It is all personal after all

In case you have been stranded on a deserted island on the last two weeks I would like to inform you that we are having a revolution in Egypt. A revolution that even those who called for it never believed it will work. It worked, the revolution managed to outcast the Egyptian president. And Egypt, the country I have always known will never be the same.

Let’s first agree on one thing. I was never high on revolutions the same way wars never thrill me. The idea of people dying is terrifying for me and I believe should be avoided at any cost. I don’t mind if I died, I mind if someone else had to die for me to live. I can’t live with the guilt. It is that simple, I am a person who takes risks but never put others at risk.

If you recall my La Revolution en Rouge I voiced my worries of where my beloved country is heading. I was worried of the level of tension I was feeling everywhere and how it could explode for the silliest reasons, even just a football match.

The revolution happened. And I am still not high on revolutions. I know that right now I will instantly be labeled as a traitor by many. My friends are already looking at me suspiciously because, honestly, it is even too hard for me to grasp right now how I can be pro reform yet not high and excited about the revolution.

It really puzzles me. And for the 1^st time I am here facing my own complexities 1^st hand. For the 1^st time I get to handle my pragmatism against my romanticism. The concept of revolution is in core a romantic concept. Knocking down the walls of the possible to get to the promising unknown is such an overwhelming inspirational idea.

Challenging all what’s known for the good of the unknown. To fight for the right you believe in till you either die or win. This is what revolutions are all about and this is what my life was really all about or at least so I believed. I don’t give in to things that I don’t believe in. I do what I believe is right regardless how wrong others think it is. I have a long record of risk. I didn’t change, I agreed on the goal. I never denied how bad things are, I was even mocked by many for still believing in the country. I wrote this in the time no one really saw me standing on a solid ground.

Then it was Tunisia and I started getting really worried because for the 1^st time I knew that exploding is near. I smelled it and I wasn’t excited, on the contrary and for my personal surprise for the 1^st time in my whole life I wish I had a microphone to go in the streets of Egypt and beg people not to go in these demos. I wanted to go in the streets of Egypt and tell the Egyptian government to step down and start seeing how the levels of tension really are.

One more time I was helpless. It is ok to be helpless on the personal level. But I felt personally responsible for everything that will happen to this country.

I felt responsible and I still feel responsible and I am frozen by the responsibility.

I know it is crazy to feel responsible for a whole country in the time I am just an insignificant individual with a very faint voice. But this is how I feel; this is how I have been feeling since I said my very 1^st prayer for Tunisians. I feel responsible for everyone and everything in Egypt and I feel helpless because I can’t do anything about it.

A day before the jan25 protests started I commented on something a friend shared on facebook that I am a control freak. I can’t be excited about these protests for they are not under my control and no one can tell the results. And as the days went on I was proven right about lots of things. And I keep saying that we are just getting started. Right now, we have a military junta ruling the country, no constitution, the people say they gained their dignity back but they have done this on the expense of the state. Right now, the biggest threat on the Egyptian national security is the Egyptian streets and the army is everywhere.

Sure people will laugh if I said that this is chaotic and will say that it is ok and things are going smooth but then I will have to differ and say that right now there is no state in Egypt which makes all scenarios possible. No one could tell if things are going to stabilize or just set on fire again. No one could ever tell, because right now a 7000 yrs old country is on her knees. And I feel personally responsible for this.

And I can't solve this. I can't undo those people who died. I can't undo the lots of things that happened and added up to lead to the overwhelming surprise of people taking over Tahrir (liberation) square. I can't guarantee that all the bad scenarios running in my head won't end up true. And this is torturing me.

My 7000 years old love is on her knees and somehow this is all my fault.

But ... He is just not that into you!

I am reading "He is just not that into you". And the book is hilarious but painful because the joke though so funny but it is on me. I have been sharing quotes and I will be sharing more quotes. But there is a certain quote that I’d rather share again here along the comment I got from one of my friends. Then I have a little comment on that comment. This could be added to what I have written here before.

The quote was:

I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves—we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of—and I say this with a lot of love—is how not attracted to you he is!

– He is just not that into you

My friend commented:

Stop reading this boookkkk :) :)

Well women should really see the positive side.

1) The guy lied to her to not make her feel bad so he cares

2) God saved her from getting into a forced relation

3) She got to keep the guy around and hunt for another one.

And because I am still under the influence of the book and the idea that led me to write the inevitable post I can’t see anything positive in that.

1- Because when the guy uses the “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” card he cares but not really about the girl. He cares more about his loss of her company. Guys get lonely too, and girl friends are good cushion till they find the girl of their dreams. Girl friends are as good as girlfriends but with no sex unless off course the guy managed to talk her into friends with benefits. And this is a completely different story. The point is, he cares but not only for the girl. He cares for himself more.

2- There is nothing like a forced relationship. Off course the friend who would care too much about the feelings of his poor girl friend might give in to her pressure. Which is rare, no man would give in to pressure to be in a relationship but let’s play along. Let’s assume he will be drunk, sedated or desperate and will give her a chance. He is still won’t be into her and he will still get out of that relationship. It won’t happen until he wants it.

3- Getting to keep the guy around isn’t really a positive thing. It is emotionally draining. It could work for a man, because that’s what men do. But it won’t work for a girl because she won’t be able to hunt for a new guy as long as she wants that guy. Her hunt is over. Unlike men who keep hunting for preys by instinct whether or not they are in a relationship.

The thing that most men forget is that women take time to decide. Unlike men who decide from the 1^st 10 minutes in a date whether or not they want a relationship with that person. It takes women a while to decide. Unless the guy is so off, a woman needs a couple of dates to decide and even after that she will keep asking around her girl friends whether or not the guy ticked enough items on the good guy list. It will take a woman a significant amount of time to know that it is ok to be with a certain guy. It takes a woman, with history, a significant amount of time to take down the guards and trust.

That’s why the whole falling for friends thing. Because the woman has enough time to test, re-test and see things with the guy. They probably have lots in common that’s why they became friends in the 1^st place. Unlike the guys women usually fall for who are completely appalling. And friends are safe to be around, that sense of safety contributes to the falling to the friend syndrome.

But then comes the challenge, should a woman stick to the friend after he plays the relationship would ruin our friendship card or should she simply cut him off.

This is the real question that most women face at a certain moment of their life. Should she play along and see the positive side my friend listed in his comment or should she walk away. Because the truth is, she lost the friend anyway.

Didn’t I tell you before, it is Inevitable!

Abracadabra

So each of us is like a magician, with a bag of tricks. You meet a person and you start pulling one trick after the other, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. But once in a while you meet one person and all your tricks fail.

And you are left with the question will your tricks ever work on anyone again.

Once in a while you meet the one person who shakes your belief in your own magic. And you find yourself holding back from doing the one thing you know how to do because you are not sure it will ever work again.

Just a thought

I have been failed a lot by many people in my life.

Some intentionally failed me, and some didn't really mean it.


I wonder who I might be failing now ...

4 years and counting

It's been 4 years since I posted my very first Hello World here.

Hello again :)

Nice to meet you world :)

Dear (Insert a long list here)

Because sometimes you are completely out of words and a gesture is worth a thousand of them ...

A Perfect Triangle

He is my soul-mate

I am not his ... She is!

X & Y – An Unlikely Scenario

X (Narrating) : It was a completely out of character move for both of us. It just happened. As wrong as it might sound but I think it was supposed to happen long time ago.

Yes, we are together now and, again, as wrong as this might sound. It is the best-est thing I, we, did in a while.

Y (Narrating): I watch him sleep. We sure make love and everything. We watch television, we discuss books and he handles my pillow thoughts first hand. But the best part is when he fall asleep right beside me and I just watch him sleep.

Yes, we are together now. It just happened. And as wrong as it might sound it is just the best-est thing I, he, did in a life-time.

Who cares about tomorrow, we are living in the now. I watch him sleep and this is all what matters.

Thursday Thoughts: People are like Shoes!

This is part of Jessy’s brilliant initiative for sharing random thoughts on Thursday. She is hostinga blog link party each Thursday on her blog. Keep the thoughts going!

Here is the thought, people are just like shoes. Some of them are pretty and you love them instantly but will torture you every time you wear them. Some of them are comfy but don’t always look good. Some of them are just ok. You wear them as you need them. And only one every once in a while prove to be the perfect pair. It looks good, feels good and goes with almost everything you wear.

Find that pair!

Thursday's Thought - The Future of Computers

This post is part of Jessy's Blog Link Party. Spread the word, spread the thoughts.

Remember the movie 2010? Growing up it was one of the sci-fi movies promising lots of technological miracles in the 21^st century. I still remember that talking computer Hal, and how it knew who is using it and was able of carrying rational conversation. This doesn’t surprise me now. Computers can talk, and can tell who is using them by lots of means now. What surprises me that the 21^st century is here and we don’t have human like robots with emotions as depicted in many sci-fi prophecies. Instead of having the slave robots, we got a telecommunications revolution. Maybe we didn’t get the holograms that make us almost touch our loved ones who live on other planets. But we can video chat with our loved ones across the ocean. We can cut time and distance and enjoy things our parents didn’t dare to dream of doing when they were our age.

But it always makes me wonder, what’s next? Telecommunications made the “where” almost irrelevant. Maybe now it is time to beat the “when”. We overcame distance and location but we still have the problem of time. If the next step managed to overcome time, this is will be a huge leap for humanity. I can’t even imagine how life would be if time was a factor that you can beat.

I can’t wait till the ease of human interactions on the internet finds its way to real life. Imagine being able to search your memory with a human google application or to socially interact with people as easy as you do on facebook.

Forget about robots, what do you think will be the next life changing technological revolution?