That Man

It was spring. Spring isn’t my favorite season. It is the season of dust and hint of hot summer.

It wasn’t meant to be but a virtual “thoughts only” relationship, but then it happened.

I remember that day when I said that he makes me laugh.

I remember a day when something he wrote got engraved in my mind.

I remember when I decided to break the ice and indirectly asked him whether or not he was married.

I remember how one day he asked me out.

I remember how he came on so strong, it was borderline intimidating.

I remember him pulling away, and I remember how I started panicking.

I remember our first date.

I remember how excited I felt. I remember telling Sameh about the excitement and fear.

I remember how I felt after that date.

I remember how I said it was the happiest day in my life. My heart was about to explode.

I remember how he pulled away later.

I remember what I told him.

I remember how he got back.

I remember the 1^st time he kissed me.

I remember how he walked away again

I remember the tears, the heavy days.

I remember how he got back again.

I remember how he said that he didn’t leave me. That he was there but life sometimes is heavy.

I remember his promise that he will never leave.

I remember the last time we met, and how it felt like it is something that we might be doing for the rest of our lives.

I remember how it felt watching him pulling away. And how it felt trying to pretend it was ok.

I remember trying to give him the talk but holding back

I remember when I finally grew some balls and asked him.

I remember his answer … we can’t be but friends, this is the only way for it to work.

I remember the texts he ignored, the emails he never read, and the calls he never returned.

I just don’t remember when did I fall in love with him.