The moment you feel like I might be interested in you, you panic. And your panic is demeaning. You constantly put me in a position to defend myself and deny that I have feelings for you and this is demeaning.

Why is it demeaning I had to use the word too much?

Because I do have feelings for you! 

Because you have been the happy thought that gets me through my lonely nights.

Because at a moment you were my light at the end of the first tunnel

Because all of the above never meant I would ever want a relationship with you.

Wanna know why?

Because I deserve way more than what you have to offer.

Because I want more than a casual grey relationship

Because I need a man not a ghost and I need to feel loved and appreciated not just an on call sex buddy. 

Dear him, 

I have feelings for you yet I never wanted a relationship. And every time you panic at the idea that I might be wanting a relationship a part of me dies. 

I might be loving you, but I love myself more .. I had to leave.

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