I don't remember I ever belittled your feelings. I don't remember I ever failed you when you needed support. I know I have done what I have done without waiting for it to be reciprocated yet it is such a shame that whenever I come looking for your support you do nothing but belittling my feelings and tripping me into feeling guilty for being "that weak".
It was a little over 10 years ago when the man I deeply loved looked me in the eyes and said: "Shimaa, you are strong, you will be able to walk out of this but she isn't.I have to be with her not you."
Some will say that the man I deeply loved was just saying stuff so that he could get out safely from the place. I would have believed such explanation if it weren't for the fact that the same exact line was repeated by different people in different occasions.
"Shimaa, you are strong. You will get past it."
And I did, I got past whatever happened to the extent that I once dared to say that I was unbreakable.
The truth is, I am as breakable as anyone else. All what I do "differently" that makes everyone call me "strong" is that I collect whatever left of the broken me and move on. I am never ashamed of showing off my scars. I proudly confess my failures and I cherish every heartbreak.
All what I do is that I bounce back.
Does bouncing back require one to be strong?
I don't know. But the fact that people will hurt me with clear conscience because "I am strong" is sort of disturbing. Because being strong isn't equal to being dense. I still have feelings. I get hurt. And the fact that I can bounce back doesn't correct the fact that you have put me down.
The fact that you believe I am strong doesn't give you the right to hurt me.
I am not made of steel regardless how much I look like I am.