Soreness

I like a guy, which isn’t news. I am single, I have been single for so long. I have been juggling “rebounds” or maybe “hopes” of decent relationships.

But this time, I could tell that I like a guy. I like the chemistry we have and I like the worlds he shows me in every conversation we have.

Yet … I am not going to follow through.

Usually, at this stage when the guy seems so appealing I would make sure he knows I am interested. And later on, I’d try to take it further.

But this time I am not going to do. I am enjoying the safety of liking from a far.

Why?

Don’t mistake this for wisdom. It is pure lack of confidence.

I don’t think I have what it gets to get the guy interested/ keep him interested.

I have put on weight, I am still being called hottie but I feel fat. I have been fighting acne for years. I am a no one. I am 35 with no brilliant career and no clear “future”.

How is that supposed to be attractive?

And this is how sore defeat is.