August 21, 2009

Ironically 30

Sometimes I feel that you, my dear dedicated blog readers and passersby, are really lucky. Because most of the time God, for those of you who believe there is one, spare you a lot of none sense. I know it has been a while since I last wrote anything. It has been too long that I even forgot how I used to do it. But here I go again trying to be as courageous as before to spill the nonsense I have in my mind into a readable form.

So, I am thirty. Yeah, finally I crossed that virtual line I drew for myself 10 years ago. I was planning to get back to blogging by a long post about those thirty years of my life. I was planning to give a long speech about how failure is success in the core. I was planning different forms of celebrations that weren’t limited to that long philosophical speech that God just spared you. (For those who don’t believe in God this is enough reason to believe! Trust me!)

I was planning different outings with different people; I also planned a hair cut and a photo session. I was hoping to buy a new scanner to share with my “facebook world” the evidence that a cute little kid could actually grow to be …. Well, me!

As I have always done in the last 30 years I had the best laid plans and I had the will to see them through. Though the hair cut thing was delayed, and so did the metamorphosis photo album. But I had my share of fun and sure presents!

As I wanted, the celebrations started a week ahead. A thing that I believe a typical narcissist would do. My cousin threw me my 1st online party, my sister started the count down and dug all types of birthday songs she could find online. I started a series of outings with most of my favorite friends. I talked, they listened and the food was great.

To sum it up things seemed to be working perfectly according to plan, till it was – 3 or 4 hours to cross the line and the phone rang.

I wasn’t really expecting the voice on the other end but I kind of expected the call. It was my uncle’s wife telling me that my grandpa just passed away.

At this point I could start lecturing about life and death. I could take this as a reason to give the lecture I have been planning to prove how wise I am at the age of 30.

But I just can’t. Because two minutes after that phone call and as I was fighting tears and reciting prayers for my late grandpa I got a text message on my phone wishing me a happy birthday.

Well, it isn’t really my very 1st time to lose a grandparent just before my birthday; my grandma did it two days before my sweet 16. I don’t want to sound paranoid but doesn’t it feel like a conspiracy!

I just can’t stop laughing. How people are reacting to the awkwardness of the situation. I am having“three in one” phone calls, condolences + birthday wishes + Ramadan greetings.

I can’t ignore the irony. I am in no position to preach how a person should act in a similar social situation. I actually replied to those birthday wishes by “thanks, my grandpa passed away”. I know it was rude but I couldn’t find a better way. I really appreciated those who were socially smart and wished me a better year. I don’t mean that this year was a bad one, but what else could a one say in a birthday and a funeral!

Anyway, I thought that my 30th birthday was a really good joke and I shouldn’t be laughing at it alone.

And for you kids who aren’t 30 yet, don’t over plan! Because there will always be a factor that you can’t control. Whatever they teach you about planning in a pure myth. Planning is just organized dreaming because destiny will always be there. And always, always be ahead of things. Celebrate as early as you remember and apologize as soon as you do the mistake. Life is too short to wait for the right time.

And for those oldies above thirty, if you are still planning thinking you could beat destiny so you are hopeless. And if you are still waiting for the right time, congratulations you have wasted your life!

“Happy birthday, I am sorry for your loss and Ramadan Karim!”

Picture from: Gill's Blog


Anonymous said...

life .. it's allergic to perfect happiness.

but at the same time, it doesn't allow complete sadness as well :)

you had the chance to witness both traits at close; your perspective is very rich, and though you've aged 1 year, you've grown up 10 at least.

my mom died right before the feast, so I used to get condolences and greetings at the same time, it was ironic yes, but I got stronger and wiser.

I'm sure you'll become a better person for it .. and .. btw ..

we always survive .. do we not, :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss.. I really do hope you have a better decade.

marooned84 said...

u said it all!

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Ibhog
First Ramadan Karim. I agree, we always survive and life doesn't allow perfection. That's why only perfectionists suffer living.
Life is a big joke but only few have the insight to laugh at it. I just hope that my laughs at the irony of life is a sign of wisdom because from the looks in people's eyes it is more like a sign of insanity :)

Shimaa Gamal said...

Thank you so much. I really hope this year will be the start for a better decade :)
Enjoy Ramadan my dear

Shimaa Gamal said...

Mohamed, I am flattered :)

insomniac said...

ma3lesh habibty...

in my defense, you got a message for each!!

and i don't do ramadan greetings, too cliche for my uniquness and all....

back to you...

i told you before, milestones are big fat lie people invented to feel bad about themselves... so 30 means nothing... you're young and cute and you can have whatever plans you want just as long as you make sure you do them before things around you change :)

be well and enjoy ramadan, or at least try :)

Shimaa Gamal said...

Inso sweetie
Well, actually you were of the very 1st to know. So You were actually socially smart to follow my socially retarded reply, "thanks my grandpa died" with another message :)
Believe me, I think that it was God's way to ease the whole thing. You should have seen my cousin in the funeral saying "ma3lesh kol sana wenty tayeba" ... simply hilarious!

As for my plans, I guess being 30 isn't really as bad as I thought it will be. Actually the whole funeral/ birthday thing was enlighting.
I will try to get through with my plans before things change.

And Ramadan is making me sleepy :)) I miss my coffee :))

jessyz said...

El Baka2 le Allah

Happy birthday (belated) bas better late than never.

kochia said...

عزيزتي شيماء
اتاثرت اوي بمدونتك النهاردة بس اتبسطت انك كتبتني وعبرتي عن نفسك واللي جواكي ..
البقاء لله .. وهي دي الحياة زي ما بيقولوا
لا نملك للموتي الا الدعاء .. ولا نملك لانفسنا الا ان نسير وتسير بنا الحياة

ان شاء الله عيد ميلادك الجاي يبقي بداية لاسعد ايام حياتك

ومقدرش مقولش
كل سنة وانت طيبة وبكل خير

E N G Y said...

That's why I sent u a msg on ur mob and another one on facebook.
Didnt know how to say them both in 1 msg.
Enjoy ur 30 dear..Happy birthday over and over again!

Mohaly said...

Mabrouk for the 30 :))
Enjoy it to the full.

Shimaa Gamal said...

Jessy, wa ne3ma bellah.
And sure better late than never. Thanks dear :)

و إنت طيبة ، و فعلاً هى دى الدنيا
ياريت ما تختفيش تانى علشان بتوحشينا و نتاوى كمان وحشنا قوى

Thanks honey, and I was really smart starting the celebrations ahead this year :) And isa there will be many birthdays to come I will just ask my family to stop dying around it :)

Thank you, it isn't really as bas as I expected 30 to be :) I will do my best to enjoy

Noly said...

Shi ya Shi:

I know it's too late to comment now on this post bas enty 3rfa sa7betek naw3an ma mastola :) I have just seen it now.
Because we spoke before on that, I'd rather look to it with another perspective. Althought I know that it was hard for you ya Shi to start your Birthday with such bad circumstances, but without it you wouldn't think and wrote such a wonderful post.
During our trip with life lazm lazm ye7sal el 7agat dy w lazm tb2a f wa2t mohm zay dah w 3ala fekra dah ely by5alena ba3d keda stronger than ever ever before w wiser as well.
The harder the situation is, the stronger and wiser you will be afterwards ya Shi :).
Shi keda keda death is one of the most certain facts in our life w keda keda haye7sal to the closest people to our hearts and even to us one day, but here for you at least when it happened it learnt you a precious lesson.
bosy ya Shi yemkn ba3d kol el raghy ely katabto dah 7asa bardo eny msh 3rfa awasl leky ely ana 3yzah bas ya3ny I hope eny akon o2lt ay 7aga to spare you 3an ay haga kowayesa bardo :). ba2olk eh ana aklmk a7sn 3shan a3rf a3abar :).
w ba3den 3ady ya Shi kolna laha 3andek ana masln kan el nas btegy te2ol lya congratulations while others are supporting me with saying m3lsh ya Noha rabna ye3awadek bel a7san w both of them at the same time :) 3ady bte7sal f a7san el 3a2elat :) bas I became stronger aw ya3ny trying to convience myself that I became that one :).
cheer up ya Shi w look forward to your new year ya cute girl enty ;) w ISA this year make all ur wishes and dreams come true w yeb2a feh kman Noha el soghayara :D ;)

P.S 1: 3ala fekra never call your writings non sense tany coz it's really not that, you wrote here ( don't over plan w beating destiny) ana law kont a2ret dol a2bl ma abtedy mawdo3y ely fat dah kan zmany msh 3mlt 7agat kter makansh lazm a3mlha mn el a2wl.

P.S 2: ana katabt kter a2wyy :D yala ay 5edma katabt comment ad el 13 ely fato kolhom :D raghaya a2wy ana :D.

Nerro said...

C'est la vie ya Shimaa...el bakaa lelah.
As for the 30..fa enjoy it comes with certain assertiveness keda, that makes you always feel positive and charged. Kaman don't forget that women blossom on their 30s ya3ni.

Shimaa Gamal said...

Noly ya Noly
Actually I should start by confessing that my grandpa's death was God's way not to let me drifted by my regular birthday blues.

I usually get depressed around my birthday. It is the time when I evaluate what I have done over the year, and what I have learnt. And I am always seeing that I could have done better.

Death is awakening. It is the one thing that makes the person stop and reflect on what really matters.

What matters wasn't in my mind when I was so busy preparing to fall in the birthday blues hole.

I agree such situations toughen us.
I was put in the same situation of being congratulated on an engagement after being broken up :)

It was actually as funny as being wished a happy birthday and condolences in the same time.

The funniest ba2a en that engagment and break up thing was right before my graduation party. fa el mawdoo3 kan mix mn elly 2albek ye7eboh. People aslan may3arfoosh eny etkhatabt bey2ablo nas ye3rfo bas lessa may3rafosh en el mawdoo3 etfashekl. fa yego ye2ololy mabrook and then I have to tell them en el mawdoo3 bekh, fa they get curious to know the details :)
Given ba2a eny was way too social in college fa I had to re-tell the story like 100 times :)

ya benty yama hay7sal. el mohem bas en kol lama 7aga te7sal rabena yedeena el ability to see the irony and laugh on it. The whole lesson is in spotting the irony. Life is ironic. It is ironic because we all know it is fake yet we all take it too serious :)
We will all die, but death seems to always get us by surprise.

shofteeny wana ra3'aya :)

Shimaa Gamal said...

First menwarany :)
Second wa ne3ma bellah

And it seems fe3lan en women blossom in thier 30's. I just hope en dah maykonsh keda zay sa7wet el mot :)
asl el warda abl ma temoot betfata7 we betkoon fi a7la shakl :))