March 20, 2009

On Darkness, Cards and the Good Old Days

I am not attached to memories, I don’t long for past. I don’t know how healthy is that but I rarely miss the “good old times”. Everyone seems to miss their childhood, college time, or even a work place that they left. I just don’t, maybe it is related to my bad memory but sometimes I remember events but I just don’t feel like re-living them again. I bury the joy with the pain and I always look ahead. I know that this sounds untrue coming from a person who keeps whining about the mistakes she has done in her life but seriously, even when I whine it is all about the next step never the past. I whine out of worry because as a history fan I know how it ironically repeats itself whenever someone thinks he is smart enough to beat the odds.
But even if history keeps repeating itself, trying to beat the odds will always be the only way for development. We won’t advance if we stayed in the safe corner of what we know. We have to take a step into the dark hoping that this step might be a start for a journey to a new light. We take a step into the dark praying that it isn’t the last on a steep hill. We hope, we pray and we plan for our steps. For an outsider a step into the dark seems as an aimless step but for us, for each of us, darkness promises a meaning. Darkness is a direction. Darkness is our bright future that depends so much on where we stand now and more on where we came from.
And that doesn’t mean that those who are standing on the edge of a steep hill will always end up crashed on the valley’s rocks. Sometimes the worse the place you came from the better the place you will end up at. Because life is pretty much like a card game, it is not really about how good the cards you were dealt are. It is all about how good you can use what you were dealt. It is about when to place the bets, when to pass and when to finally quit.
In that game you don’t get to long for the time you won when you lose. First longing won’t bring winnings back, playing will. Second the sweetness of the memory will always be accompanied by bitterness. Longing is a bitter feeling, it holds an unsatisfied need. And if we have to long we should long for tomorrow. That way bitterness will go with the sweetness of satisfaction.
And as we don’t get to long for the time we won, we don’t get to regret the way we mistakenly used our cards. Because that foolishness was the reason we knew how things were supposed to be. It is all about how we can make best of the cards we have been dealt now. Whether we win or lose, it will just be a base for a new step into a new darkness.
And if that matters, we don’t get to blame the dealer as his job is to blindly deal the cards evenly. The same way we don’t get to blame the hill for being steep or the rocks for being sharp. It is how we use our cards that define where & how we will end up.
It is all in our hands.


gjoe said...

This is so well written. Darkness is light. Deep ya Shimaa.

Shimaa Gamal said...

akhgaltom tawado3na :)
If only you knew how this ideas occur to me :):)

jessyz said...

Great analysis and well written. I do agree on not looking back or wishing for the good all days, but I don't look forward to the future either. Tomorrow does not exist until it becomes today.

Shimaa Gamal said...

Jessy, remember when I told once that all what I care about is today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow is out of reach. I still think that only today is what we have in hands it is the ground. It is just like when you walk you don't look to your feet, or look behind because if you did you will fall. You look ahead to watch where your steps are going.

I am so happy you and gjoe think it is well written :)