My Personal DNA

My personalDNA Report


You are a Dreamer

Your combination of abstract thinking, appreciation of beauty, and cautiousness makes you a DREAMER.

You often imagine how things could be better, and you have very specific visions of this different future.

Beauty and style are important to you, and you have a discerning eye when it comes to how things look.

Although you often think more broadly, you prefer comfort to adventure, choosing to stay within the boundaries of your current situation.

Your preferences for artistic works are very refined, although you vastly prefer some types and styles to others.

Though your dreams are quite vivid, you are cautious in following up on them.

You are aware of both your positive and negative qualities, so that your ego doesn't get in your way.

A sense of vulnerability sometimes holds you back, stifling your creative tendencies.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.
If you want to be different:


Your imagination is a wonderful asset, but don't just dream—be bold enough to take action and explore new things!

Consider a wider range of details and possibilities when thinking about the present and the future—don't be too set in your ways.

You are Generous

Your awareness of those around you, along with your nuanced perceptions of the world at large, makes you the GENEROUS person that you are.

You value time to yourself and understand how rich your private world can be—you know that you don't have to go wild to have a good time.


You are excited and energized by ideas and often enjoy things more through observation than through experience.

This tendency gives you an appreciation for different perspectives and opinions about the world.


Being as aware of others as you are doesn't mean you find it easy to trust them immediately—this is something that happens more slowly for you.


Despite this, you are aware of the complexities of many situations and are reluctant to pass judgments on others.

Although you have fewer friendships than some people, those that you have are meaningful and are important to you.

You value spending time alone—it is while reflecting on the world around you that you often learn something new about yourself or begin to understand something that's been bothering you.

If you want to be different:

Given how attuned you are to others' thoughts and feelings, you might find that trusting people more is a way to broaden your perspective even further.


While you know how much can be learned from observing the world around you, remember that much of life can be lived by experiencing it, not just by understanding it.

01-01-2009

It is a new year. I am still that very same person who won’t propose a toast for ends and new beginnings. I am a person who worships continuity and despise sudden changes. A new year isn’t really a sudden change. It is a change that most of us wish upon.

But this post isn’t about change. And apparently it isn’t about New Year. But it is sure about a toast. Today is Brad’s wedding. I am a person who would happily adapt the toast custom in Egyptian weddings. Yet again, I am not the type of person who would propose a toast to the lovely bride, or to a happily ever after life. I can’t propose a toast to love, not because I am not a believer but because it isn’t always enough.

If I am to propose a toast it will be to the journey, the road, and the company. May this New Year be the beginning of a wonderful journey, the first step on an endless road and the start for a scared companionship that’s cherished by both of you!

Happy New Year :)

Just out of Habit

It isn’t that I don’t have anything to write about that has been keeping me from writing. Actually I have plenty of thoughts to share. And it is not really that I can’t hunt the words to form a meaningful sentence because most of the things I posted here didn’t make any sense.
The thing is I am cornered in my old favorite “loser corner”. Simple incidents trigger infinite loops of, I don’t really know if this describes it well, “I am nothing”.

So, now you will get me when I tell you that the fact that I am feeling “I am nothing” is the major factor contributing for my reluctance to share my thought-less thoughts. you will understand that sharing ideas like maintaining lists of little things that might make my life happier or lists of the little silly things I pray God for or the last list of the people I think will cry me if I died, sounds so silly. Yet out of habit I just shared it anyway.

You will understand that I didn’t find it as cheerful to celebrate the second anniversary for the blog. I really wanted to do but I didn’t really know what to celebrate. Should I celebrate that I have been doing the same thing for the last two years without losing interest?! I can’t claim that I didn’t have multiple thoughts about taking a long break like what Fadfadation did or maybe disappear from the whole blogosphere like what Arima did.

I can’t claim that Brad’s words about how superficial my ideas are and how they lack depth really got to me. I can’t deny that his words got to me because I am really writing to be read. I am really writing to communicate certain things I have in mind. Though I have always believed that I have always been writing anyway but as my sweet brother pointed out. You have always been writing but as far as you are posting in a public blog you are no longer doing it for yourself.
So being superficial and boring as Brad pointed out is an enough reason for me to quit. I am a narcissist constantly moaning about her life, who would really like to read this?! I occasionally get outside that shell and start talking about the world. But yet again, I am writing about the world from my narcissist view. These are enough reasons for me to stop, but yet again out of habit here I am moaning about what I think and really not doing anything about it.

And again out of habit, I decided to take one more into my narcissist world and tell you why I believe you should do start your own lists of little things. You can’t even imagine how little the things that are really getting under your skin are. Juts by writing out the little things that if ever changed you will be happier. I discovered that things as little as a missing pair of shoes can really ruin my mood. You can’t imagine the amount of blessings you have until you start writing out the little things you pray for God for and how many times God granted your wish. I discovered that I pray for things as little as finding a taxi and things as big as getting back home safe because that taxi driver was carelessly driving. You won’t know how many people out there really love you unless you start writing the list of people you believe will cry you when you die. I discovered that I have people who will really cry me. I discovered that I am being loved. I discovered that even long after I will go I will still be remembered. And I discovered that this deserves more work. I discovered that I should invest more in certain relations and I discovered which relations that I have really over invested in. and though I stopped planning for new years and I am officially hope-less person yet this year I decided to start wishing for others. I decided to start wishing for those people I think will cry me if I died. I decided to start hoping for them as long as I can’t come up with something to hope for myself.
And just out of habit I have to say this, it is the seasons of wishing. So wish, wish, wish, may all your wishes come true.

Current Thought - Children

I never thought of having children. I am few months away from being thirty and it seems that my biological clock isn’t really working. I still didn’t get the urge of being a mother. And regardless how hard I try the longest time I can spend with a child is two hours.
Recently I have been spending more time around children. Nothing of my choice but it happens that most of the people I know got married and got kids. So their children became part of the package. The time I spend with my friends and their kids makes me appreciate my single status more.
I am not sure if I am a mother material, the same way I am not sure if I am a marriage material. I don’t know what makes a mother material. Motherhood is tricky on many levels. It starts way before getting married. I believe women should plan their motherhood early in their life. First by being healthy, we waste our health on many levels believing that our bodies belong to us. But the truth is, our bodies belong to our unborn children. Next comes choosing the father. Most women forget that factor while choosing a partner. We look for many things, we fall for different people and the least we think of is if they will ever be good fathers.
And when we eventually get married we just get pregnant because this is how things are done. Pregnancy is unplanned decision. There is even a common saying in Egypt, “that child was a mistake”. We are all children of mistakes. Our mothers and fathers never planned the time of having us. They just got us because this is how people get babies. Even after pregnancy the myths control the mother. A woman will probably believe old wives sayings rather than believing her doctor. A mother won’t put a delivery plan. The default option is natural delivery and a c-section only if there were complications. I rarely hear of women who opt for c-section because if it was her decision she would take lots of criticism.
When the baby is born, they would probably react as things occur. No one gets ready ahead. Out of the people I know only a couple invested some time reading about raising children and children psychology. Only few read about what to expect as their children grow. And only these few are the ones who thought of the principles they would raise their children on.
Only these few earned being mothers. The rest are those who give their children different complexes.
I am not sure if I will ever be a mother, I still didn’t plan it anyway. But if I ever to be a mother I think there is one thing that I want to teach my children. I want to teach them that anything isn’t right because everyone is doing it. An action can be wrong though it is widely accepted as right. I want to teach my children to believe in the right things they do even if they are the only ones who are doing it. I want to teach them the story of the little boy called Ibrahim who rejected the Gods his people worshiped and followed his instinct to truth.
I will teach them to stick to what they feel is right even if it was against my own beliefs.

What would you teach your children?

The Bucket List

Inso was right; I am too busy these days to log on. My sister is visiting after a whole year in Dubai. You can never imagine how long a year can be and how short a day is. But because I am addicted to the internet and consequently blogging and I really liked this tag here I am doing it.
This list is composed of things that I think I can never do, and things that I know I can. The list will start from number two because number one is something that I am going to tell Inso in private ;)

2- Breakfast in front of the Eiffel Tower

3- Meeting the city of Fog, walking in London’s rain and trying the unhealthy fish & chips.

4- Touring Italy and dating an Italian guy. Luca Toni is what I have in mind ;)

5- Exploring Africa. One thing I really envied Brad for was visiting Zambia. The stories he told me about the cruise he had or the safari were more than terrific. I really wished I was there (for the fun not the work) and I really hope I can explore the black continent. I want to see the rivers, the falls, the wild life and the people.

6- Eating some original cuscus and tajine :) yes, Morocco is on the list too and not only for the food. I have always found Morocco a charming place.

7- Discovering India. Not necessarily the food because there are rumors that real Indian food isn’t as good the Indian food we know but yet, India is a treasure and it seems that I am a treasure hunter. I want to buy a sari too ;)

8- Checking China out. I don’t think I can eat real Chinese food, but I really have to check on the people who were there when my ancestors, the ancient Egyptians, were there too.

9- Visiting Brazil to see why my aunt says that Brazilians believe God must have been Brazilian else why he created Brazil to be that pretty.

10- Diving in the great coral reef.

11- Touring the rest of the world as far as I have gone that far ;)

12 – Driving

13- Having my own place, something with a big kitchen and a little garden.

14- To find my destined path in life. Be it starting my own business, finishing my masters degree, or even finding a new passion. I would really like to just find that destined path.

15 – To leave a legacy, something good to be remembered for.


Actually this list could go forever, I never though that I would like to do all that traveling I have always thought I am not that much outgoing and traveling is an outgoing activity. I am also a believer that we only die when we are done doing things we really want to do that’s why I keep adding to the little things I look forward to. Dying young was never of my hopes.

I tag Haz and Noly as it seems that everyone has done that tag already but if you still didn’t consider yourself tagged.

Patience

I know it is kind of late but Haz posted something on Patience that I really wanted to share with you.

You can find it here

About the Carrot

Remember a couple of weeks ago I marked a day for cutting a finger while cutting a carrot because I was thinking of someone and something. I marked the day and didn’t really plan to talk about it.
It isn’t as serious as it sounds; I wasn’t drowned in a thought to the extent that I have forgotten the sharp knife in my hand. Actually I was aware of both the knife and the carrot. And the thought was supposed to be another silly thought but some how it led to rage, which led to me being unaware of the amount of pressure I am exerting on the knife hence the nasty cut.

He is a friend of mine, a dear friend of mine. Among my friends he is the newest, though I have known him for almost 3 years now. He is new compared to people I have known for at least 20 years yet he is dearest.
I wasn’t thinking of how he made it to my top friends list. I wasn’t actually thinking of him. I was thinking of something silly that I can’t remember and I thought of sharing it with him. I automatically grabbed my mobile phone to txt him and as I wrote that silly thing the thought crossed my mind. Things for the last 3 years have been going in the same way. I bug him and he keeps me company. I tease him and he keeps me company. I never stop being pushy and he never stops keeping me company.

I thought what if I was pushing my limits? What if I wasn’t but he suddenly became unavailable? What if he got married? What if things changed as it always do and I don’t have him to keep me company?

I don’t remember when I started depending on him that much. I know how we met, how this friendship was bonded but I don’t know when he became the most reliable line of defense. Maybe it is because the others, literally, fled away. They relocated to the four corners of the world. (I even doubt I have friends on other planets!) Or maybe it is because he has an eye for the unseen things. He always remembers little details, which is one of the things that made him win many parts in my heart that many people couldn’t. Actually he won those many parts of my heart by many things not only by having an eye for details but mainly because he is flawless. He is a little bit stubborn but this was never a flaw.
It might be a logical thing to depend on a flawless person, but depending on him wasn’t really the thought that led to the scar on my thumb.

It was the thought that I might be abusing my friend by this dependence what made me furious. And it was the thought that he is too polite to ask me to stop that made my mind freeze.
I put the phone down in a try to stop abusing my friend and I got back to the kitchen to finish dicing my carrots. But it seems that I couldn’t control my anger as I controlled my silliness, even if temporarily, hence the injured finger.

On Being a Sister!!

This picture represents me, my sister and my brother. My sister always said that she is pooh, I am Eeyore ang my brother Tigger. I couldn’t find a better family picture!!

Life is a bitch. that was how the infamous Mr. HH commented on my feelings. For those who don’t know my brother’s best friend died last Thursday. He was only 23 years old. He didn’t die out of illness or out of natural causes. He was killed in combat with a drug dealer. He was a police officer. He died bravely leaving behind him lots of people wondering about many things.

I believe that his death is a test for many of us who knew him, a test of faith. Such incidents test the core of the faith. Unfortunately most of us occasionally fail such tests. Only few really thankfully accept God’s will.

From where I see things I believe that Mr. HH’s comment is a failure to that test. We are not supposed to blame life because life has nothing to do with it. Life isn’t really guilty of his death, actually life isn’t guilty of any one’s death and life isn’t guilty of any of the bad things that occur. The same way it is not the cause of any of the good things that happen to us.

Life in my belief is just another creature, just a medium God created to test us. Only God is capable of life and death. Only God gives. And whatever God gives us is good. Even what we think is bad is only for our own good. We fail when we fail to believe that we are just creatures of God. He created us so that we worship him. And to worship him we should always praise him in all cases, in better and in worse.

My feelings weren’t only about the loss of someone I have always looked at as younger brother. Some how I managed to praise God, pray, cry and pray again. Some how I managed saying “see you”. He isn’t gone as people might think. He is just some where we can’t directly communicate. Actually, another thing that I don’t tell people, in my belief life is just a dream. Nothing is really real. The real life is the after life, and God said that when we will be asked how much did we live; we will all answer a day or some of a day. And when we will be asked how much we have been dead, we will give the same answer. Time is something that we only feel because we live in this medium called life. Once it ends, we won’t even remember what time was. So, we will all be meeting him (and all our beloved ones) soon regardless how long this dream will take us.

My feelings were also about how I functioned or, if that matter malfunctioned as a sister. For those who don’t know, I have lost my mother to cancer in 1994. So since that I have always liked to view myself as the good elder sister. It seems that Sameh was right pointing out some narcissist deficiencies in my character because that belief has been proved wrong last Thursday. Actually, it wasn’t only what happened last Thursday that proved that I am not the good sister I have always wanted to be and thought I am. It was just the straw that broke the Camel’s back.

My relation with my brother is strong. Or at least I believe it is. I love him like crazy and he loves me back. When mom died he was just that little boy. Actually my failure to function as an elder sister started that day. I remember that we were staying at my grandma’s. We were sleeping on the same bed, and I woke up on my aunts discussing if I am old enough to go attend the funeral and the burial and everything. I slightly opened my eyes, I saw one of my aunts all in black and the other still holding me thinking I am asleep and fighting with the one in black that we are too young for this and she’s better be gone before we wake up. Actually I believe that my nerves of steel started developing that day. I kept pretending that I am asleep, and I didn’t move till I felt that my little brother is moving only then I got up and my aunts told us you mother is dead.

So, what would you expect the one who thinks of herself a good elder sister to do? Guess what?! I shouted at the little in shock boy telling him, mom died. Don’t cry, we are not supposed to cry because God will punish her if we did. I didn’t hold him though I wanted, but I didn’t cry too. I maintained my nerves of steel, I don’t even remember if I ever took care of him. I didn’t know how to show him love because I thought it would be silly. And honestly I didn’t know if my nerves of steel would have survived any emotional move.

Life went on in the last 14 years, I remember one night we were out in a walk and I discovered that I am not holding the hands of a little boy anymore. And that he has become a man. And that he isn’t depending on me and I am the one who is really depending on him.

I can’t claim that I have contributed by any means in that change, unless feeding him counts. And he was going to be fed anyways. So, I can’t claim that I have supported him. It maybe something related to the fact that I don’t keep memories (good or bad. But I certainly remember that I was all bossy and that I could have been a better sister. I could have strengthened our relation. I would have insisted to be his friend, but I was busy being bossy and thinking of maintaining a house an enough job. But the truth is when I failed being his friend I counted on others to be. I counted on his bond with my sister and I counted on his friends (among them the one who died). I counted on others to take care of my brother thinking that I am doing a good job.

And now, when his friend died I added one more failure to my list of failures. I kept waiting for him all day planning to give him a hug, or at least try to show support & love. When he finally returned back home, I again thought it would be silly doing it. And again I acted the same way I acted when my mother died. I acted as if nothing happened.

He is acting strong, out of faith and out of being him. But I can’t stop blaming myself from not supporting my brother in such a situation. Actually the real problem is, I didn’t really know what to do to support him. I never knew, and I think I would never know. I am just a bad sister who has been thinking she was a good one.

I just love him too much. I love him more than anything in this world.

But who said love is enough?!

Bastards Live

Ever thought of counting your blessings? What are the things you are thankful for, Health, Mind, Family or is it Wealth?
Will you ever sacrifice your life for any of these? Would you really take a bullet for your brother? Could really die defending your family? Would you really put your life on stake for anyone else?

He just did.

He was only 24 yrs with future supposed to be ahead of him. He took a bullet for me, you and everyone else.

He died so that we can sleep tight at night, so we can fall in love, make babies, and enjoy health, wealth and long age.

He died to give us a safer place to live. And you know what. He died and I don’t feel safe anymore.

Today is just another day, a good man died and a bastard lived

P.S.
بابا قال إن أهل الجنة مكتوبلهم يموتوا على إيد أهل النار و لو كان فى عزاء فى موته فهو إنه شهيد ، و إنه طلبها و نالها و لكن بالله عليكم اللى يقرأ خبر إستشهاد ضابط شرطة فى حملة على تجار المخدرات يدعيله .لإنه يستحق كل الدعوات الطيبة و كل الخير و يدعى لأهله بالصبر على القضاء
إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون

Political Buzzes - And The Winner Is?!!!

I want a democrate in the white house, I admit I was naive as everyone else 8 yrs ago and prayed Bush. I bet that 8 years later I might admit that I was wrong hoping for a democrate in the this election. But I just can't help it, I love the guy.

If I can vote, I would have voted Obama. I would have voted for the change even if this change is just more destruction ...