No Thanks!

Confessions - 3

It is not only that I can't see me in 5 or 10 years from now. It is that I can't see me 10 days from now. I am that messed up.

Adieu mon pays

Right now, all what I can think of is how a certain person smells like. You know how it feels when you have this constant headache that you know will go only if you sniffed a cup of coffee, fresh bread or even took a deep breath in a rainy day.

It is not really a headache; it is a torturing craving for something that can’t be easily fulfilled. It is not easily fulfilled because I wish it was just the smell of coffee that I am craving. But I am craving a smell of a person who isn’t physically around. And the only way to get this fixed is to find a way to transfer smells over the internet.

I hate packing. Well, I don’t really hate packing. I hate how the idea of travel starts a compulsive behavior of washing everything in sight. It is really time consuming super exhausting. But I just can’t stop. Because all what I can think of is how I will get back to find home. And you know what, the moment I am back home, I start a process of unpacking and washing everything in sight. I think one day I should do something about that cleaning compulsive behavior.

Actually not only travel sets it off, stress in general. If someone died for example I start washing things too.

Life, people, would have been different if we lived every day as if there is no tomorrow. The concept of tomorrow is ruining our lives. Because we know there is a tomorrow, and regardless we know that there is no guarantee, yet we act as if it is granted. And instead of making use of today and say what we should be saying and do what we feel like doing, we wait. And there is no point of waiting. Whatever that didn’t happen today won’t be happening tomorrow. And if it did, we will regret it anyway.

The thing is, the concept of no tomorrow could ruin our lives in many ways too. But this is a long story and I have a plan to catch in few hours. I am going back to visit the sacred valley. I am not that excited and this too is another long story to be added to the many things that I have been keeping inside.

Right now, all what I can think of is a smell that I never smelled before yet I know is exactly what I need.

I will pray for you all, and I will miss you all.

Actually, I am missing you already.

à toute à l'heure

What's on the cards?

I got this in an astrology report. I don't really believe in such things. Yet I found this so refreshing and fun to share.

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This aspect signifies that you just plainly love each other. The attraction is so strong between you that even though you may be incompatible by other standards, you still feel like being with your partner because of that love you feel for them. It's not that they won't occasionally drive you nuts - they will. It's just that the bottom line is that there is real love between you and there is no stronger emotion in the universe.

By being together you can create beauty and form as well as appreciate art and music.

With this configuration, no matter what difficulties come along to challenge you, you will always feel a need and desire to make peace, reconcile and create harmony and cooperation in your relationship. This aspect offers a great stability that will keep you from turning against each other, unless the obstacles become totally overwhelming.

A great deal of time and effort can be put into social activities and if you are involved in creative ventures together, then this aspect adds support and form to your ideas.

Jupiter brings substantial advantage, growth, progress, success and increase into your lives. Good fortune, achievement and blessings will arrive in ways that cannot be measured, simply by your being together. It can never be said that you want for anything with this aspect and, instead of limitations being placed upon you, opportunities never imagined will now come your way. Higher thoughts of expression and philosophical and religious pursuits may become part of your daily life. Expanding your education or beliefs can now be possible.

You make each other happy just by being together and the world becomes a much more satisfying place for you because of your togetherness. Travel, especially the long distance kind, or connections to people of different cultures may also play an important part in your lives.

As a couple you will enjoy popularity and any legal matters that happen to arise will probably be settled much more in your favor with benefic Jupiter here.

This is perhaps a relationship that arrived out of the blue, when neither one of you was looking for it. If you are looking for a stable and comfortable relationship, then forget that and either get used to an unsettled, rattled, disruptive and disoriented lifestyle or don't stick around at all! You will either find this relationship to be liberating and eye-opening or it will scare the pants off you both.

You may find the unconventionality and unpredictability of this relationship too much for you to handle, but you can count on one thing. It will serve to open you up to experiences you have never before considered. Traditional ideas go right out the window with this aspect. Endless challenges will make stability between you impossible. Just as the situation starts to stabilize, another event occurs to rock you off your foundation.

Several things are for sure. Your relationship will be full of surprises, it will be totally unpredictable and ever-changing and it will probably never be peaceful and totally secure. If you are looking for some adventure and can change with the moving scenery, then this relationship can be downright exciting. You may very well run into problems with the people in your community who see you as rebels, troublemakers and as potential threats to their peace and security. On the other hand, any challenges from your community or from the people outside your relationship can help to cement a bond between you, thus drawing you closer together.

A wild affair, a liberating experience, a walk on the wild side, a break from boredom, a refreshing change or way too hot to handle -your relationship can be any or all of these.

I Wish I Can Say ...

You know, I have something for bastards. And that feeling I have, just makes you one!

Right now, you are my problem.

The Royal Tiara Tag

Name who asked you to play this:

Lendmeurear, Jessy and Sina

Mention six secrets nobody can uncover about you when meeting you for the first time.

1- I love bubbles a lot.

2- I judge, mostly my feelings about a person are right yet I give everyone the benefit of doubt

3- When in doubt, I giggle

4- I think too much about whether I am boring my company or not.

5- I don’t know the right amount of “thank you”s to show appreciation, so I am either over doing it or simply seeming ungrateful.

6- I take everything seriously, which give people a good chance to work me.

Pass this on to 6 bloggers, mentioning their names along with their links.

Though everyone tagged everyone, I tag

1. Noblese
2. ibhog
3. Nerro
4. Juka
5. Injis
6. Mermaid

. . .

I feel like fighting with someone. I want to fight. I have all these things that I want to say but I simply can’t. I can’t even talk about it with anyone I know. In simple words I am defeated and I have no energy to address the wounds.

If it was up to me, I would have died. If it was up to me I would have vanished. If it was up to me I would have stopped the time because I don’t think I can take whatever is coming my way.

But it is not up to me. It was never up to me. I can’t stop time, I can’t vanish and I can’t choose to die. So here I wait with my wounds for more to come my way.

Here I wait patiently because patience is the only thing I can.

It's Now or Never

That was supposed to be easy. I remember how easy it was to just write. I remember that I even had the guts to write about my lack of ideas. Now, it is the hardest I could ever do. And it isn’t that I am lacking ideas. As a matter of fact my head is too full that I am suffering from headaches that I try to kill with food but then they grow bigger because food makes everything big from your hips to your headaches.

So where should I begin. Should I begin with the inevitable talk about the Egyptian sociopolitical scene? Should I tell everyone to take a deep breath and stop playing neutral because no one really is? Should I plainly state that the Egyptian problem lies in having a population with ideas that are on the extreme left of things in the time ruled by an almost extreme right elites. And if there is any chance for Egypt to get out of the absurdity trap it will be for people like me (and you who are reading this) to start taking real sides instead of playing middle of the way cards. Because the painful truth is, no one is really on the middle of the way.

Each of us is slightly tilted to a side and that’s exactly what will make a difference. So, for instance, if you are pro free market be pro free market and for God’s sake stop talking about massive government intervention in economy. If you are pro controlled market please stop your regular visits to the hyper market because this consuming behavior and the unlimited choices the hyper market is offering are against your beliefs!

Or should I begin by explaining where Egypt was economic wise and where it is now? Should I start analyzing the Mubarak era or should I wait till after the next elections. Should I defend him in the time everyone seems to attack him or should I join the opposition forces? Should I even start by how lame the Egyptian opposition is!

But no, I don’t think politics is something that I should start with. Politics is boring, who would want to read another Egyptian analyzing Egypt?!

And this is exactly why writing is becoming harder. Writing is my thing. It’s been my thing since I learned how to put words into a sentence. Before that talking was my thing. Which I still believe is my thing, regardless the occasional stutter, and that I would make a great lecturer if only I could only lecture educated people who are extremely interested in listening to my views.

So, before creating this blog I almost begged people to read me, and I still occasionally do. But after a while from having this blog I started having absolutely random people interested in whatever I write. I started having friends because of that nonsense I write, people who shared the same views or even not. People who thought I am worth knowing in person because of whatever I write.

The feeling that a complete stranger finds you genuinely interesting because of your thoughts is one of the best feelings that a person can ever feel. It is flattering in every possible way. It mends lots of the tears in self confidence. Yet though that good, it is pressuring in a way.

Honestly, I don’t want to bore you. I know I am repeating myself and I know that you have assured me over and over that whatever those people who ever dared to call me shallow or call me too deep are wrong. And I know that I know that these two persons actually contradicted one another. I can’t be shallow using big words. Well, now as I write this I think I can! But I know that I shouldn’t let anything or anyone get in my way of doing the things I like.

After all, I am who I am. I can’t please everyone and if I miraculously managed to do, I won’t be able to do it all the time.

But I am an imperfect person looking for perfection. So rather than writing about change, choices, friendship, relationships, dreams, crushes, juggling, Cairo, exposure, love, children, provoking people, Islam, Egypt, things that make me cry, love(again), surrendering, rejection, hidden messages, alienation, religions, more X & Y unspoken conversations, people as means of entertainment, life, the “Shalabya” paradox and my most favorite topic of writing “Me”. Here I am wasting my and your time learning how to crawl after walking for more miles than I can count. All is because of my issues that I’d rather be writing about too.

The not writing state shouldn’t be a big deal. Just like a friend said today, it is something that I do for myself. So, if I don’t feel like doing it, I can simply stop. But it is that very reason, that writing is the one thing I do for myself is why it became a big deal. I am having a big void that needs to be addressed. I can’t say that I am lonely but I can say that the things that used to keep my life going have changed.

And because I hate uncontrolled change, and because I believe I should not just let go with the flow the least I should do is know where this flow is taking me. I did one of the corniest things this morning by giving myself today as the last chance (and made sure to set this as a FB status update) to either write or delete all my blogs (including the secret ones). And apparently I still give a sense of direction for the uncontrolled flow. At least I managed to post and the blog(s) are spared!

Expect more. (Oh now I remembered that “expectations” is another thing that I wanted to write about!)

And always remember to learn from your past mistakes. I just did, I looked for affirmation among my friends instead of an ex. which is the thing that tells a lot about how much I have changed. But this is another longer story that I will be writing about among the many things I will be writing about.

P.S.

I will be more than happy if you suggested which of the many points should I start with.

Seriously?!

About Me

Basic Info	Sex: Male Birthday: - Relationship Status: Married Interested In: Women Looking For: Friendship Dating A Relationship Random play Whatever I can get Current City: -
Bio	Always looking for a ONE who can understand me. Can I realy have a one ??