January 29, 2008
Anyway, I decided to put my famous theory about the conspiration in the Arabic Direction. So if you can read Arabic, interested in politics and not a believer in conspiracy, yes you read that one right, it will be my pleasure if you spare some of your time to read this theory.
Again feed Back is welcomed. Critisism is needed, as I want to improve my Arabic writings.
My brother told me that he will never read me as far as I am writing in English. And he believes that I am writing to no one as people can barely read Arabic and no one cares to read these thought-less thoughts in English.
So, Arabic it is. I will try doing it. But still ideas are hitting me from left to right.
Don't forget. I am waiting for feedback, so that I can post the other parts.
Thanks in advance
- Curiosity killed the cat once, I am not sure if it will kill me too. I got back to investigating their traces. Thanks to the internet, I knew he is lying about his wife, or at least there is nothing to prove his honesty. As for the other him, thanks to an old alias now I know his wife is pregnant. I know I have swore to stop but I can’t resist the temptation.
- If sex is the answer, did anyone get the question?
- You need someone to fix you babe … That was the conclusion of a fruitful talk with an old friend.
- I am the spaghetti, meat balls will sure make me taste better. But I am good enough without them. I am a whole dish. Meat balls are just an addition.
- I am officially blank. I feel too worn out. I can’t put my buzzing ideas into words.
- Rehab Bassam rocks, her book rocks, everyone should read it.
January 24, 2008
I admit challenges are the pleasure of my life, but that never meant that I have won every challenge I took. I have failed to love mathematics regardless how hard I tried. I have failed to be a financial analyst, and I don’t really know why I did. But bottom line the thrill is in taking the challenge regardless whether I will win it or not.
So, my fairy tale was a challenge. I didn’t want to be a princess. I wanted to be a different girl, a new type of Cinderella. I didn’t want the glass shoes and the step mother. I wanted to beat the odds of life. Busy schedules, ambitions, old love and family were the odds I wanted to beat with my prince charming. I wanted my man to be mine, then let go to come back regretting every moment he didn’t spend with me.
I was a girl, or may be I still am, who had her fairy tale. I was a girl who kept a picture of her prince charming. I was a girl who waited for his smile to lighten up her life. I was a girl and that was my dream. I wanted a man to love me to the extent that he will choose me over the world. And when he does, I will be so happy spending my life beating the other odds of life with him. I even planned a speech to say in our wedding party, which was going to be the first time in our community for a bride to give a speech, I was going to tell him that I can’t promise him happiness as bad times occurs. I can’t promise him to love him the same way I do because love needs work, I can’t promise him to stay fit or beautiful to the end of my life. I can’t promise him a fairy tale because this is life. But all what I can promise him was myself. I promise to stay when everyone else leave. I promise not to turn my back. I promise to fight and my target will always be him. My aim will always be us. And that was when my silly fairy tale theme song was supposed to play.
Oh, pathetic. I was a girl, or may be I still am, with the same silly fairy tale. I was the Cinderella of my own drama. I was the queen on a fake kingdom waiting for an unknown passing by prince to come over and slay the non existing dragon.
Then he appeared, covering my whole life in deep gray. Moving in his shades, and struggling in chains I kept my fairy tale in my heart. I still wanted him to be my prince charming. I still dreamt of the wedding and the speech. But this time there was no time for a song.
I wanted to marry him, but not to live happily ever after, but to prove that I worth of being married. I wanted to marry him to get even. I wanted to marry him to divorce him in my speech.
I wanted to say it out loud. I wanted to say that I know that everyone is wondering why I am marrying him. Why did I choose the remaining of man to accompany me for the rest of my life? Why did I choose the wrong package? Why am I deliberately staying in the shades in the time the sun must be shinning else where. I wanted to say that if anyone thought love is the answer, so I guess they misunderstood the question because I am not doing it for love. How can I love the man who patiently screwed my life for years, how can I trust the one who broke all the bridges that I have patiently built between us. How can I give him a chance in the time he exploited every other chance I gave him. How can I spend the rest of my life in his cage in the time the sky is my home. How can I belong to him in the time I know he isn’t mine to claim?
I wanted to look him in the eyes and say now I am free. Now I let you go forever. Now I tear the page that holds your name. Now, only now, I am me.
Again, it was the girl who had the dream. It is the girl who wants the fairy tale. And it is the woman who knows that fairy tales exist in fairyland.
It was always the girl who wanted him, prayed for him, believed him and trusted him blindly. It was always the girl who ended up hurt. It is always the girl who cries him a river. And it is always the girl who misses him.
I am almost free!!
The woman laid a plan that worked perfectly, and now the girl is whining. I am afraid one night I will have to bury the girl in the same box the fairies are buried.
January 21, 2008
Anyway finally the Arabic direction has a new post with my signature. So if you can read Arabic and would like to spare some time reading a symbolic story. Check my latest post here
Thanks in advance
I edited that post, I removed the redundant sentence and tried to give reason for the ant's revolution.
Thanks to Omar's suggestions.
Still waiting for feed back
January 14, 2008
In the game of domination and submission the submissive part is the one who is really in control. The whole ambiance of domination is created in order for the submissive to fulfill a missing need. The submissive holds the off button that gets the world back to its normal course. All what he/she has to do is to say stop.
The problem with domination is that the dominant person will get to believe that he is really in control. That he is the lord who sets the rules while the truth is, in the game of domination and submission. It is the submissive part who sets the rule. It is the submissive part who really dominates the game. It is the submissive part who voluntarily gives up his domination in the real world to play a game where someone else has to make the choice. And it is the dominant part that hopefully gets into the game on the hope it might turn to be real and he can finally be the master of his own choices.
January 09, 2008
Before we begin:First: These thoughts represent the author’s personal view. These are my personal views as a Muslim. Why do I choose being a Muslim and why everyday I decide to abide with the Islamic rules.
Second: This is not in the defense of Islam. Islam is a belief and a way of thinking. And just like other thoughts it should be subjected to criticism. And just like other thoughts only the valid ones remain. False thoughts always fail.
Third: This post was inspired by a reply on “the sandmonkey’s blog”. Sandmonkey wrote a post about a program called “make me a Muslim”, which is a reality TV show, where a girl and 4 Imams try to fix the Brits by making them Muslims, an idea that I personally disapprove. But the comments on that post crossed the line of attacking the show, to attacking Islam as a belief. And when I tried to show that moderate Muslim does exist, I got a comment that I am in denial. I decided to write this to prove I am not.
The second inspiration was a post by fantasia. She drew her sword attacking Hijab, in a response to a great post by Miss Egyptiana. It wasn’t the attack on Hijab that inspired me as one more time the comments on fantasia’s post took another direction. As someone came over and started an attack on Arabs implying an attack on Islam.
I can’t deny that these comments have made me think about my religion. And I found myself writing these words.So here we goI am like millions of Muslims all over the world. I was born a Muslim and an Arab. Just like millions of people in that world, I didn’t choose my parents, I didn’t choose my country and I didn’t choose my religion.
I was raised to be a Muslim in what a call a moderate Muslim family. My family I think represents millions of Muslim families, or at least my family represents the norm for Egyptian Muslims.
I was raised to believe that there is only one God. I was to memorize verses of Quran as early as I could do. I was taught how to pray, trained to fast. For me religion was just some mystical rituals. I loved to fast in “Ramadan” as it was a sign that I have grown up. I prayed because this is what everyone else does. I was 10 years old when I started posing my very first question about God. Why did God create us. I didn’t like the answers I got back then and between you and me I don’t like them till now. But just like any Egyptian I am a believer, I believe in a creator and in the after world. We, Egyptians, were the first to believe in the after world. And just like my ancestors, I believed in it. It wasn’t the hardest part.
The older I grew the more I started letting go. I kept the rituals but started looking for answers every where. Being the person I am, I wasn’t easily convinced by the simple things that convinced others.
It wasn’t hard to believe that this universe must have a creator. It was hard to abide to the laws this creator set. As for me, back then and till now, life is such an unexplainable test. We were created to take that test, probably fail it, and then live an eternity based on our results.
I can’t deny that I have had really hard time moving down that way, and sometimes I still do. Once again, being the person I am, I though it over and I found my answer on a word said by “Joey” in my all time favorite show “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”. It was an episode where Joey’s father turned to be having an affair. In a hilarious moment, Joey father and his girl friend were supposed to spend the night at Joey’s. Joey asked his father to sleep in a separate room, saying “as far as you live under my roof, you live by my rules”. I kept laughing at Joey, and his father and the affair. I laughed at the rules and roof line as it is the line used by all fathers all over the world. But in a second thought, I discovered that as far as we are living under God’s roof so we should live by his rule and only then I started buying the unexplainable rules I couldn’t buy earlier. I started abiding by the things I don’t understand the same way I do by the things I understand.
The question now will be, why Islam?
I can’t deny that part of being a Muslim is that I was born a Muslim. I went through evaluating the God concept, and then I got to the point of believing why God have laid his rules in what we call religion. So, as far as I believe in God and I am ready to follow a religion why trying finding a new one while I already have one. But again being the person I am, I didn’t stop at that point. I started searching. I found that being a Jew means that I don’t believe in Christianity, and being a Christian means that I don’t believe in Islam while being a Muslim means that I believe in both religions. I found that Islam isn’t just a religion it is a life style, where people are obligated to respect each other, to love each other and to help each other. Islamic rules are the constitution of the Islamic community.
If Muslims abided by the Islamic rules, the Islamic community will be sober, STI free, with no gamblers and no poor.
Taking a good look at history I found out that Arabs were just savages living in the desert. They have done everything we do in the modern days. They got drunk, had sex whenever possible and gambled there life away. And to top it all, they never managed to build a state. They lived in scattered groups and they have always fought. Before Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), the Arabs spent there time in war or preparing to war. And then it was a miracle, a man who can’t read or write who managed to teach those ignorant people civilization. He grouped the fighting scattered group in a state that ruled most of the old world for centuries.
Dr. Francis Steingass said that Quran is one of the most important books in the world due to the Quran's "ability to transform savage tribes into civilized nations.
So Islam isn’t just a religion. It was the constitution that built that empire. It was the law. And that explains why the first “Khaleefa” had to fight those who reverted. He fought them because they were outlaws. They threatened the growth of the empire. They didn’t abide to the constitution. Just like any civil war in any place in the world. Doesn’t the American fought for the right to free slaves?
Then it was typical for the empire to move outwards. Can you blame Alexander for conquering the world?
Islam is a constitution based on liberty and equality. Everyone is free to believe or not. Everyone is free as far as his freedom ends at the start of his neighbors’ freedom. Everyone is equal, Islam doesn’t discriminate. There is no difference based on religion, race or gender.
I just look around and I feel hurt as people keep attacking Islam because of people who can barely called Muslims. They attack Islam as if the extermination of Islam is the solution.
I look around and I hope for respect. I hope for respecting the idea that changed the face of the world, I hope for respecting the man who changed the savages into civilized people, I hope for respecting the legacy the Muslims left by saving the heritage of civilization in the time Europe was busy in inquisitions.
Is respect that hard to achieve?
January 06, 2008
Unconsciously I am going through the defensive measures. I am back to school, i.e. I have finally decided to finish my M.Sc. degree, I started the job hunt and I am putting too much time in my father’s new business. To top the feeling, I can’t resist listening to James Blunt’s Goodbye My lover.
Be it an unconscious breakup, or be it an undefined feeling. I am just in the mood for goodbye my lover.
January 03, 2008
The real question is why sometimes we just can’t find the right thing. Why sometimes we are only left with the wrongs to choose from.
If right isn’t an absolute value so why wrong can sometimes be absolute?