August 20, 2014

35th ... L' Année Abdullah Kamal

Today I cross the 35th mark. A point of contemplation about the past and consideration of what the future might offer.

But today I have no intention to share neither the past contemplations nor the future considerations.

Today is about my 35th year. If I could give this year a name it will definitely be “Abdullah Kamal”

I had an overwhelming year!

A year that was full of victories (both big and small), love, wisdom, joy, fairy tales and loss.

This overwhelmingly overwhelming year was courtesy of him.

He simply changed my life. He made it bearable. He gave me hope when nothing in this world promised hope. He believed in me, he constantly supported me; he gave me intensive doses of confidence.

He was a miracle. He was my proof that God listened. He was the answer to all my prayers.

He was my mentor, my guide, the light that led me out of the deep dark hole of depression.

He fixed me. He made writing this post possible. I am not as sore. I can look back at my pains and see that they led to new places, places that might or might not be better places yet the journey was totally worth it.

He was my miracle.

But then he died.

One minute he was here the next he wasn’t and life hasn’t been the same.

I miss him in ways that can’t be put in words. It is like I am walking around with a huge pile of feelings. I know I miss him, I know he’s dead and I know he won’t be back. But I don’t know what to do about all these.

I look around for guidance and he’s not here. And no one could ever fill his place.

It is overwhelming.

I am 35. I am grateful. And I will miss Abdullah Kamal every step of the way.

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