May 26, 2010

. . .

I feel like fighting with someone. I want to fight. I have all these things that I want to say but I simply can’t. I can’t even talk about it with anyone I know. In simple words I am defeated and I have no energy to address the wounds.

If it was up to me, I would have died. If it was up to me I would have vanished. If it was up to me I would have stopped the time because I don’t think I can take whatever is coming my way.

But it is not up to me. It was never up to me. I can’t stop time, I can’t vanish and I can’t choose to die. So here I wait with my wounds for more to come my way.

Here I wait patiently because patience is the only thing I can.

12 comments:

Ze2red said...

ah ya rabby! i relate big time.

Shimz, pray for me hard the coming few days please.

Noblese said...

Shimaa dear, I thought your first post would be about expectations ... do these feelings of fighting come from certain unfulfilled expectations? Going through something like that would for sure make you stronger ... but why can't you talk about it? You know you have to get it out ... why not write it down and bring all your anger on paper or in whatever form you prefer. Go for a walk in the woods and shout it out, or stand on a noisy bridge ... Take care of yourself

@Ze2red: I'll be praying for you, hold on strong.

jazzylife said...

the vanish part..
and not the up to me part ..
i relate aggressively !

Ze2red said...

Noblese: I'm holding on tight, strong, hard and doing all i could really. Hope things will pass by smoothly or i'm getting into trouble. Thanks for the prayers i really appreciate it. You have lifted my spirit up ;)

Shimaa Gamal said...

@ Ze2red, I am praying for you, I hope things are going fine with you.

@ Cindy, didn't I tell you, we are all the same ;)

@ Noblese, I don't know how to thank you for your kindness. You are like a sister that I have never seen.
Expectations is still the 1st on my list and as it is expected when you expect to write about expectations you end up with something that you didn't expect :)
You are right, I Should be writing about these feelings because I think they are the reason of my severe mood swings these days. I go in rapid cycles of anger, fear, surrender and lots of other feelings all in one minute.

Thank you all for support :)

Ze2red said...

They are not going like i want them to, but who knows, i'll get the news today.

Shimaa Gamal said...

isa khier ya 7abeeby, tameneena ba2a

Noblese said...

Shimaa, I am flattered! You know, I have been through a lot during my burnout, and thanks to God I am much better now.

Ze2red, hope all will be fine on your side.

Ze2red said...

Okay, updates, i got an extension to my deadline till thursday, everything should be done by then or else...

today was a good day, so far... hope i won't jinx it, everybody was supportive thanks god.

Ladies you are awesome, i can feel the effect of your prayers, so please keep praying for me. This week - actually less than 5 working days - is crucial to my career.

Love you!

Randa said...

I didn't find but this verse from The Holy Qura'n to gift it to you:

" قل يا عبادى الذين أسرفوا على أنفسهم؛ لا تقنطوا من رحمة الله؛ إن الله يغفر الذنوب جميعا؛ إنه هو الغفور الرحيم"

صدق الله العظيم

Sina said...

you're tagged
(Me running away)

http://natural-conspiracy.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-love-blog-games-and-most-importantly.html

Shimaa Gamal said...

Randa

Thank you very much for you gift. It is good to remember every now and then.


Sina

I think I should do this tag now before I ran out of friends to tag :D
I was planning to tag you and run away :D