Dear Him
Did I break your heart?
December 06, 2015
December 02, 2015
Deadlocks!
He once said that I never really tried to know who he really was and I settled for falling in love with what I have imagined him to be.
What he said was harsh, yet true. I never really knew him. I knew enough of him though. I knew whatever he let me know. The "he let me know part" is arguable but that won't change the fact that he was right. In part I was in love with my imagination of him.
This fact leads us to another fact that he won't probably admit. He too never cared to know me. I could dare to say he never even tried. He too knew enough of me. He knew enough not to love me, he knew enough not to care to know more about me, or maybe he knew enough to stir the relationship exactly where he wanted it to be. I will never know what he knew about me or what he really had in mind because I never really knew who he really is.
A deadlock?
A repeated deadlock!
What he said, how I feel and how it ended is the story of my life.
No one really cares to know me, and I never really know anything more than what they let me know. I end up loving the imagination of them, they walk away, I never really know why they did ... and I repeat.
What he said was harsh, yet true. I never really knew him. I knew enough of him though. I knew whatever he let me know. The "he let me know part" is arguable but that won't change the fact that he was right. In part I was in love with my imagination of him.
This fact leads us to another fact that he won't probably admit. He too never cared to know me. I could dare to say he never even tried. He too knew enough of me. He knew enough not to love me, he knew enough not to care to know more about me, or maybe he knew enough to stir the relationship exactly where he wanted it to be. I will never know what he knew about me or what he really had in mind because I never really knew who he really is.
A deadlock?
A repeated deadlock!
What he said, how I feel and how it ended is the story of my life.
No one really cares to know me, and I never really know anything more than what they let me know. I end up loving the imagination of them, they walk away, I never really know why they did ... and I repeat.
November 26, 2015
November 25, 2015
November 21, 2015
November 15, 2015
Random Messages - 9
I eventually win.
I know that all what I ever needed was to wait, work a little harder and wait again.
It always worked. Yet by the time I eventually win I am usually way too exhausted.
By the time I get the things I worked too hard to get and waited to long to see, I don't really have the energy to enjoy neither them nor the joy of accomplishment.
Yet, I keep doing it.
I will always win, regardless how irrelevant it will eventually be.
November 14, 2015
Random Messages - 8
He makes me feel young and capable.
And this is sad in ways that shouldn't be explained.
November 05, 2015
November 04, 2015
Random Messages - 6
Dear Him,
I love you. Yet I know it is never going to work.
And you know what, it is totally ok.
I love you, It isn't going to work and I am ok with it. I hope you too are!
I love you. Yet I know it is never going to work.
And you know what, it is totally ok.
I love you, It isn't going to work and I am ok with it. I hope you too are!
October 31, 2015
Random Messages - 5
I am just lonely. It has become the new norm.
It is just like a huge monster is crushing my heart mercilessly.
I keep breathing. I keep doing what I always do. I keep looking around for friends, I keep writing, I keep making a fool of myself, I keep begging for things I know no one wants to give me, and I keep getting shut off.
I am at a point where I don't know exactly what's crushing my heart more, loneliness or the constant rejection. I don't know which is worse, having things to say & no one to listen to, or just pouring those things in random ears anyway.
I am lonely .. I miss having someone to talk with. I miss having someone who listens to my crazy ideas, someone who will listen to the same old story till I get to the new moral.
I am lonely .. and I don't really know how to undo this.
It is just like a huge monster is crushing my heart mercilessly.
I keep breathing. I keep doing what I always do. I keep looking around for friends, I keep writing, I keep making a fool of myself, I keep begging for things I know no one wants to give me, and I keep getting shut off.
I am at a point where I don't know exactly what's crushing my heart more, loneliness or the constant rejection. I don't know which is worse, having things to say & no one to listen to, or just pouring those things in random ears anyway.
I am lonely .. I miss having someone to talk with. I miss having someone who listens to my crazy ideas, someone who will listen to the same old story till I get to the new moral.
I am lonely .. and I don't really know how to undo this.
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