Youth Long Gone

I am supposed to be in a stable relationship yet sometimes I can't help but miss one or two of my ex-boyfriends.

whom do I miss?

I miss HH the most. I miss the effort he used to put to get to me. I miss the many times he got out of his way just to drive me to places. How he never turned me down whenever I asked for help. 

I miss how it was ok to just call him crying and complaining of things. 

I also miss MMIB, I miss every single detail of our relationship. I miss our routine. I miss how he used to be jealous. I miss how we never ran out of conversation. 

The truth is I miss them too much, and I don't know whether I really miss them or I am just longing for youth long gone. 

Maybe I just miss being hopeful with life ahead of me.

Maybe I miss the time when it was ok to have expectations from a man. 

I am not sure why I am missing them. But I deeply miss my ex-boyfriends though I am in a stable relationship with a man I deeply love. 

Just 17

Hello World!

It has been 17 years already.

Thanks for listening ❤️

15 years!

Hello world

Thanks for listening.

Stay tuned

Why Now?

So, why i am back to blogging?!

Well, I believe no one reads the blog. So this gives me the freedom to scream without being "judged".

And I feel super lonely. I feel unheard. No one hears me. I have been screaming my heart out and no one cares.

And honestly I am super tired.

I don't think I can do it anymore.

So .. hear I am. 

Pouring my heart to my dear void.

Lessons:1/365

Hello world

I decided to get back to blogging.

I will start by writing at least one lesson I learned each day.

My goal is to learn something new everyday and keeping track of it.

Lesson 1:

I need to stop acting upon the end results of scenarios I play in my head. 

I need to take those end results in mind, yet take things one step at a time. 

I need to focus on what I have in my hands, not on what would have had been in my hands had I acted differently.

P.S.

It has been a while since I last wrote in English. Sorry for all the mistakes. I promise this is going to get better.

Anybody Here?

Hello World

I can't be more tired.

Hello Void

I miss the time no one read. It is really funny how lonely I feel because everyone in paying attention.

I guess it is time to get back to deserted blogger. 

Back to the safety of not being heard. 

Another Relationship Rant

My relationships sort of follow a certain pattern. I am not going to complain, yet again, about how I was never genuinely loved. I will assume that I was loved. I have been loved of sort. Yet, all those men who - sort of - loved me ended up choosing someone else over me.
All my men chose another women, who seemed at the time they chose them over me as more vulnerable.

I have been broken hearted repeatedly because a man think that I am strong enough to take it.
I have been dumped because I seemed less in need of a man than another woman.

In the words of one of them, "you will live ya Shimaa, she won't"

The 12th year

It has been 12 yrs since I wrote my 1st post on this blog.

I have been through a lot.

And honestly, some days - like today - I just feel I am tired.

I am tired .. 

Dear Iz

Hello Iz

I am not sure whether you are still reading me or not but in case you passed by this blog I would like you to know that while trying to make a list of the men I have known in the last 15 years I totally forgot you.
Actually I didn't remember you until I was trying to remember how things ended with another guy and why he never contacted me again.

I totally forgot you happened.

Imagine!